Will he come back after no communication??

[nychika82]

Ok so i been with a guy for 5 years not only were we bf and gf but we were best friends and we had a lot of ups and down there were a lot of times i treated him badly with disrespect, being loud which he don't like in a girl, having a nasty mouth ... etc BUT when things were going good they it was really good and when things were going bad it was really bad. We broke up before several times but nothing serious since we got back like days later but this time out of our whole relationship he is putting his foot down and saying he is sick and tired of being hurt and does not want me anymore cuz he has no feelings for me anymore. this is the first real break up we ever had where i feel its officially over. Even tho we broke up 2 weeks ago i still contact him everyday by calling him, he picks up and talks (i only call, he never does). Today i met up with him cuz he had to give me something i ordered to his house and he wanted to talk he told me he didnt want to be with me anymore cuz he has no feelings for me anymore and he does not want to give me another chance cuz he been doing that all throughout the relationship and he just sik of this and does not want to waste any more time. he wants me to respect his decision and so i did which he was very surprised cuz im the kind of person who dont take no for an answer. i tried telling him i changed, but he does not care he said its too late and he wants to end it due to his 0.5 feelings he has for me now. we spoke on a very mature respectful manner which he stated was a good thing for us because we didn't do that since we broke up. he said if there's a chance of us getting back together i have to let him go and see if he comes back to me, he kept stating me that he isnt promising me but to think positive with any situation like this being given to u in life so hence its a big risk im taking he said it depends how his feelings will develop after time and missing me. i said my final words to him while crying silent tears that i love so much and i hope he will come back to me and he will never find a grl who will love him as much as i do and if he takes me back i will never treat him the same way again because its been a reality check for me. he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said "i'll keep this in mind". he looked so sad, i cant get the image outta my head, he looked like someone died. Do u think he will come back me after i let him go and not contacting him? everyone i know who i told this to said yes, but i need as much opinions as i can get. p.s - we broke up before and stop contacting each other and he came back to me within a month, but the situation i dont think was this bad

[MikNomis]

All you can really do, I suppose, is respect him and give him his space. Meanwhile, you as well, should focus on your own life and try to live strong and be happy, with or without him.

[nychika82]

ugh everyone keeps saying that.. im just so scared to lose him he is the ONE.

[vertigoxo]

Give him his space. Trust me... NC will make him realize what he lost. 5 years is a heck of a long time, so there's no way in hell he's going to forget you in a short amount of time. Please, cut him out of your life. Delete him from your phone, your social networking sites, your IMs, email address, etc. Wipe him clean out of your life. Take all the things he has ever given to you, put it in a big box, and tell someone to hide it somewhere where you'll never find it. Take the time to grieve and cry your heart out. Then call up your friends for some comfort... Do whatever it takes to make you feel better. Don't get caught up in the party life- Drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. THESE WON'T HELP YOU!

 

I wish you luck.

[nychika82]

I agreed to no communication when he asked for it and thats exactly what im doing (DAY 1) .... i just hope it pays off in the end. I cant get him outta my head, he is on my mind 24/7. i really want to already contact him but i know it will ruin my chances of ever getting back with him. NC is the only answer to potentially save our relationship.

[nychika82]

im wondering what i did was wrong because i told him the door is always opened for him to come back in my life and im HOPING he will come back to me soon... im wiating for him. Hence he knows i wont be with any other guys and this NC im gonna take this really hard. Wheres, he should wonder jealous thoughts like "what is she doing" "who is she with" but he knows the answers becuz he knows he the only one i want and im miserable going through this NC.

[celestial262]

nychika82, your situtation is exactly like mine..nimus the 4 years. We were together for a year and a half ( I doubt he knows that either). It has been a close to 2 months now since we last broke up and I can tell you it does get better. My ex is SURE that he won't be back, I did everything to forget him. I love him him still but since he's unhappy with me for a long time I'll just let him go. We went from LC to NC... I havent heard of him for 9 days now and I do still think very much oh him everyday.

