Why is this so hard?

[kvb10]

I have never gone through something like this before. This break up hurts the worst and I feel like I just cannot go on. I dont even know why I am making this post because nothing is making me feel better at this point.

 

The first two days were crazy.. emotions all over the place. But now it's like I am settling into this dark place and can barely hold my head up and function. Gonna try to start therapy one day this week.

 

I know I should be staying busy to destract myself, but the problem is is that I am not even to the point of being able to do something to destract myself. I just can't.

[California Boy]

So very sorry. It can be very hard. Hang in there.

[HurtStudent]

Hang in there! You are only in the first few days. Trust me, it gets better with time. =)

 

Force yourself to go out, indulge yourself. Buy some ice-cream, watch funny movies, go shopping, play a video game. ANYTHING to get you through the first few days.

 

Then, when you feel a little better, take life by the horns. Make a list of things you want to accomplish. Things you've always wanted to do. And DO them.

 

Hang in there!!!!!

[Azilynn]

I know that it can be hard. I'm here with you actually. Going through it right beside you. The best thing you can do is do something. Anything. If you have friends, have them come help you out. Family, same thing.

 

I know you don't feel like doing much, I know your mind won't let you think about anything else. It's going to hurt like hell for a while. And that's okay. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to be upset. Cry, let it all out. But get yourself out of the house. Get yourself moving, get involved in something you like to do. Drown yourself in it if you have to. Take it day by day.

 

I know you don't believe it now. But in you'll be doing so much better in no time flat. Just have to make it through this.

[kvb10]

Thanks You all.. will try to keep your words in my head. Going to try to start eating normally again and visit a friend tonight.

[KittyBoo]

Make room for me too. I completely sympathize as I know from the hell I am going through what you are experiencing. No amount of encouragement seems to help me. It feels like you are going through your darkest hours. I pray for all of us to have the strength to get us back to normalcy and happiness again

[Trying_to_heal]

i also want to join the club.. It's been four months for me and the first 2 months where pure HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sleepless nights, crying all day, loosing weight and not eating well along with binge drinking and taking sleeping pills to try and rest.. I am still a wreck but everyday it gets some what better.. You will have moments where it hurts to bad and you can't function and then other days you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sorry for your pain but hopefully you will forget this soon.

[kvb10]

Thanks everyone. This forum really does help in some way. It's good to know I am not the only one hurting out there.

 

This evening I visited a friend and I am glad I did. Of course it didn't make me completely better, but I didn't feel like I was in the bottom of a hole either, thank goodness. Today I went to work for a half day thinking it would help me and it didn't. I sat at my desk on the verge of tears and couldn't do anything. Tomorrow I think I will take a day off, but still try to get out of the house at some point. It's just that sitting at my desk pretending to be okay actually made me feel worse.

 

I am an avid runner but haven't been able to imagine getting back into my shoes since the break up. I am really hoping that tomorrow I am not too low to take a run. I used to love running to my ex's house on the weekends. It was like 10-12km depending on which route I would take and was the highlight of my day.

[DazB]

I have never gone through something like this before. This break up hurts the worst and I feel like I just cannot go on. I dont even know why I am making this post because nothing is making me feel better at this point.

 

The first two days were crazy.. emotions all over the place. But now it's like I am settling into this dark place and can barely hold my head up and function. Gonna try to start therapy one day this week.

 

I know I should be staying busy to destract myself, but the problem is is that I am not even to the point of being able to do something to destract myself. I just can't.

 

This is exactly how I felt once this initial shock started to wear off. A life I had planned no longer existed and my future was a complete blank. On top of that, a life time of fighting various issues made me feel exhuasted and not wanting to go on.

 

The only thing that has kept me going on is - well I dont know. I just have. See what happens I guess. There are times now when I feel much better but still times (like now) when I slump back into this dark dark hole.

 

Good luck - you deserve to be happy and I hope you find it.

[kvb10]

Thanks. I know it's a long road ahead.

[kvb10]

day 4 after the break up.. cant stop crying.

[kvb10]

i stopped crying long enough to put on my coat and go to the doctor. I got a sick note for the week and a prescription for therapy. Now I am feeling okay at the moment and I think it might be because I did something for myself. I also ate lunch... but i took it a little too quickly and now am feeilng a little nauseaus. Going to try to enjoy this -non dark- moment while it lasts.

[Kaytie]

It's day 6 for me and I can relate all too well. I have forced myself to get out more and I have been going to work for the distraction and human contact.

 

Those non-dark moments will get longer and longer and eventually we'll have less and less of them.

 

Hang in there!

[kvb10]

Thanks Kaytie.

[kvb10]

well.. i am not as inconsolable as i was a few days ago but this SUCKS! Ive had some ups, which was good, but dammit I want her back.

 

Really wanna call her but we're on NC and it's only day 3.

 

Can't wait to go back to work tomorrow. I should have never stayed out today... Mon and Tues were enough. Today was just boring and lonely.

[BriarRose]

Just keep posting here! It is Day 5 for me. I cry, too. Try to not miss too much work....I know it's hard....

