I Think i need help

[seanyd08]

I await the day I die. I sometimes think about taking my car off the road to end it all. I have already had accidents, but have only injured myself. everyday, i think of other easier ways to die. I know its selfish, i know i shouldn't. but i have had enough. I try to speed the life process more and more by drinking and smoking excessively and taking any drug i can get my hands on. last time i was in one of those moods i heard that 30 panadol are possibly lethal. I took 47, not to mention the other tabs i got my hands on... antibiotics, pure codiene, anything that had something in it. I felt incredibly sick for weeks. And got me depressed that it didn't work. I try to help people with their problems, but no one seems to think about me. i feel worthless, useless, just a waste of skin. I don't want this life anymore. thankfully i believe in reincarnation. So death doesn't worry me. I'm scared i may do something drastic soon. I'm too stubborn to see a psychiatrist. I dont open up to anyone, as i just feel like i am weighing them down with my problems.

[BellaDonna]

Hi. I am sorry that you are so depressed.

I'm too stubborn to see a psychiatrist.

 

You absultely have to let go of that if you ever want to get better.

 

I have been depressed before. I sought the help of a counselor and took medication for a year. I don't need either now but back when I was clinically depressed it helped me cope with life. It was a crutch until I was able to get through it on my own.

 

You have been taking EXTREME and dangerous measures to self medicate in attempts to make yourself feel better/escape- but there are really much more simple things you can do that will actually help (and not hurt) you over time (counseling combined with proper medication). You need to tell your doctor or someone else about your depression so that you can begin effective treatment.

 

I dont open up to anyone, as i just feel like i am weighing them down with my problems.

 

A lot of people think seeing a counselor is very invasive. It didn't find it to be that way. I would strongly suggest "cognitive behavioral therapy" because it is very practical and it does not require that you dig up all kinds of traumatic things-- it just deals with the here and now.

 

I am glad to see that the title of your thread is "I think I need help". You already know that you do (and what you utlimately need to do to be better) and I think you just need a push in the right direction. We are all here to talk about it with you.

 

Getting help is a very hard step to take but I think you've pretty much hit bottom now so it's time to take that step.

 

If you continue on the path you are on with drug overdoses and wreckless driving, yes, you could end up dead, or even worse- severly injured or brain damaged. Now the latter would truly be hell on earth.

 

It has to stop.

 

Do you have a general doctor that you see regularly?

[fantastic]

I'm too stubborn to see a psychiatrist. I dont open up to anyone, as i just feel like i am weighing them down with my problems.

 

This bit makes little sense because it's a psychiatrists job to understand what problems you have so they can diagnose you.

 

Don't expect a psychiatrist to change your life for the better. My own experience with such people makes me think they're clueless, because I saw four and they all gave me a different diagnosis.

[seanyd08]

No, i dont. Im just so sketchy about seeing doctors. I told my closest and dearest friend that i think i was depressed. All i got off him was "nawhh" I dont think he knew how much that hurt me. Im scared that if something happens to mum, its going to push me to take worse actions. She is dying of cancer. I dont think she has long. And i dont have a father figure around either, he is just a chronic alcoholic that used to beat me. I dont know what to do. i feel bad for putting this topic up. I dont like people being concerned. I should have just dealt with it myself.

[leq]

Where you from dude?

[seanyd08]

Australia.

[leq]

Australia.

 

Right, well, what do you enjoy?

[fantastic]

Well the whole idea of a forum like this is to get suggestions or advice. People on here may be concerned to a degree, but not that fussed, because none of us know you personally. Don't be worried about things like that, think of it as a way to get ideas off of another.

 

You have to ask yourself why you're depressed? If there's a reason then medication will not work until the issues are addressed. Your mothers situation would be a major blow for you, and it's understandable you're quite distressed.

[seanyd08]

People on here may be concerned to a degree, but not that fussed, because none of us know you personally.

 

Maybe this isnt the best idea. Thanks guys. i think i need to deal with this my way. I understand what your saying. Cheers tho for trying.

[fantastic]

I'm not saying nobody cares at all. What I'm saying, is that will care less to someone we know, as you yourself would. The reason I brought this up was because you were concerned with us feeling sorry for you, and you shouldn't be that concerned with that, and feel like you can say what you want to get advice.

 

Try a psych and a councilor out, you've nothing to lose.

[BellaDonna]

Moderator Note: Please refrain from personal arguments on this thread. It is a SHAME that people are arguing on this thread when the Original Poster needs help.

 

Any further off topic or disrespectful posts will be removed, IMMEDIATELY.

 

To seanyd08, I deeply apologize on behalf of the moderating team of Enotalone that this happened to your thread. Please keep talking to us.

 

Please don't let this unfortunate experience lower your opinion of the site.

[seanyd08]

I dont expect people to help. I forgot what modern society was like, That was an example of it. Ill post later. its 4am i need sleep. Ive drunk too much. night, Thanks bella. You seem to care for someone that doesnt have a clue who i am. Cheers xo

[fantastic]

Well my own experience in life tells me the only person who can really help you is yourself. And I noticed you say you're drinking, and if your depressed, drinking is the worst thing you can do.

 

Alcohol gives temporary relief, then messes you up for a few days after. That's been my experience.

 

Maybe you should see a docter to get some medication? Once again, it never worked for because I know the reasons for why I'm depressed. And you know your reasons but you could try it.

 

Or try some herbal anti-depressants like St Johns Wort of 5HTP, if you're embarrassed or worried about seeing a doctor.

 

Also you could try speaking to a therapist over the internet. It will cost you quite some money, but maybe it will give you a chance to open up more? Some people find that way better.

[doityourself]

Seanyd08-

 

I care, Ive suffered from depression and suicide thoughts most of my life. It hurts to see other people going through the same.

 

It took me years to finally reach out for help. Im not saying once I went to the doc that my life changed that I was cured. It was more like an understanding on what was happening to me. Why was I feeling like that.

 

I also tend to hate doctors, I hate waiting in thier little waiting room, then being called back there, then waiting again. Then they expect you to open up and all I can think of is why the hell do I make appts when your going to leave me sitting for hour half.

 

But talking to a counselor really does help, I dont know if they care or not but they are a human that is not going to judge (atleast out loud) a person that you can talk to openly about anything and then they are going to brainstorm with you on how to help you feel better.

 

The meds- you hear differant opins, some say they are a god send and some say they dont help them at all. My opin is they help me when i really need them but I dont the dosage changes are a nightmare for me.

 

Im here to talk if you want.

[greensleeves]

Hi sean and welcome to ENA. There are alot of really decent and caring people on this forum, so please don't let what happened on this thread discourage you from coming back and talking to us. Sometimes just talking to someone and getting things off your chest can be very helpful.

[seanyd08]

@Doityourself

 

I am waiting a friend to come online so i can talk about where she went to get help. Thanks for the opinions, really appreciate them.

[doityourself]

@Doityourself

 

I am waiting a friend to come online so i can talk about where she went to get help. Thanks for the opinions, really appreciate them.

 

 

Anytime

 

Good luck on finding a doc, dont let it deter you if the first doc is not a good match for you. Keep trying, it took me 4 docs before I could sit and actually talk to someone. (really talk)

 

Good Luck

[BellaDonna]

I am waiting a friend to come online so i can talk about where she went to get help.

 

How did the talk with your friend go?