i feel like im giving up and cant do the NC...

[nychika82]

im on end of day 2 and im feeling completely awful all i do is cry and cry and did i mention cry. I discovered deep hard core feelings for him that i never thought i felt for him with the whole concept of "you dont know what you have until you lose it". We were together for 5 years, i cant just move on like nothing ever happened, im waiting and praying to G-d wishing he will grant us to get back with each other soon. we were the bestest friends ever as well as lovers. Not will i lose him as a boyfriend but as a best friend so its double the pain for me. Im going to keep the NC till early February then if still no contact from him im going to contact him for us to be at least best friends. I need him in my life, he was the best thing that ever happened to me and i messed things up by treating him so badly. I dont know if in my heart he will come back cuz he is so hurt from how i treated/spoke to him for all those 5 years. Please dont tell me to move on becuz i simply i cant he means the world to me he is the GREATEST guy ever known and i messed things up not him!!!

 

read my thread:

[furiouspsych]

You'll look back on this in the future and be like "wow," I can't believe he had a hold of me like that. That's what happened with me, I didn't talk to the ex for about 2 years, then we talked and were able to be friends. She cheated and CRUSHED me, but that was 2006 and just tonight we chatted on Facebook.

 

Hurts like hell now, just wanted to let you know that if it is over...you'll survive.

[nychika82]

ofcourse he has a hold of me because he is the greatest guy ever with a heart of gold if he was a jerk i wouldn't be moping this way, oh no. this is MY fault not his. He broke up with me for the right reason because he does no deserve to get treated horrible but now im a changed person.

[furiouspsych]

I'm in a similar boat with my current ex. I really can't say anything bad about her to make myself feel better. I don't take all the blame, but I share it. She blames me obviously, b/c she broke it off.

At least we've changed for the better, right? In the meantime, just gotta get past this rough spot.

[RobD70]

The more you are in contact with him, the more he'll resent you. You have to disappear.

 

It's going to take a month or 2 for the negative feelings he has for you to fade but you have to be out of the picture for that to happen. Don't tell him you've changed, you have to show him by your actions. In this case leaving him alone. He doesn't care about your feelings and what you are doing, it's about him right now so don't talk about yourself (don't talk to him period).

 

Do not contact him and if he contacts you, don't answer. Right now you are your own worst enemy and any contact you have with him in the short term will work against you. Suck it up and find something to do until he decides to come around. He's probably annoyed as hell with you calling him and feels pressure from you. Pressure is the last thing you want to do to him.

 

NC is your only hope if there is any.

[Tired Tiger]

While I'm not a proponent of "NC" as a generic dogma, I'll say that you really need to leave him alone - especially since he asked that you do so. Any attempts you make right now will be very annoying to him and will be translated as clingy and needy pressure. But also don't waste this space and time - use it to gain your own composure and positive attitude. What you do now shouldn't be about him, but about you.

[supercalifragilistic]

It's important to do NC so you won't make things worse...and so you can reach a place where you aren't so desperate to have him back, so you can look at the situation objectively and analyze if it's worth to get back together with him, if it comes to that. It's not good to get back together when you are vulnerable like this because you will end up letting them walk all over you in fear that you might lose them again.

 

I'm not saying he would purposefully do that, but people usually do this without realizing...as long as the other person is willing to give, we take, and as long as we keep doing what we want for as long as the other lets us get away with it. Trust me, you won't regret doing NC. My relationship was much better after I did it. And the fact that my ex came back on his own free will and not because I was begging him back made a huge difference. He had never been as appreciative of me and as in love with me as he was the second time around.

 

Also, you say he has many qualities and is not a jerk...I understand...I feel the same way about my ex, but we have to admit that the fact they they left us without giving us an opportunity to change speaks volumes about how much they care about us and how much they value us. I don't know about you, but I want someone who loves me at least as much as I love them and thinks being with me is worth it, someone who is willing to fix whatever problems come up in the relationship and not run away from them.

[tony c]

cant agree more with all what you said there only if id of done this 6 months ago i know things could of been diffrent with my ex g/f

[nychika82]

why would i not answer if he calls me? he said he would call me IF he feels he's ready to come back.

[tony c]

why would i not answer if he calls me? he said he would call me IF he feels he's ready to come back.

 

probably because it would look like you were waiting for him to ring as if you had put your life on hold.

i would answer his phone call but just be breif and here him out see what he has to say but dont sound to suprized or happy just be normal as if it it was a work colege or friend calling you.