5 Years Gone, I dont know what to do

[soporcogitavi]

Im Struggling At Making the Right Decision

 

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Ive been going through an emotional rollercoaster the last few weeks. Ive been in a relationship for about 4 1/2 years. The First 2 1/2 years were great, very little fighting. Then we decided to buy a weekend place together. Also my girlfriend started University. It seems that both of our true colors started coming out, she became very vulgar when we fought, sometimes bringing up family and on 1 or 2 occasions she hit me. I noticed she had been pretty vulgar with her parents and even just in general. Our frequency in fighting really picked up to almost everytime we were together. Then things went down in the sex department, which she claimed was due to stress and us not living full time together. We would fight and she would hang up the phone on me, or leave, or she would go to bed with us in a fight, which i cannot do. Then she would pretend as if everything was fine.

 

Everything essentially came to a boiling point about 2 months ago, i had enough and broke it off. We broke up for 3 days and i guess some of me felt that i wouldnt find some of the qualities or things she has to offer in another girl (she does have some good qualities). So i spoke and i dont know if it was guilt or what or speaking to her, but we ended up back together. Since then I really havent felt the same, I dont feel in love anymore. And although i have seen some changes in her, i feel like right now im looking for reasons to break up. We have both threatened at points since the initial break up to break up again, when im with her i feel like not being with her, and when we are apart part of me misses her. I often find myself wondering these If i would be better off starting off new with someone else, maybe more compatible. But when i think of that part of me misses being with her again. this because im used to being with someone.

 

As a side not i have almost always been in a serious relationship, im 28, and ive never really been alone. I dont know what i should do, if i should end this permanently a start over or if i should continue on like this wondering. Either way this is killing me im so stressed. I dont want to lose her and on the other hand i wonder i could be happier and more fulfilled with someone else. It just seems i dont have the effort anymore. I have suggested a break, and she said that if we take a break its over, and she seems pretty serious about it.

 

Please let me know your thoughts

 

Thanks

[LazyDaisy]

Do you really want to be with someone that won't let you take a break and get your feeling sorted out? A person that cared about you wouldn't respond like that. They would be supportive and tell you to take the time that you need. Also, the way a person treats their parents speaks volumes - this is the same they they will treat their SO. She sounds very disrespectful.

[soporcogitavi]

i just feel so lost of thought of not being with her, 5 years later, why am i only realizing this now. Its really hard to let go. I try and remind myself of teh bad things and that only helps momentarily.

[blitzkrieged]

I know how you feel. Im going through something really similar. I cant give you the best advice cause Ive never even really left someone. I know they say the dumper doesnt care but I would really hurt me to let him go, despite my doubts... Sometimes you just really care and love someone but know they arent right for you in a romantic relationship. I can only imagine 5 years later. Maybe it will help if you let us know some of her bad qualities vs good ones so you can get a non-involved point of view.

[soporcogitavi]

Well good qualities:

-She's thoughtful (does nice things, buy things for me when she goes shopping, or gets thoughtful christmas gifts for my family)

- She's outgoing

- She gets over things quickly most of the time

-Loyal, wouldnt cheat

-Sociable

-Friendly

-Ambitious

-Like Kids

-Welcoming and generous

-Would be a good mother

-Has good looks and takes care of herself

-Likes spending time with me

 

 

Bad Qualities:

-Can be overpowering

-Sometimes I dont feel like the Man

-Sometimes Loud

-She's Rude to her parents and to me when she argues

-She can get physical (has slapped me and her brother when arguing)

-Materialistic at times

-High Strung

-Likes to always keep busy, hard for her to relax

-Likes to give her 2 cents when im doing something. Ex. Im cooking breakfast she'll tell me well you should do it this way.

-Say's things under her breath

-Not very affectionate when we're with friends

-Have a hard time discussing things with her without her hanging upthe phone or walking away

-Insults me personally and sometimes my family when we argue

[soporcogitavi]

Well good qualities:

-She's thoughtful (does nice things, buy things for me when she goes shopping, or gets thoughtful christmas gifts for my family)

- She's outgoing

- She gets over things quickly most of the time

-Loyal, wouldnt cheat

-Sociable

-Friendly

-Ambitious

-Like Kids

-Welcoming and generous

-Would be a good mother

-Has good looks and takes care of herself

-Likes spending time with me

 

 

Bad Qualities:

-Can be overpowering

-Sometimes I dont feel like the Man

-Sometimes Loud

-She's Rude to her parents and to me when she argues

-She can get physical (has slapped me and her brother when arguing)

-Materialistic at times

-High Strung

-Likes to always keep busy, hard for her to relax

-Likes to give her 2 cents when im doing something. Ex. Im cooking breakfast she'll tell me well you should do it this way.

-Say's things under her breath

-Not very affectionate when we're with friends

-Have a hard time discussing things with her without her hanging upthe phone or walking away

-Insults me personally and sometimes my family when we argue

[The Red Lion]

You sound like you're in a similar situation as me. I'm not sure either...I think she loves me, but, it's hard to know what to do or even what her real motives are...I like that you've listed her good & bad though...seems like a good way to start sorting out the truth. Maybe you should do a good/bad in terms of staying in a relatinship. What are the pros & cons?

[soporcogitavi]

So I woke up this morning, after about 5 days of not seeing her, and i decided im going to end it. Im not happy with the relationship and most of all not happy with myself, and although the thought of being alone terrifies, because ive always been in a longterm relationship, i believe taht my longterm happiness would be at stake. Although i Love her , i know that she is not the one for me, and there is hopefully someone out there that is. I think that part of this relationship has faltered in the fact that i have never really been by myself. Does any of this make sense? I hope it does, i think im making the right decision. the only thing that really sucks is that we own a property together and i will obviously have to see her and her family again after all of this.

 

Please let me know your thoughts.

[phaze]

Maybe it's just me but I think people are too quick to throw in the towel. I know the article below is for people in unhappy marriages but I think it probably applies to committed relationships too:

 

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