we are back together and what i learnt from it all.

[libra89]

i was here about 5 months ago. sad, depressed and freshly out of a 4.5 year relationship. the post break up was a terrible period of my life, struggling to keep up with my studies and managing my emotions.

 

yet things got better with no contact, i feel a lot better, became much more independent and all. 5 months down the road, he came back looking for me. by this time, i was healed and i didn't really care if he came back or not. we're back together and taking things slow for now. never in my wildest dream would i think that he would turn back, simply because he is a very prideful and stubborn guy. but the truth is if they really want you back, they will look for you and ask you back humbly.

 

for those who are hurting, and reading this, i am writing this not to give you false hope, but to highlight to you the importance of taking care of yourself and healing.

 

here are some points which i would like to share. if you agree with them, good, if you do not, just ignore them. these are what helped me but i respect the fact that each and every one of us are different and so we see things differently.

 

1) Immediately post break up, cry, exercise, talk to friends. basically do something to let the emotions flow.

 

2) Make healing and improving yourself the top most priority after the break up. No matter whether you get back together with your ex or not, the truth is the break up happened because something was wrong. As individuals, there are always things to be improved and things we can work on to make ourselves better. Some examples including being independent, more at ease with being alone, less reliant on others etc. Focusing on trying to mend the relationship is quite hopeless, you need time off and improving yourself during this time is the best thing you can ever do for yourself. =)

 

Healing comes when you start to learn and realise that there are many many other things in life which we should be grateful for and can enjoy. Our friends, families, hobbies etc. Relationship is important but it is not the only thing that is important.

 

3) Accepting that everything happens for a reason and letting things be. In life, things are unexpected and unpredictable. That's the truth. We can do our best, but we cannot always control the final outcome. We never know what will happen next, we never know whether this misfortune right now will turn into or result in something good in a few years' time.

 

If you have been the best gf or bf that you knew how to be, and yet things did not turn out the way you wanted, you just have to accept it and let things be. Cause the fact is that you couldn't have done it any other way. and even if things look really sad, dark and gloomy right now, they might change. And again, you would never know.

 

4) Remembering that you only have one life and making the best of it. Sometimes we take life for granted and forget how precious life is. During the period right after my break up, i had a college mate whose dad had a heart attack. Sitting with her and crying with her made me realise how precious life is and how thankful i should be for being healthy and being alive. We all only have one life, and we choose the way we live it. I believe in choosing to be positive and optimistic than to be negative and pessimistic. You get only one shot in life, how do you want to live it? It is your choice alone and remember, we live and die by our own decisions.

 

5) The ONE. Many people believe that there is only one person which you can fall in love, marry and live happily ever after with. When the one which they acknowledge as the one leaves, they are devastated. But the truth is how do you ever know that "the one" you recognise him/her to be, is really "the one"? I guess we can never be sure. Every one of our partners are unique in their own ways, and the next partner you have might not have the same qualities as the previous one. and that's fine. We are all different, and at the end of the day, there can be many people who we are compatible and comfortable with, we just need to open our eyes, be open minded and things might just happen.

 

6) This last point is what i have learnt and believed strongly in right now. A relationship at the very end of the day, is simply the choice of two people to be together. You can NEVER EVER want it enough for both of you. It is a choice. And so, we should respect the choice of our partners. For better or for worst.

 

That's all I have for now. I hope that these points will help those who are struggling right now. Things might seem really bad right now, but the worst will be over I promise. And the best part is that you will learn and realise so much more in a short period of time, than you ever did in years. you become someone better and stronger. =)

 

I didn't come up with many of these points, all these are actually ideas i got from the postings on these sites and websites and books. I hope these help. take care people. We never know what happens next but I hope that things get better for all!

 

To all those who offered kind words in times of need, I am forever grateful.

[minou]

How dear of you to post. Thank you for your kind and wise advice. Very, very best wishes for your happiness. you sound like such a sweetheart.

[stevemc]

Libra89,

 

Thank you for posting, it gives me hope. You know what the best part of reading your thread for me was? When I clicked on your screen name to find other threads you started and read the one called "it's like I don't even exist anymore to him" from October. To see where you are at today compared to then is really remarkable.

[Chris Knows]

Congrats!!! Glad that is another one of us that was able to reconcile!!!!

 

Congrats!!

 

--Chris

[peanutbutterandjelly]

thanks for coming back to share with us. I wont bother you for details, so i will read some of your older posts to get your story. i wish you both the best!!

[sadchitownguy]

Libra, great post, thanks for sharing your lessons. How were you able to get back together again?

[1guygirl]

inspiring post whether we get back with exes or not...thank you for this and all the best in the future xxx

[LifeGoesOn09]

That's great news. I saw my ex gf for the first time in a month this weekend because I missed her. It was tough as I just couldn't get the feelings I needed. I'm absolutely distraught and gutted. She's such a great girl and everytime I see her I'm just so sad and annoyed that I can't the feelings I once had. I keep punishing myself and her too as a result. I dunno why this has happened but I'm deeply frustrated. We were so so happy together.

[LifeGoesOn09]

Libra89, I think its because you don't care and are probably a little aloof at the mo and that is what's drawing your ex to you. I really wish you all the best tho. I sincerely hope it works out.

[crymeout]

Thank for this thread, i wish you all the best im so glad things seem to be working out for you.

You give some good advise and i will be doing just that improving things in my life that maybe i have neglected a little and became a little wrapped up in just HIM...

its about ME and my SON now and whats best for US... i will prob always hold onto the fact he may come back but seen as tho he said he wanted to remain friends and then one day didnt reply to my txt,kinda made me think he didnt want me in his life at all....

 

i love him loads and miss him terribly but im going to let him go, let him have what he wants and in return i hope i find ME again...and a STRONGER me....

 

THANKS so much for posting this thread

 

xx

[Diagonal]

Great post, thanks for sharing your story and congratulations to you

 

Some great advice and I'm sure many people (including me) will really find this post extremely useful.

 

Thanks again,

[mellow]

Agree with these a lot

[nauum]

Libra,

 

Just curious..you mentioned 5 months of NC...how did that go about happening? You mean right after your breakup you went 5 months of NC and no LC? Did he try to reach you in those 5 months...this story is very interesting.

[libra89]

Hi Nauum,

 

I wasn't able to go straight into NC after the break up. Like many, I wanted and tried to "save" the relationship. But my bf was rather insistent about the whole thing. After a while, I realised that clinging onto the rs wasn't helping me heal and move on and so i started NC. Did break it a bit, but as time passes, it got easier. Realised that I could live well without him and reconnected with a lot of family and friends.

 

After a while, life just goes on without him. Not sure why he suddenly changed his mind. but he did. and when he did, I can say that I was at a point when I feel that my life will be good with or without him. Yap.

[Lastchallenge]

Libra thanks for sharing I hope soon to share my success story when she comes back if she does 