The stories I've heard

[DopeStar]

That dirty B****, I found out last night at work that there are stories of my GF sleeping around. So i called her on it. She denied the whole thing as expected and spent the whole time buggin out about where this information came from. She didnt get it, it doesnt matter where it comes from the fact is is that it is out there and i heard it and im very angry about the whole thing. I made my point of how i have no other choice to believe the matter since, and she agreed with this part, we have done anything other then sit on the couch and/or have a meal together in unremembered amount of time and she spends all of her time with her friends. she looked sad i didnt see her cry though and a half hour after i left(i told her that i would call her as i walked otu the door) she calls me and left a message. well i check that message this morning and on the phone she wanted my friends phone number(the one who told me) so she could call him about this "rumor" as its called at the moment. IM nto sure what to do, i live with her all my stuff is there, ive got a place to go but im not sure if i can get moved in today. I dont even know for a fact that this is true but ive had that gut feeling for a while and all my friends think that she was and most of the evidence points to it. So what now, ive called her on it, she denied it, i left and havent talked to her since. Any advice.....

 

 

Im going to try and move out today since that was the plan anyway.

thanks everyone

[amaranth_04]

There's no smoke without a fire.

 

If a good friend has told you this, not someone being spiteful, and a few good friends as well, and esp. if your gut is telling you this, well then I think you have your answer.

 

I remember reading your post under another topic (do all men cheat) where you mentioned your relationship and you did not sound too happy. (Not sure if you had heard this news then) If you truly believed her and she never gave you cause to not believe her, you would have jumped to her defense upon hearing the ''rumour''. Quite obviously you did not. Another sign there.

 

You may not get the truth from her. I'm stretching it a little but she may not have gone all the way with these other men, but I think it's safe to say that she has done stuff that have crossed the boundaries of your relationship.

 

More often than not, there's always some truth circulating with a rumour.

[DopeStar]

Ya thats waht i figure too. and no i hadnt heard this new when i made that other post i only found this out last night. she actually tried to call me again this morning but i didnt answer the phone and i havent checked the message yet so who know what she has to say at this point. IM jsut very angry but i dont think i care at this point the whole thing has been bad for a while now. thanks. oh look shes calling again. im not gonna answer that either.

[if only]

Sounds to me like she doesnt want to lose you but has been playing around a bit - best of both worlds as people say.

 

If its going bad and has been for a while why are you still together? I know its hard to break up when you love someone but if your unhappy you could make things worse.

 

If I heard a rummor like that and I believed it may be true I would definetly ask myself the above question. Trust is so important in a relationship and sounds like it lacks in yours - sorry to be hard on you but i think the answer is looking you in the face.

 

if you get back together how will you trust her? If she is more concerened on where the info came from & phoning your friends instead of defending herself then something is going on.

[DopeStar]

ya thats the answer ive seen. Its hard to say its over since weve been together for almost five years but i think thats the case. Ive got options in my life and ive spent the last few weeks building my self up so i didnt get sluaghtered if this happened so im doing ok ive jsut got to get stronger about how to handle this. Its one of the harder things ive had to do in life.

[jasminebose]

Dopestar- just wanted to say i'm sorry for how things have worked out between you. I agree with the other posters- chances are rumours don't circulate for no reason and she should be more concerned telling you that its not true than asking how you found out! I think you're better off away from her. Hope you are doing ok.

JZ

[DopeStar]

I am doing ok, Ive had some suspicion for a while and the last few weeks i have spent rebuilding my life so this isnt as devastating as it could have been. Ive felt this to be true for a while and i even called her on it before, she knew that i thought something was up with this kid in the rumors, i told her i didnt like it but she just pushed that they were jsut friend she even brought the bastard over our apartment one night so i could meet him when i got home from work but i was going to be late and they werent there when i got home and she didnt come home that night till late. The signs are there and i know what i need to do. as long i keep reiterating this to myself i should be able to stay focused and nto let my feelings for her sway me. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. so frustrating but i guess there is nowhere to go but up from here.

[DopeStar]

Dirty F****** B**** she left two nasty messages on my fone this morning. ONe about how she cant believe that i believe a loser(myfriend who told me so i didnt get burned)like that about this and that she was pissed that i spent the whole night out and said something to the effect of "ya lets sleep with other people till we piss each other off even more". and the other one she threatened to call the cops on me if i took anything of hers from the apartment. she was very angry in both messages. I never told her that it was thru i jsut told i wanted the truth and no she is bugging out, this is another sign right, right? So angry words cant be used to express myself, im shaking atm im so mad.

[amaranth_04]

Yes, another sign. Like they say about people who are guilty themselves but make baseless accusations of the other party of the very act they are guilty of. I don't think you accused her; you asked a very reasonable qn given the evidence, so you are not in that category.

 

Like what others have said, she would be trying to defend herself if she were innocent, instead of being more bothered about who told you. Makes it seem like she would like to have her way with them for 'squealing' on her, instead of confronting to clear her name.

 

Sure, if she were innocent, she would have gotten angry at first for being wrongly accused. But her anger would have turned to agony at losing you, the five years with you, and she would have tried to find a way to make you see you got it wrong, and be more concerned about why you would think that and try to communicate with you.

