My Brother Ramping Up to Be the Patriarch

[spinstermanquee]

I don't know why this troubles me, any aged person has to have a "plan" for succession, especially if assets are concerned. I agree my older brother is the best person to do the job, if for some reason my Dad's wife is unable.

 

For the last few years my husband and I have avoided going to Christmas dinner with all of them. He (husband) doesn't like cold weather. For the past three years, the family has shifted the Christmas West to brother's home town instead of at any of my Dad's residences.

 

The thing that's bothering me is that my brother has recently created situations to make me look bad to my Dad. He suddenly (just prior to December meeting) proposed to make the whole family congregate in my home town on the East Coast. Then he neglected to update me when family nixed the idea, and (thinking I was working for the greater good) I pissed off my Dad by even proposing it to him. It was an ugly conversation. It was obvious I got thrown under the bus.

 

I'm not ready to embrace my brother as the head of the family. I want my Daddy ](*,) for however many years we have left. I cannot stand to kowtow to someone that I don't even know and who has openly admitted he's not interested in me as a person (we didn't grow up together). He is a car salesman with a car salesman personality and every interaction we have is like a negotiation. UGH.

 

Any advice, my peeps?

[Seraphim]

The REALLY sad part is we can not pick our family. I know what it is to have a member or members of your family that are a real pain in the backside. I am almost wholely estranged from my dad's family. I see my dad twice a year and his family maybe once every decade and only under duress. I think the part that you have to concentrate on is he is not the patriach of your immediate family and you only probably see your extended family at holiday times which equates to a few times a year. Maybe choke down how you feel about it a few times a year for the sake of holidays and really do not care what your brother thinks of you or how he tries to make you look. In the end most people know and can see the antics of a shyster.

[HouseKitten]

I would concentrate on keeping your relationship with your father healthy and just avoid being involved with your brother if he's likely to make your life difficult.

 

Your dad is obviously more important to you. Make the most of the time you have left with him around, and try not to let your brother intentionally sour it. Once the family members that you honestly care about and want to be involved with have passed on, you'll have no reason to stay in touch with your brother.

[spinstermanquee]

Another theme is, if we have dinner together once a year it makes us a family. That just makes me sick. Family is comprised of the people who are in the trenches, day after day, week after week, year after year. REAL family

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Is your brother interested in being "patriarch" or is he really angling to get you written out of the will? You don't have to accept him as any patriarch...your father is the patriarch, not your brother. I know what it is like to have a sibling as a stranger...don't let it get you down...just keep cultivating your relationship with your father and forget about your brother.