Is this guy blowing me off?

[cuddlebug]

Hi all. First time poster in this forum.

 

I met a guy at a party, we got in touch casually a month after that and he invited me rock climbing. I had a fantastic time, laughed a lot, thought he did too, but when the night ended, neither person said, "This was great, let's do it again." Nobody called anyone for 3 weeks. I sent him an email after 3 weeks and this was the response:

 

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hey john, i had fun climbing last month. want to go to cityrock in the next week or two? how was your new year's? i was at cityrock a few days ago and "smear campaign" is gone...

 

hey vanessa, new years was great. I'm working toward an engineering deadline over the next couple weeks, so climbing is going to suffer and probably be sporadic at best. Let's get in touch a couple weeks out and set something up. --John

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note - "smear campaign" is a climbing route i tried for a long time when we were there. also note - he is a pretty confident guy, who coordinated everything the first time we went. do you think he's blowing me off, or is this normal? should i get in touch next, or wait for him? i didn't respond to this. he sent it a week ago.

 

thanks!!

[Russ]

Don't respond.

 

If the guy's interested, he'll come to you when all the stuff in his current life is out of the way.

[BriarRose]

Yes, you were blown off - I'm sorry

 

In hindsight, you should never have contacted him after not hearing from him for 3 weeks, but I understand.

[cuddlebug]

The reason I contacted him is that i'm effing awesome, and it costs me nothing to probe the world and see what's there. If I leave no stone unturned, I sleep better at night. And some small percent of guys are shy.

[Yates33]

The reason I contacted him is that i'm effing awesome, and it costs me nothing to probe the world and see what's there. If I leave no stone unturned, I sleep better at night. And some small percent of guys are shy.

 

You have a great atittude and for that I commend you!

 

However, ditto with everyone else. If a guy is interested, no matter how shy he is..you will hear from him much, much sooner than three weeks after your first date. Goodluck!

[bebeblondie]

I think I disagree with most of the posters...I think your email sounded like you were interested in nothing more than a climbing buddy. Therefore I don't think he was blowing you off because I doubt he thinks you're romantically interested in him, and his response sounded honest to me. Basically sounds to me like you two are more friends or acquaintances rather than anything else.

[cuddlebug]

Thanks for the input everyone.

 

Bebeblondie, I considered that possibility, and I think there is a good chance it's accurate. This was most definitely not a "date." The reason we went climbing is that we're both enthusiastic climbers and talked about it together.

 

I still don't know if he's at all attracted to me, or quite frankly, dating anyone else. I'd put the probability at "low," based on his response. Also, for all I know he might be an evil crazy person. But I really don't think it can hurt me to see what happens until I'm a little more sure.

 

Also, oftentimes when I blow someone off for dating, I leave the ball in my own court, saying, "I'm busy this week but I'll let you know when I have some free time," or I'm noncommittal, "I can't make it but hope you have fun."

 

We'll see what happens!

[Pnt8rshs]

I'm in total agreement with bebeblondie. As you said, after the first "date" neither of you said you had a great time or that you wanted to do something again. Was the first date more friendly or was there flirting, hand holding, a kiss? If not, I think it sounds like you two both gave off the Friend Vibe. So he didn't contact you back because it sounds like you were only friends doing a friendly activity together that you both enjoy. Your email to him was just that --- friendly. You didn't mention going out on a date with him, or anything romantic at all. Not even an xo, or html heart, or anything. If I were him, you would be a friend to me. And if you are just a friend, then he is telling you he is swamped with work right now but would be interested in going climbing once his stuff settles down.

 

If you really want to turn over all of your stones, send him a slightly more flirty email and see the reaction then.

[Celestialagape54]

It sounds like a blow of to me. I would cease contact with this person.

[dragon111]

Absolutely doesn't sound like he is blowing you off. He has work to do, i often have work to do, you can't go climbing and have fun all the time, he does have to do his work.

 

If you girls think that that sounds like he is blowing you off then i am in trouble because i often have a lot of responsibilities.

 

However, i do agree that it sounds like your relationship is more of friends.

 

I disagree with lunarstar, why cease contact? you can still be friends at least.

[cuddlebug]

So, he and I only got together once, and we met once before that. Climbing was definitely not a date. I think he's really cute, but I didn't flirt or make any moves or say anything romantic whatsoever. No kissing or holding hands. it wasn't even close to a date. I wore sweatpants, lol

 

I think he has at least some interest in me as a person because he wrote that he "liked" one of my facebook posts tonight, and my facebook said he clicked on one of my links a week before that (I posted some pics).

 

I think I'll try to get another outing with him, and try to figure out sooner rather than later whether he thinks I'm interesting as a girlfriend or just a friend. I guess I can ask in some direct way, though that might be awkward. The problem with all these rules (a man will pursue you if he likes you) is that people operate under different systems and have different personalities. My friend Livia was really persistent with her boyfriend for 6 months, because he was a shy engineer type. He thought she was cute the whole time but always assumed she was just into friendship. Now they are married.

 

I also disagree that I should cease contact with him. He may not be the one for me, but what better place to meet a hot single rock climber than through a friendship with another hot single rock climber around the same age? I think I'll just see what happens over the next few weeks.

 

Thanks for all the advice guys! I will let you know how it goes.

[cuddlebug]

UPDATE --

 

The guy contacted me: He clicked that he "liked" something on my Facebook profile, and the next day he invited me to his birthday party which is Saturday (today). He didn't invite me personally -- he included me on an Evite invitation.

 

I didn't respond to the invitation, but I intend to show up. We'll see what happens!

 

Addendum: quite frankly, I don't even want to go, because my gut feeling says "friendship only," and I know that will sting. But I think I owe it to myself to at least face the music.

[BriarRose]

I am happy for you - I was wrong. I though he was blowing you off, but apparently he was not. I think you should go to the party.