Ignorance is sometimes bliss.

[HouseKitten]

After we broke up, my ex apparently went on a lads night out that included going to a lap-dancing bar. He was telling me about it one time we met out and emphasising how 'cool' it was, and in the process he told me he got a private dance and the girl, among other things, rubbed her breasts in his face, put her nipples in his mouth and rubbed her p*ssy on his hands (I gather he wasn't allowed to touch her back

 

I've always been laidback about stripper and lapdancers. I'd be open to going to a club myself, it's hot. Right up until he told me all that. We're not together so I don't give a toss about it happening to him, but I know men tend to visit lapdancing clubs on stag nights when they can't think of anything more original, and the thought of something like this happening to my boyfriend freaks me out.

 

Ignorance in this case would really be bliss I'd much rather not have the knowledge that some lap-dancers will go that far. I've always had a vague idea that sometimes 'more' happens but without prompting? Bleh.

 

Can anyone tell me whether this is a fairly regular occurrence, or if this girl my ex had was a one-off?

[PSYCHOLOGY]

There is always "more" that takes place at the Lapdancing bars. For the rght price anything can and will happen.

[shuttlefish]

This is the 21st century, men can get anything they want if the have the desire and the money. **

 

I've got nothing against strippers but I would be really "yuck" about one of them sticking their nipples in my mouth. I'm sure they are not washed and sanitized between "shows" and goodness knows who had theire mouth all over those things!!

 

edit ** at time of writing, men still can't buy true love...so not "anything" but close to it.

[midnightrambler]

The lap dance you describe is about a 10% occurrence at the stripper bars I have been to

[hockeyboy]

There is always "more" that takes place at the Lapdancing bars. For the rght price anything can and will happen.

 

Not true.

 

Depends on the club and the location really. Some are more sketchy then others.

 

There used to be a "up scale" strip club close by to where I live. It was pricey, the girls were gorgeous, but they just dance in front of you. definitely no touching involved, and it more so had an atmosphere of where guys go to talk business and just have nice eye candy around.

 

Of course, there are plenty of clubs that are the complete opposite....but my point is they are not all the same.

[Taikero]

I've been to a number of strip clubs with friends (Never spent a dime except on beer though), and I've never received or seen such behavior, even in Vegas (and they TRY in Vegas) unless money was exchanged. I did however get whipped (according to my age) with a double studded leather belt by a group of strippers for my birthday this last year.

 

I wouldn't worry about it unless you are worried your man isn't faithful. If he's faithful he won't be giving a stripper money, and if that doesn't happen he shouldn't be getting much from a stripper.

[fantastic]

Well the one's I've been to, you weren't allowed to touch them. But there are cases where some of these girls will illegally have sex for money.

 

You ex may have just been exaggerating, just to see if he'd get you annoyed.

[HouseKitten]

You ex may have just been exaggerating, just to see if he'd get you annoyed.

 

I did consider that. He's made other comments since we broke up that afterwards have made me think 'hang on, that was actually quite mean'. For example, he once commented in front of a group of mutual friends that 'next time' he'd like to date a girl with 'really huge boobs'. Real mature.

 

But on the other hand, he's not the kind of guy to make things up, he prides himself on being brutally honest, and he is the sort of person who would end up in that situation.

 

It doesn't sound like it's that common. I know my boyfriend wouldn't ask for that kind of thing, but some stripper rubbing herself all over him only takes a second, since they get pretty close without touching in the first place. It's a bit..... skeezy

[Taikero]

they get pretty close without touching in the first place. It's a bit..... skeezy

 

Pretty sure they were created in the first place to be...skeezy.

[HouseKitten]

Pretty sure they were created in the first place to be...skeezy.

 

Haha I don't mind the low-level of skeezy-ness of a regular lapdance, they're as harmless as 3D porn since there's no physical contact. It's just the possibility of suddenly taking it to that next level or 'urgh!'

[Taikero]

Haha I don't mind the low-level of skeezy-ness of a regular lapdance, they're as harmless as 3D porn since there's no physical contact. It's just the possibility of suddenly taking it to that next level or 'urgh!'

 

You want your man to yourself, and you don't like the thought of another woman touching him the way you would. It's an invasion of his space uninvited and you therefore feel it's an invasion of your space. It's perfectly understandable.

 

That said, unless the stripper thinks your man's a hottie, I don't think you have to worry much about uninvited touching at the majority of establishments.

[vertigoxo]

Tell the dude a hot guy wanted to go down on you. *Snaps fingers* Oh snap!

[LoveFish]

So I was just reading a couple of your threads HouseKitten and am trying to figure out why you still interact with your ex?

 

You both have new BF/GF's right? And he seems to make you feel bad when you see him so why torture yourself?

[HouseKitten]

So I was just reading a couple of your threads HouseKitten and am trying to figure out why you still interact with your ex?

 

You both have new BF/GF's right? And he seems to make you feel bad when you see him so why torture yourself?

 

Urgh. I'm aware that whenever I see him, I just feel bad about myself. Not because I want him back but more of a 'that could have been me' thing. He rang me today and we were just catching up - I haven't seen him for about a month - and he told me all about how he's spent £150+ on taking his girl away for V-Day.... me and my boyfriend are going to Primark then maybe to dinner. It makes me feel.... a bit low, for completely stupid reasons. I'm sure he doesn't even know that it makes me feel depressed.

 

But, I can't cut him out entirely. We have mainly mutual friends so I end up seeing him on birthdays etc. And I just can't - we had an amicable break-up and he's never done anything really wrong to me, it'd feel rude to suddenly stop taking his calls or meeting up every couple of months to catch up.