 

Those messages on your phone are obviously the reaction of a guilty person who is angry at being caught. Trying to put the blame on you when she's wanting out.

 

Good to hear that you took steps easing yourself off weeks prior to this. Keep going.

[DopeStar]

thats what i always thought too, everytime i brought the idea up she would get all defensive, she never tried to sway me from thinking that and never brought the topic up unprovoked. she didnt even get angry last night when i confronted her, she jsut sat there and took it, she tryed to fight some but not what i was expecting of someone who isnt guilty it wasnt even like it was her she was a much different person in our discussion last night. am i going to need more proof or is what i have enough for me to start moving on with my life, there is more then i posted in this thread also. I know what i need to do now, i just need to do it.

[amaranth_04]

am i going to need more proof or is what i have enough for me to start moving on with my life

 

just a note on that..

 

see why you need more proof now. to prove something to yourself.. or try and see if you can work on it, tho u had already taken steps to prepare yourself for this.. that says something.. and seems to be steps to ease off the relationship rather than deal w a possible outcome.. that says even more.. and that goes back to seeing if you really want to work on it.... or trying to ease a bruised ego.. ? nothing wrong with that. but just to be clear to yourself why you need more proof.

[Sherlock]

Dopestar.....the proof is there. Your gut feelings, her reactions and silence to the matter. Now she's leaving nasty messages and threatening to call the cops? Run away dude! She sounds crazy!

 

I know exactly how you feel and believe me, she is NEVER going to admit it to you. She sounds more humiliated at being caught than fixing things with you. So please don't wait around for a confession or more proof.

 

I know what it's like to try to get a gal to confess to something like this. I felt the same way you did. I felt as if I didn't know who this girl was that I spent 4 years of my life with. She was mean, manipulative and a compulsive liar.

 

You sound like you have a good handle on your life. Make the break ASAP and move on with your life. This is by far enough closure for you. Eventually this will all sink in with her once you're out of her life . If and when this happens stay strong and remember the misery she has just put you through.

 

How can you ever go back without trust? You will never believe her again. If she can lie so easy to your face she will never change.

[tiger_lilies]

I have a friend (female) whom I have witnessed acts of infidelity over and over again. She continually cheats on one boyfriend with the next and has her own twisted view on what cheating actrually means. She will deny her cheating until blue in the face. She admits to me all of this, so my suggestion to you is, yes, your ex has/is cheating on you.

 

Like all the other posters say, she shows signs of being caught. My friend has also been caught and she will twist the entire story around so that she looks like she comes off as the innocent party. Unfortunately some of these men believe her...probably because she gorgeous (blonde with big boobs).

 

I don't condone what my friend is doing, but she reminds me of your ex. And from watching her slice and dice these poor men, I believe that once you have a gut feeling, your probably right!

[DopeStar]

well I did it, i Moved out and broke up with her, in that order too. I moved all my stuff out of the apartment while she was at work yesterday. Let me side track for a minute though. While i was moving my stuff out one of our neghbors cam by and asked me "you guy moving" I replied "well i am" and then she said "oh because of" at which point i cut her off and said "because of what?" and then she proceeded to tell me how her boyfriend caught my GF out in the parking lot, of our complex, kissing on someguy. lets jsut say that this only made things easier. anyway so i got all my stuff and went back and sat down on teh stairs and waited for her to come home. when she did get home i told it was over and that i was done with all the BS and lies and the cheating. we then proceeded to fight for abotu 15 minutes( she kept dragging me out of my car) and during this fight she hit me like 8 times, slaps, punches it was crazy. I did manage to make a new friend out of one of her friends though. so all is well i guess, it wasnt by choice that i did this, it was because of need but its i needed to because an entire town was talking about it and i was starting to feel stupid. i want to thank everyone for their support this was the hardest thing i ever had to do and without this site i dont know what i would have done.

[amaranth_04]

Hi dopestar,

 

It's good to know you went through with it. And that you stayed right there to break up with her face to face, that's the right thing to do. What your neighbour told you just reinforced that you were making the right move.

 

I wish you the best in moving past her and getting the good things that you deserve. It's not always easy cutting things off, even when it's for the best. As the days go by, I'm sure you will believe in your heart that there's something, someone, better for you out there. Take things easy in the meantime, you handled a tough situation very well.

[DopeStar]

Thanks, Ive got to admit that last night when i went to bed i cried a bit, it F***** hurt, and this morning a little bit too but ive got to say that as this day goes on im really starting to feel better ive got a smile on my face and joking around with everyone at work. That was the toughest thing ive ever done but i am really starting feel better already its been less then 24 hours. she had me all sorts of Fd up i guess and being free of her is really starting to show its true meaning to me.

 

ME

yesterday

today

 

Horray for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[amaranth_04]

But of course you will grieve. You invested yourself in this for the past 5 years, put a part of you, or rather all of you out there for her. But it's good that you're dealing with the pain, going through the motions. Cry when you need to but remember to smile too, like you're doing, to keep a a balance. In time, you'll cry a little less and laugh twice as hard.