[Kaytie]

well.. i am not as inconsolable as i was a few days ago but this SUCKS! Ive had some ups, which was good, but dammit I want her back.

 

 

 

 

I've had some ups too - yesterday and today were a tad better, until about a half hour before I have to pack up at work and come home. It's like it hits me that she won't be here and I get some very intense anxiety.

 

I've found that work is a good distraction - it's the evenings and weekends that are really tough. I've been hanging out online, reading a book, calling my Dad to pass the time in the evenings.

[adamt]

I have been through what you are going through. i could barely think or talk about my ex without brekaing down. for a couple of weeks at work I couldnt concentrate, my memory was rubbish. there were times at work i had to go to the toilet to shed tears without anyone knowing. somedays i felt so sad and thought about nothing but my ex. i couldnt eat much, i slept for 3-4 hours a night. i would wake up and for a second forget we had broken up then it would hit me and i didnt want to get out of bed and my heart started racing. my head was working overtime and i just never felt tired.

 

All you can do is ride it out and take each day as it comes. 8 months on i still have up and down days and some days I just have no motivation for anything.

 

Just get ultra busy with friends, find some new hobbies that allows you to meet people, perhaps join a gym and set out a plan to get fit and in shape. do things that focus on yourself. the more busy you are the less time you have to fill with thinking about your ex. Try not to sit in alone on an evening. I go to the gym whenever i have a spare evening. I rarely have time to watch tv now.i'm the fittest i have been for 18 years. i've lost 22lbs and gained muscle and toned up. its just a shame the ex isnt seeing the benefit. but i'm making efforts to date other people. met someone i really likesd but sadly the feelings werent mutual. but it helps give you confidence and rebuild yourself.

 

Downside is I struggle to watch a whole DVD now as my mind will wander. I use a PS3 and surfing the net to occupy my mind when i am at home. i did start reading books but that stopped. must give it another try. I still feel emotionally raw and scarred.

[Kaytie]

for a couple of weeks at work I couldnt concentrate, my memory was rubbish. there were times at work i had to go to the toilet to shed tears without anyone knowing. somedays i felt so sad and thought about nothing but my ex. i couldnt eat much, i slept for 3-4 hours a night. i would wake up and for a second forget we had broken up then it would hit me and i didnt want to get out of bed and my heart started racing. my head was working overtime and i just never felt tired.

 

 

Oh man....this sounds all too familiar

 

I'm so sorry.

[kvb10]

Hey Adam, thanks for your advice. It sucks because I already have the gym hobby... But I do need to find another hobby. You've gone through a lot though. I hope that you will beat it soon and not have any down days.

 

I feel like I have backtracked today.

 

My roommate just told me that it is my fault she left because I was too touchy and crabby and that he would have left me too. I started crying on the spot because he pretty much just reinforced what I had been thinking about for days, that it was my fault. I know that I am sensitive and touchy and can be difficult at times. We had a hard previous two months and were in a rut. We never really fought and I never put her down or yelled at her. But I wanted to work on things and get back to another up. I know it's my fault because I pushed her away during that time. I feel like everything is falling down around me.

 

I came out to my parents this week and they flipped and said I'm going to hell and living in sin and I cannot expect to bring someone to their house. My girlfriend is gone and everyone is promising me that it is over for good and there's no way she's changing her mind. My roommate is a jerk and I definitely wont be able to go to him with my sadness anymore. I haven't been happy at my job for a few months and been unable to focus on tasks - especially now. I live abroad so most of my friends were her friends. My own best friend moved to another country on the same day she dumped me. I have no idea what to do with my life next... I feel like the last two and a half years of my life were just taken from me and now all the sudden I am standing out here on the side of the road not sure where I am or how I got here. I feel like I have nothing.

[Kaytie]

Wow, your roomate is a jerk! Knowing what you are going through he should have just kept his mouth shut if he didn't have anything nice to say.

 

Coming out to your parents the same week she left you must be incredibly overwhelming! No wonder you feel so down. I am sorry they aren't supportive. I am very thankful mine are accepting and supportive so I can call when I need them.

 

Add all that to the job stress and you've got far too much stress and pressure to deal with right now.

 

Do you have any other local friends to spend time with? If not, please PM me if you need to - I mean it!

 

Take care of yourself.

[kvb10]

Stupid Facebook...

 

I felt so much regret when I deleted her on FB. Honetly I was hurting when I did it and I just thought it would be the best for NC... i mean... isn't that how it goes?

 

Anyways... Now I still feel like it made me look immature or mad or something. Her sister had written me right after the break up and said that their family still loves me and I can come to them any time. But today I noticed her sister blocked me from seeing her wall. It's weird.. I hate social media. Now I have to wonder if she saw that I deleted her sister and decided to block me from seeing her wall as a retaliation.

 

I hate break ups. Everytime I start to make progress, something else comes up that causes me to start analyzing again. Blah...

[kvb10]

Feeling depressed yet again today. She broke up with me 8 days ago. NC for 6 days. This is getting harder instead of easier.