Between Ambitions

[Rangafro]

What are you supposed to do between leaving school and figuring out what you want to do with your life? I graduated from highscool in 2006 and after 3 years I have nothing to show for it because I've never had a good solid idea what career I wanted. There is a sense of worthlessness that has been building for about 5 years now and I'm concerned with where it might take me.

 

The most recent thing I wanted to do was to become a teacher and I was quite passionate about it for a while until I realised I don't want to become part of an education system I don't believe in.

 

I was studying for a Bachelor's in Computer Science once I left highscool but dropped it because I had never been more miserable in my life than when I was sitting in that lecture hall. I don't have the motivation right now to perform well enough to complete it. I never thought I'd like it in the first place, but had hoped I could slog through just so I would have a degree qualification in something and get a half-decent job that would tide me over until I figured out what I actually wanted to do.

 

Problem here is I'm living with my father at the moment and he said he wont continue to support me if I don't pursue higher education. I can either join the military or GTFO. I don't want to go to uni just for the sake of it and rack up more debt. I'm not going to bother arguing with him though. I know his values.

 

I think moving out and reducing his influence on my life in general would do a lot for my sanity. I think I need to challenge myself lest I get too apathetic. I don't really know how to handle this transition though or what I am supposed to do once I have. I'm still left with not having any direction or meaning in my life. I'm feeling quite helpless and hopeless. At a rational level I do trust that I will find my place in the world eventually but I don't know what I should do until then.

 

I'm not quite after education and career advice advice, more with how to deal the emotional aspects. I've never been one to talk about silly things like my feelings but I'm starting to think it's about time I did because I don't seem to be making any real progress on my own and I'm worried about the impact it will have on my future. I don't want to become apathetic to the point that I will not get anywhere in life even if I wanted to but that's the way it seems to be going.

[Seraphim]

I think in life we have to know when it is time to jump from the nest or we stagnate. Maybe it is your time to jump and test out those wings? My husband spent YEARS doing what his father "expected" him to do, but he was not happy doing it and he was an anxiety driven mess. It took him till he 38 years old to say ,"ya know what dad BACK OFF!" Even though he had left home at 23 he was still home in his mind.He has been much happier ever since. Seriously live your life for YOU. You are the one that has to live it day after day.

[hexaemeron]

I went crazy, tried to kill myself, came out, dated about 10,000 guys and then got kicked out of school and then worked my way up from cashier at Arby to an almost 6 figure income without a degree in less than 10 years.

 

Sounds exciting when I type it all out like that.

[Rangafro]

Stagnate is exactly the word that springs to mind. I don't want to get used to this state. I don't think my father is trying to control my life or pressure me into anything, he just has very different priorities in life than me. I'm grateful that I live in a world where people have the freedom to get 6 figure incomes and date 10,000 guys. My father didn't have that, he grew up very poor. As such his whole motivating force has just been to make more and more money. Life is complete for him as long as he has money. I want something beyond the paycheck though; something that is meaningful to me and I feel guilty for that sometimes as if I should be happy that I even have a job at all.