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About findingbeauty

  • Birthday 03/29/1975

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  1. Wow, I was hanging on every word. You are really insightful on this topic. One additional thought is that I wonder if I am ineffective at eliciting help and support from others and perhaps there was something/some way/some approach I could have done differently. On the other hand, I think if people learn about a situation and want to help, they will just put themselves out there. But I do like the idea of accepting what happened and starting at square one. I have a tendency to either be angry and show it (usually through distance) or to let everything fly and never hold anyone accountable, so I'm trying to stay out of those extremes. I will let your message marinate and see what comes up in the days ahead. It does feel "right". Thank you so much for your time and the insight you shared
  2. Thank you. I agree to some extent, but know that once I see them treat someone else with greater care and regard I will feel triggered again. I think I have a hard time being on middle grounds with others. If I'm friendly I'm open and have my guards down, and if I'm cautious I am somewhat distant and closed. I hate being in caution mode, it's a lot of work, but I can't seem to be in the middle with people. Hopefully I'll figure that out one day. Btw, I'm having a hard time articulating this, so not sure if I expressed myself accurately! Doing my best ;)
  3. Thank you for all the replies! I haven't used this site in so long, I forgot to return to check! Unfortunately, the details are long and complex and I don't have the time to explain it all. What would help me the best is if readers would assume I was legitimately "neglected" by friends and family (I did specifically reach out and ask for help and I'm not referring to casual acquaintances and it wasn't as much about hospital visits as it was critical help I needed at home when in acute condition and could hardly walk). Regardless of situation, how do you process and interact with others once you have felt abandoned, neglected, and/or betrayed? As for work, I was comparing how they have treated others compared to me, so I wasn't just making up in my mind what I thought they should do for me, it was in comparison to things they do for others on special or important occasions. Hope that helps clarify some of it.
  4. I recently had a health crisis that shook my world and was terrifying. Many people did not show up for me when I really needed help desperately. Some I outright asked for help and got brushed off. I do not have family and they know it, or they are relatives and just wrote a fancy fb post, but no call or anything personal. Colleagues of 11 years were silent...eventually sent me a card (no visit, no flowers, no calls except boss called) - this was me in and out of ER and hospital, ambulance, but worst was all the time in critical shape at home when the er wouldn't take me...yet. I couldn't walk and needed assistance to survive. Fortunately my ex showed up in a big way and I made it through, but it was sad that it all (90%+) fell on him and he wound up missing quite a bit of work. How do you interface with those who did not show care toward you in an important time of need? How do you resolve it/view it within yourself so it doesn't make you bitter. Part of me wants to show my anger and be "authentic" and part of me wants to keep it private and find a way within myself to cope, but I likely will be distant if I don't say something, or feel begrudging inside. TIA, Findingbeauty
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