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Puzzled & in need of honest clarity


onlineguy

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Girls / Guys I just don’t get this? Need clarity of thought here.

 

As a guy, if I am physically attracted to a woman I have an emotional desire to connect with her, an emotional desire to show indications of interest that I like her. (Talk to her, touch her arm, laugh with her, want to spend time with her, put myself in a position where she will be etc).

 

(Excluding the effects of shyness on this process).

 

However if I don’t find the girl physically attractive but like her personality then I see the girl as a friend, like spending time with her but I don’t look to connect with her. (No emotional desire / attraction). I will therefore enjoy her company but wont look to single her out to talk to her, touch her arm, laugh with just her or want to spend time with just her.

 

What is puzzling me is female responses???

 

I would have thought exactly the same applies to females as well as males! But this does not appear to be the case?

 

The dilemma I am finding is that woman I find attractive don’t show signs of emotional interest or IOI but the women who I don’t find attractive do show these signs.

 

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that I am not found as physically attractive as the women I am attracted to. But the women who I am not attracted to find me attractive.

 

Since I don’t feel unattractive or any less attractive than the women I find attractive, this leaves me troubled by a seemingly negative response from attractive women, frustrated by this and angry because I don’t feel this way inside. (If that makes sense!).

 

Leaving me with a choice of being single (lonely), or having to have a relationship with someone who I am not attracted to. (I could not fake a full relationship).

 

Am I reading this all wrong, is my perception of how women view attraction right or wrong? I am very mixed up on this and could do with some honest clarity…………

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Women work the same way, except they'll be physically affectionate with men they consider to just be friends (hug, lean against, cuddle with).

 

And it's normal to be attracted to several people who are not attracted to you, and vice versa. If everyone easily matched up, then no one would be single. The goal is to be realistic in your expectations. Don't only go for incredibly beautiful women...look for the women who are pretty in unconventional ways, or who have other beautiful aspects (sometimes it's just the face, rather than the whole body, for instance). But I don't advise going for anyone you're just absolutely NOT attracted to.

 

I would just give a word of caution- I see a lot of older men who adamantly 'refuse to settle for less' than they feel they deserve, when they're bringing a lot less to the table than they think they are. Women typically think they look worse than they do, and men tend to think they look better than they do. Just my opinion gleaned from many observations.

 

But hey, if you're realistic, it's just a matter of time.

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It's possible that what you are trying to put accross as subtle signs of interest:

 

"Talk to her, touch her arm, laugh with her, want to spend time with her, put myself in a position where she will be etc"

 

...is coming accross too strong and too obvious. It's not really possible to say without seeing you in action, but maybe the reason women you're not interested in are more forthcoming is because actually, being too available can sometimes lower your attractiveness to some people, whereas seeming less interested can instantly make a girl think 'I want to catch his interest!'

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