Double dating issue...

[matius]

Been seeing this girl for a few months, no talk about exclusivity.

 

My intuition tells me she's seeing someone else.

 

If I ask her, does that just signal the beginning of the end? I have the idea that I'll simply be labeled the jealous weirdo and that's that.

 

My chip is more in regards to being disrespected & lied to. Not so much the double dating...

 

Is asking this in the proper way part of dating? How might it be done?

[annie24]

maybe it's time to bring up the exclusivity talk?

[ohemgee]

You two are dating and you're worried shes dating others?

 

Let her know its not an open relationship. I did this when me and my GF were agreeing upon acceptable behavior in a relationship. She said I can do whatever I want as long as its in good taste. I said she could also and then I said "this is not an open relationship" and she agreed. Simple enough.

[jpmartin]

you can test the water by joking about things and see how she react

[matius]

Hmmm, maybe. I have issues regarding controlling behavior because it's always worked terribly in the past. So I am a bit stunted in relationships because of it. What is right to say or wrong, etc.

[annie24]

the thing is, if there has been no talk of exclusivity, then it is within her rights to date someone else. if OP wants to date exclusively, he should tell her so.

[matius]

Yea, it's certainly in her rights... but should I know and move with that knowledge or be dodged by someone who doesn't want to hurt feelings? That's my question.

 

I'm having trouble figuring out the right way to know w/o losing it all together.

[matius]

I think what I'd like to do is say nothing & pull back, put less energy into it & more on myself and what I need... See what goes where. Just need to stay strong enough for that state of mind

[oldenoughtoknow]

In all of my relationships that have become exclusive, there was never any doubt on my part whether she would agree or not. From your asking the question to this group, it sounds like you're not sure about where she is...I think that is somewhat telling. Even if she's not the type of woman who wants to bring up this subject, she would drop a few hints here and there. Women know that guys can be clueless in this area and that's one way they try to passively move things along.

 

Once you become fairly sure she will say yes, grow some confidence and tell her exclusivity is what you want. Until then, I think you've given yourself the best advice. Back off a bit. See where it goes. And don't put all of your eggs in her basket - maybe YOU should start seeing other people as well.

[matius]

Cool richpart, I always say though even if it's not a competition the game is rigged. Single women have such an easier time dating in this society than do guys... Plus it's expensive for the dude, that's why in most cases the guy probably seems jealous more than the chick. Small rant, but good advice.