mom teases me

[nondescriptuse]

yeah, hi everyone, first off, thanks for all of your help so far. you guys have helped me out quite a bit so far. second, well, here's the ongoing issue: my mother teases me a lot. i sat down today to read the newspaper and literally one minute later she comes right next to me and starts distmantling the nativity. true, it's a good occasion for wrapping up christmas, but at least ask if you're going to rustle a lot of stuff right next to someone who wants peace and quiet.

 

that's just her personality. very loud, very annoying, always getting in my way. talking too much, worrying too much: these are her traits and she's been this way for as long as i'll know. i feel like there's a tremendous sense of bitterness in her life because she left and didnt complete college to pursue a relationship with my dad. since her ambitions and later her career at work were put on the back burner to raise a family, i feel like she has just never recovered (not that i knew her then, but just from knowing how my mind works that's what i believe to be a fair cause of this behavior of hers).

 

im thankful to god, jesus, and whoever else upstairs has my interest in mind. but whatever this woman has done to me is just unconscionable. advice, commentary -- anything save non sequiturs -- welcome.

[Capricorn3]

my mother teases me a lot. i sat down today to read the newspaper and literally one minute later she comes right next to me and starts distmantling the nativity. true, it's a good occasion for wrapping up christmas, but at least ask if you're going to rustle a lot of stuff right next to someone who wants peace and quiet..

I'm not that the above would be deemed as "teasing". Annoying, YES, but "teasing"? I don't see it.

 

Can you give us some other examples of how she teases you?

[nondescriptuse]

every night when i go to bed, she makes sure to announce that she's going to bed. goood niiiiight she says in very annoying way. and she'll say it several times until i have to shout it back. (both she and my father are hard at hearing... and they're not all that old... ) or when she goes out to the store, she announces several times that she is heading out to the store, as if that necessitates an action of mine. and she has one of the loudest sneezes i have ever heard. she just gets in my head a lot.

 

it's just like big deal. go to bed. go out. i don't give a crap. she's got to make a big song and dance when a gesture would suffice.

[Capricorn3]

Oh ok. I think you're confused with the meaning of the word "teasing". I think the actual word you're looking for is annoying. Yes, she does sound rather annoying, lol.

[nondescriptuse]

Oh ok. I think you're confused with the meaning of the word "teasing". I think the actual word you're looking for is annoying. Yes, she does sound rather annoying, lol.

 

haha. thank you.

[catfeeder]

How old are you, and how long before you're able to move out to a place of your own?

[glegend]

I'm sorry to hear that you have to hear this from your mother. I have been there, done that, I've pretty much heard it all from both parents. Its not the greatest thing to know that your stupid in the eyes of your parents, whats even worse is believing it; thats what it has done to me.

 

I don't know why parent to these things. However, I do know that some people do this on purpose to just get underneath your skin so they can see you flip out or get upset and start crying. They want to see those things to get the satisfaction of seeing you like that. It's like a drug to them. It's how they get their fix for the time being. It's very sad to say that people go through this all the time.

 

Just remember one thing, your not alone. Thats why your on the site. Whatever your mom is telling you to put you down, don't believe it, you're an amazing person and your better then that . If you also don't mind me asking what kind of things is she telling you?

 

I do want you to know one thing though. The GLegend is always here to lend an ear, and if you do want to talk about this further outside of the thread you could always send me a PM and I will respond to you.

[nondescriptuse]

Thanks everyone, especially GLegend. I realized too, it's something that kind of runs on my mom's side of the family: that whole sense of "here I am -- look at me" center-stage spirit. My brother can be really annoying too, for exactly the opposite reason of my mom: instead of calling attention to himself, he puts me in the spotlight and makes me judge myself. Like when I talk with him on the phone, in the few words he speaks he is very nosy about what I'm doing. And if I don't keep talking, he's on the other side of the line in silence. To a certain extent, I can appreciate silence if there is a level of comfort between two individuals; the problem is that I feel like I have to do all the talking because he's just sitting on the line. If he were to rattle off like a machine gun that would not be cool either; I just wish there were a better balance.

[doityourself]

You only get one mom. Maybe you can find something that interests both of you and try to hang out more. If you could open up to her about what your feeling and thinking she will notice that it gets on your nerves and try and work on it.

 

I know that I get on my kids nerves alot and I try to please everyone but I want to be myself to not have to go off of everyone elses lifestyle. Maybe the yelling that shes going to do this or that, maybe shes making sure someone hears her or maybe shes checking to see if anyone hears her when she talks.

[WomanWriter]

Hey, you're not alone. My grandma who lives with me sounds just like this. She will slam down the toilet seat or slam the cupboard door early in the morning just because she wants someone to get out of bed so she can complain to them about her latest gripe.

 

She makes a big production out of every little thing...like if they spelled her name wrong on a mail advertisement! She will go on and on, whining and getting all wound up because of it and expects everyone to do a song and dance about it.

 

My mom is also like this and if something happens, like...God forgbid...her lipstick is smeared, etc., it's the end of the world and everyone must hear about it, answer a zillion questions, etc.

 

It's mostly insecurity. But it can be so annoying when we feel we are responsible for their security.

 

I felt insecure as a child myself because I never had that sense of trust. My family is so narcissistic that I constantly felt I had to reassure them and be an audience for their hysteria and dramatics.

 

My grandma also must make a huge production of telling me she has to go to the bathroom (she says it over and over...no she doesn't have dementia...she keeps going to get tested so she can prove it, but the doctors keep telling her no and she wants to get all these other opinions). I just say "Ok, you gotta go...so go." Like she wants something from me or something.

 

I guess this is why I feel so angry about other people and their expectations and probably why I have such high expectations myself. I see parts of these drama queens in me to some extent and must exterminate them in my daily life.

 

See, here i am being narcissitic by talking about me, me, me.

 

But anyway, you aren't alone. I think it's insecurity from a weak ego. Sadly, I don't think there is much you can do except ignore it as much as possible and try to steer clear from developing too much of that behavior yourself.

[nondescriptuse]

Maybe the yelling that shes going to do this or that, maybe shes making sure someone hears her or maybe shes checking to see if anyone hears her when she talks.

 

I think this is spot on.