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Roommates, friendship and communication.


findingbeauty

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I think starting out with small talk works best like saying hi to them whenever you see them or giving out small compliments to them. Once they feel comfortable in talking with you, then they will stop trying to avoid you. The little things can add up to big results at the end.

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They are always in their room, and sneak out when I am in mine. I used to say hi and was friendly, but to be honest, I feel hard feelings toward them now, too. I was being friendly for a long time and they are friendly back, but hurry back to their room. At this point I feel I'd be being insincere to make polite small talk with them. How do I resolve my upset feelings without having a sit down? Or how can I have a sit down without it feeling too confrontational or overwhelming for them?

 

The things I feel upset about, other than their avoidance:

-They use all of my things (and not with great care) without contributing anything to the household. I have furnished the whole place but things are getting old and needing replacement. I've told them that if they want to get something new and/or different for the place, I am open to getting rid of some of the current furnishings. A lamp breaks and they complain to me about it rather than going out and getting one. I take something back to use in my room and they complain I'm hoarding it (ie, a tv tray - I purchased all of them and act like they belong to them or something. And have damaged them (oak wood) with cup rings). They use all my dishes but don't wash them and put them away in appropriate timing.

-They have some very basic chores they chose for themselves and agreed to take responsibility for yet do not do them to in the timeframe agreed without being asked reminded weekly, and the one who cleans the kitchen does a horrible job (I can write in the dust of areas she skips). We've discussed it a couple times and she acts like she cares but still does it crappy. On the other hand I am doing an unproportional amount of cleaning and taking care of things around the house. I feel like they are acting like kids.

 

I'm desiring more comradery and equality.

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I don't think you should have to try too hard to make them like you. If they've already lived there for a while, in your apartment, and don't respect your belongings, you don't have to continue to let them live there. Why not find new people to rent to? I have this right, right? You rent out your space?

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True and I wish I had that option for the sake of confidence and freedom. The problem is that at my age it's harder to find roommates since the majority in the roommate market are in their early 20s. Most want to live with those their age. Not to mention a smaller market in general since the economic crisis began (ppl moving back home?) and a small demographic of ppl that I look for when I rent in order to have a peaceful home life. even with heavy screening, u never really know what ull get until people actually move in.

 

In this post I've only complained about the negatives, but they are decent ppl in general. I really need this to workout. Roommate hunting is a stressful and often costly process for me besides all this.

 

I really feel I need to learn how to generate respect for myself from ppl in general anyhow. I can use this for practice and a learning experience.

 

Just not sure how...

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