To all those who have lost someone they love.

[Dagless]

There is hope. Although it may not feel like it right now, there is. The future offers that much if nothing else. No one can explain how it feels until it happens to you but emotions only ever do what they have to do before they pass. In time it they do subside and level out but it does take time. You have to give yourself that and be patient with yourself knowing that it does take time. There will be nights where you will think that you can’t take it and you will want to die or take your life but hold on, even if it’s to nothing more than to the voices in your head that tell you to hold on. Tomorrow will always be there.

 

When you lose someone you have planned your future with, build your dreams around, then you can feel that you too have lost your future and with it a sense of identity. There have been times I have looked in the mirror and had no idea of who I was. It takes time to see a new future, to dream new dreams and understand that you are still who you are and that you can start again.

 

I have always said that you are who you are and you feel how you feel. There is no guide book or time scale for these kinds of things. You have to take each day as it comes and deal with each emotion as it comes and it is always okay to feel the way you do because it is understandable.

 

The death of someone you love isn’t something you get over but it is something you move on from but only when you are ready to. It all takes time and patients.

 

It has been two years for me and I am just beginning to search for a new direction to take my future into. With the future comes hope…..at least that’s what I hope.

 

Peace and love to you all,

 

Dagless

[KG]

Very well put, Dags. I am approaching 3 years, and in a new relationship. Not the same as my wife, and I miss her very much, but life goes on, even when you think that it cannot.

 

Please don't get discouraged, people, you can come out of this sane.

[beautiful_love]

Thank you for the post, Dagless. Right now, the only thing that seems to give me strength is the knowledge that people do survive this kind of loss......I admit, it seems so painful that life does go on, but I know it does.....At this stage, it still feels like a betrayal to keep living......

 

KG, Dagless.....I know you have lived through this, as well as many others on the forum, and you have offered inspirational words and undying support to others who are suffering. Thank you.

[Dagless]

To keep living isn't a betrayal but I can understand why it does feel like that. As long as you go on living your life and remember those we have lost and the love that was shared then it's no betrayal. It's honouring their lives the best way we can.

[KG]

To keep living isn't a betrayal but I can understand why it does feel like that. As long as you go on living your life and remember those we have lost and the love that was shared then it's no betrayal. It's honouring their lives the best way we can.

 

Exactly! This is why I still wear my wedding band, though on my right hand.

[stella74]

Hi Dagless, it's so nice to hear how well you're doing now. It's been a long, rough journey for you.

 

Nice to hear how well things are going for KG too.

[SobeOner]

Thank you guys for posting your experiences up. Your stories have given me lots of comfort in these rough times. Its encouraging to see that with time you have been able to overcome the turmoil. Ive used the stories here as motivation that with time, things will get better hopefully!!

[just M.E.]

Dagless,

I came in here to put a note up about a loss and found your thread ... this is the right place.

 

My mother passed away Jan 8 and I was caretaker and advocate for the last 3 1/2 months. She lived a very long life and we knew when she was diagnosed with cancer this would be the end.

 

But we are greedy ... we want one more month, one more week, one more day.

 

When someone asked my Dad if he had any regrets in life, he said he had none. He did say the best decision he made in his life was marrying my mother, nearly 67 years ago.

[Beardman]

I just wanted to thank you for your words, Dagless.

 

I lost my loved one four months ago, and was about to break down. In the very beginning, I read your posts, when you were going through the same thing.

 

There was also this detail, your avatar, that gave me this awkward feeling.

The way Kyle Reese stares at Sarah's photo, so much sorrow in his eyes, it was in that very moment that I understood that I was more or less like Reese: the only way I would be able to see my girl again was going back to past.

 

But I don't have a time travel machine. I can't go back to the past. It's just here and now. She's gone.

 

Realizing this struck me like lightning. That, among other reasons, is why I started a thread here at ENA.

 

I also feel guilty and kind of selfish, not only in the way you stated (, she's gone and here I am, why?), but also because there are these people here who have gone through these terrible personal dramas, and here I am, asking for help, but I'm afraid that I might cause these people to revive their experiences. I'm so sorry.

[Dagless]

I also feel guilty and kind of selfish, not only in the way you stated (, she's gone and here I am, why?), but also because there are these people here who have gone through these terrible personal dramas, and here I am, asking for help, but I'm afraid that I might cause these people to revive their experiences. I'm so sorry.

 

I've been reading your posts Beardman, I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Don't feel guilty for asking for help. I know I can only speak for myself but the time I spent with my girlfriend is something I cherrish but her death and the time that followed is something that I had to live through and deal with the best I could but it's over now. Never think that your words will hurt because they won't, they only help.

 

Four months isn't a long time. All the things you have to feel, realise and accept don't come all at once. They come one at a time and usually when you least expect them. Keep going and hold on. The pain and confusion will fade in time but love doesn't.

[KG]

Beardman,

As Dags said, don't feel guilty. Bringing up the subject does not bring back memories for me. Please let us help, if nothing else, but by being a "sounding Board" for your emotions.