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Extremely sticky situation


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Hey guys. Please bear with the length of this entry--but your input will be greatly appreciated. Also, I am sorry if the entry gets jumbled at times. My mind is all over the place and I'm going to try and get the whole story accross so readers can give better input.


After dating for about a year and a few months my gf and I broke up over a huge fight. I will not bore you with what the fight entailed, but it was over a number of things and was emotionally devastating.


Flash forward 20 days, and we decide to make things work again. We talked about many of the issues that tore us apart, and were making much headway. We also talked about how, when separated, we couldn't get ourselves to talk to those of the opposite sex, and that anyone trying to court us was just kidding themselves. All was well until, while at her house, curiosity got the best of me, and I looked through her phone. I am the last person to do something like this, but at the time I could not resist, and my insecurity and curiosity took over. I both regret and am happy I did it, however.


In her text messages I found various text conversations between her and other guys (while we were broken up). One, in particular, was a guy that she explicitly told me TRIED to get her number through facebook, but she supposedly declined him several times. Thus, she had lied to my face. More so, I found that her and a friend of hers, Victor, had planned for him to sleep at her house and then accompany her to her friend's birthday party. According to the texts, only because of a plane delay (Victor was supposed to pick up his mom at the airport) did that not happen. They also kept daily communication and flirted heavily in many of their texts--sometimes alluding to sexual behavior.


Victor and my girlfriend had become friends over the course of her Fall semester at college in NYC. Victor is a 25 year old club promoter, and my gf uses him as her primary promoter when she and her girlfriends go out. Victor and her talked through facebook several times (on each other's walls) and I mentioned to her that the way in which they talked was overly flirtatious. My friends had also inquired about him in reference to the facebook conversations (because my friends are facebook "friends" with my gf), which only made me question it further.


Furthermore, both Victor and my gf share a love for fashion design, for she is a fashion student and he is/was (more on that in a bit) an aspiring designer. During our relationship she openly admitted that she and he talked on the phone and that they were friends. I completely trusted her, and when I met Victor he was a very nice guy, so I never thought twice about their relationship.


So, after reading through her phone (i feel bad to this day about that, trust me) I confronted her about it. After a very emotional conversation she broke down and apologized profusely for what she had done. She claimed that she "needed to get over me," and that "it was the only way" for her to move on. I guess I understand this, but why did she have to lie about it!?!?

I told her that my trust for her had taken a serious hit, but that it was not damaged beyond repair.


To make matters worse, Victor just got a sponsorship from a well-known clothing company to manufacture his line of clothing. Victor has asked my gf to be his assistant for his runway shows in NYC and in LA. $%#&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This would be a HUGE break for my gf and would help her A LOT in terms of getting ahead with her career. But, she would be alone with Victor for extended periods of time and would be traveling with him to LA. It's so hard for me to be cool with, but I would never take that away from her. I told her how I feel about him, but that I want her to do what's best for HER.


As you can imagine, I am so F'd in the head right now. I swear to you, I am and have always been the boyfriend that never gets jealous. I have always lived by the motto, "if she strays it wasn't meant to be--so just let her be." I found it disgusting when I witnessed other bfs try to control their girlfriends just to preserve their own sanity--stupid insecurity in my opinion. But this case is different: There is a "historical" context in this situation. This Victor is the only guy I have ever felt these "jealous" feelings about. I really don't feel bad about being jealous though, given the context and the things that have transpired.


In addition, during my gf's "girl's night out" every Thursday (we stay at our respective schools and I go out with my friends here at my school) she uses Victor as her promoter. So, every Thursday they are out drinking together, and it really does worry me. There is no sense in me denying it--it KILLS me to know that they are together in such an atmosphere.


What really gets me though, is that my gf REALLY DOES enjoy his company, and considers him a friend. She claims that what happened during our break up was a one time deal, and that Victor totally understands that it would never happen again and is MORE than content just being her friend. I want to believe this, I REALLY DO! But I don't trust Victor (he pounced on getting with my gf the moment we broke up) and I have a really hard time trusting my gf now.


I have conveyed all of this to her, but I never really feel better about it. I love her so much and have never felt this way about anyone in my life. She and I have shared the most intimate moments--one's I can not put into words. We have incredible sex, we love each other's company, she pines for me and admires me for who I really am---yet I still am troubled over this situation.


Most recently, my gf had asked me to come to NYC this coming weekend, EVEN IF she and her gf's were going out together on Friday night. I had gone out with her and her friends before--there's nothing wrong with being a guy with a bunch of girls with you =)...Then, after I told her that I MIGHT not be able to get to her for most of her bday/valentines day weekend (2 weekends from now) because I JUST started a new job and they might need me that weekend, she told me that I probably shouldn't come this Friday and that I might be "uncomfortable." This leads me to assume that she will be using Victor as her promoter, and that she doesn't want a confrontation between him and me...This all really annoys me, and only adds to my frustration...I JUST started this job at an LA Fitness and I don't want to lose it! If the boss needs me then I have to work! She honestly got angry at me on the phone when I told her the news that I might not be able to be there the whole weekend for valentines day and he 21st bday. She acts as though I'm going to ENJOY working that weekend!! * * * !!!!


I really don't know what to do...and I feel that whenever any argument arises I may say something I shouldn't--probably something in reference to Victor....


I feel as though my gf has had a history of jealous boyfriends, and the fact that I am not one of them troubles her. This Victor situation might just be something she is reveling in....that really hurt to write that.


Please, if you have read this....if you think you can give me some insight as to how I should conduct myself...I am all ears. This is killing me, and I am in need of advice.


Thank you so much and I am so sorry about the length.



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I am not one to say much as I am a jealous person but..,


Women do love jealous men to an extent. We love to see our men get upset that another man may want us. It makes us feel good so you may be onto something knowing she may enjoy this. I do no think there is anything going on with her. I flirt with everyone it's my nature. But I never act on it. My bf knows this and knows that he comes first. I do have to say I will NEVER flirt in front of my bf cause that is disrespectful.


I'd do what I can to get off work and "surprise" her to see what she has to say when you pop up at the club where she is with friends and Victor.


I'm all about being sneaky and let me tell you. It protects you. Go with your gut on this.

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