 

The problem is, he genuinely wants to be friends. He's friends with all his exes. Whereas I never see my exes. But it's cut down a lot. Before christmas we saw each other 2-4 times a month. Now it's more like once a month at the very most, if that. So it doesn't really cut me as much to see him because the distance in between is greater.

[LoveFish]

I hear you. It is hard to cut someone out especially if the break up wasn't overly messy or mean. Personally every time I see my ex, even though we have been on good terms and still love each other, it makes me feel like sh%t.

 

Your ex seems to like to tell you about his new GF. Trust me he knows that talking about her in front of you has some sort of an effect. He may not be trying to hurt you but he is aware of what he is doing.

 

Why would he be divulging information such as how much $$ he is spending on his new GF to you? How is that relevant to you and him? It's not..he just wants to point it out...

 

You're right it would be rude to just stop taking his calls. I recently stopped interacting with my ex. I know it's kinda rude but I'm tired of going home after seeing her and feeling like we just broke up all over again. She told me on Christmas she had slept with other people over the last year so I figured it was pointless to keep in touch.

[HouseKitten]

Ouch. Sorry to hear about your ex I got pretty lucky that I was the first to move on but you know what, the weekend after I slept with the new guy I was seeing (not my current bf) my ex rang me in the middle of the night, a bit drunk, to tell me he'd slept with someone else.

 

I think part of the reason it still makes me feel so bad is that things with my boyfriend aren't great. I love him and he loves me, but he was unemployed for the first 6 months we were together due to being made redundant, then when he finally managed to get a new job, it's shift work. All evenings and nights. I work 9-5, so now, we barely see each other. I feel miserable all the time. And it's only a 3 month contract so we can't even start looking at moving in together because he probably won't get kept on in 3 months time either. Whereas my ex is renting a cute little house, just got a promotion, etc etc.... I think if my own situation weren't making me feel like crap anyway then I wouldn't mind him telling me his details so much.

[Taikero]

He's trying to get you to feel something or react in some way if he's throwing around dollar figures and talking about taking his girl away for Valentine's.

 

He could've just said, "I've put a lot of work in this year for her, and we're going to do something special out of town."

 

Of course, if you probed for more information past that, then it's entirely different and your own fault.

 

 

As to what you feel, what exactly do you mean by "that could have been me" if you don't want him back? I don't know your history, but it's kind of confusing since why would you want it to be you if you don't want him back...?

 

It might be a good idea to keep your conversations with him more vague and platonic than before. Avoid details about his life as much as possible and it will probably be easier for you.

 

 

EDIT:

 

I think part of the reason it still makes me feel so bad is that things with my boyfriend aren't great. I love him and he loves me, but he was unemployed for the first 6 months we were together due to being made redundant, then when he finally managed to get a new job, it's shift work. All evenings and nights. I work 9-5, so now, we barely see each other. I feel miserable all the time. And it's only a 3 month contract so we can't even start looking at moving in together because he probably won't get kept on in 3 months time either. Whereas my ex is renting a cute little house, just got a promotion, etc etc.... I think if my own situation weren't making me feel like crap anyway then I wouldn't mind him telling me his details so much.

 

So you're unable to see your current boyfriend as much as you like, and he's not doing as well in his life as your ex, so you're wistful for having the best of both worlds and finding a disjointed half in either, and in reality most of the time you get neither because one has moved on and the other's time is taken up in his work when you have free time.

 

Now I get it a little better. I can see that being a bit depressing, yes.

[LoveFish]

He was telling me about it one time we met out and emphasising how 'cool' it was, and in the process he told me he got a private dance and the girl, among other things, rubbed her breasts in his face, put her nipples in his mouth and rubbed her p*ssy on his hands (I gather he wasn't allowed to touch her back

 

The above quote PLUS him telling you all about Valentine's spending and such with his new GF should clearly tell you he is trying to effect you.

 

I personally wouldn't give him the time of day even as friends. He is either totally clueless and ignorant to your feelings or just an a$$hole. Sorry don't be offended!

[fantastic]

Off course he's doing it for effect.

 

The question is why? Is he a just jerk, or does he still have feelings for the OP?

[HouseKitten]

Taikero - I definitely don't probe for information by contrast, I don't really bring up my boyfriend much unless he asks - although I'm happy to talk about him, I feel like it's touchy ground considering we were together for so long. I'm happy to be friends but I want to be considerate as well. Whereas he seems to be trying to go straight to being friends who discuss their love lives. But then.... maybe he just says it to fill the gaps once we've talked about work and family.

 

Love fish - I lean towards him being clueless. When I saw him before christmas I actually got a little emotional and told him it makes me feel really sad to hear him going on about how much he's spending on his girlfriend when my boyfriend is out of work. He seemed contrite then, and apologised. He's still doing it but he's also that sort of guy - him and his friends are competitive males, he likes to boast a little.

 

Fantastic - I have no idea. Even after he started seeing his new girlfriend he was still hitting on me. We had sex for quite a while after our break-up, he did ask me to get back with him at one point (after 2 months). I do wonder if I was single, would he end up leaving her? But apparently he told one of my girlfriends that 'when you meet someone, you just know' in reference to his new girl.

 

I don't know. I'm hoping once my boyfriend gets a new, more normal job so we can see each other and start looking at the future, I'll feel less rocky. I'm really hoping that it's just the fact that we're not having a great time at the moment that makes me feel worse when I talk to the ex.

 

Thanks for the replies everyone, it's nice to actually talk about it I can't do this with friends when I've got a boyfriend, I'm supposed to be completely sound, lol.

[LoveFish]

 

Thanks for the replies everyone, it's nice to actually talk about it I can't do this with friends when I've got a boyfriend, I'm supposed to be completely sound, lol.

 

You're welcome =)