[nychika82]

when do you finally get it that its finally over and he wont come back? how many weeks/months... etc

[MikNomis]

It varies from person to person, it depends on how well you can cope. It surely won't be easy, you came out of a looong relationship, but what is sure is that it will get better with time. It's gradual and day to day it'd be hard to notice any improvement, but you'll have certain days where you just notice that things have gotten a little better, until you finally realize you'll be okay.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

i treated him badly with disrespect, being loud which he don't like in a girl, having a nasty mouth

 

he is sick and tired of being hurt and does not want me anymore cuz he has no feelings for me anymore. this is the first real break up we ever had where i feel its officially over.

 

I think rather than worrying about whether or not he will come back, you should be focusing more on why you treated him so badly over and over again so that he got to the point where he was fed up with being hurt by you. You say you changed..but people who are cruel to their partners do not suddenly change..they typically only say that when the partner is out the door in order to get the partner back. The minute the partner is back, the abuse starts all over again because the person hasn't changed at all...it was just the panic of losing the partner that made them say anything to get the partner back. Clearly he doesn't believe you have changed when he has had 5 years of you repeatedly treating him badly until he is ready to walk, then he comes back and you do it all over again. After 5 years of this behaviour he probably figures this is who you are and you will never change since you haven't changed your behaviour in 5 years. He figures, this is the kind of person you are and he is not willing to put up with it any longer. Sure he might be sad that the relationship is over and that it didn't work out as he had hoped..but being sad doesn't mean he will necessarily come back again..if he has had enough of your behaviour towards him that might be enough to keep him away. You need to figure out why you treated him badly so that you don't repeat the same pattern in the next relationship.

[Capricorn3]

there were a lot of times i treated him badly with disrespect, being loud which he don't like in a girl, having a nasty mouth ...

 

he is putting his foot down and saying he is sick and tired of being hurt and does not want me anymore cuz he has no feelings for me anymore. he told me he didnt want to be with me anymore cuz he has no feelings for me anymore and he does not want to give me another chance cuz he been doing that all throughout the relationship and he just sik of this and does not want to waste any more time.

 

he wants me to respect his decision

I think all you can do at this point is respect his wishes. Do not contact him anymore. If he ever changes his mind, he'll let you know. In the meantime, work on your issues so that you'll be a mentally healthier person for any future relationships.

[nychika82]

i worked on my issues already, im a changed person. i know its hard to believe but i am! a tragedy has to happen for me to do a 360, thats how i am

[MikNomis]

Hmmm, are you sure you have clearly taken care of your issues?

[Capricorn3]

i worked on my issues already, im a changed person.

With all due respect, I don't believe people can change in such a short time such as 2 weeks. It usually takes much much longer than that (imo). I'm glad you say you're changing and that's a good thing, but don't think just because you have changed that he'll come running back. Be prepared that he has decided he has had enough and is moving on with his life.

 

Meantime, continue to respect his wishes and don't contact him.

[nychika82]

i know you all find it hard to believe that i actually changed but i did, this is an eye opener and it snapped me back into the right place of how i have to behave in a relationship. other have seen my change and said they are proud of me. People are different some people change within days, months, years or maybe never.. for me something horrific to happen has to occur for make me realize what i lost and how i should never behave ever again,

[DIVALADY]

I am going thru it myself. Imagine 17 great years and he all of sudden starts acting a fool b/c he is having financial difficulites. He is now pursuing someone else and plans to marry her. I feel angry and hurt.

[anon196725013]

I left my girlfriend now, she was being too clingy and controlling in my life. She did not contact me for a month, I started realizing what I had lost. I went to her one day and she did not want to get back together with me. The tables completely turned and I could not bear to hear this answer. She finally agreed to take me back. 2 years later,now we are broken up again, she dumped me, I treated her badly, I am trying to slowly meet with her again and hang out. NC makes the dumper realize what they've lost. It has with me.

[nychika82]

so after a month your realized you wanted her back and you came back to herv or was it after a month? A lot of people say 1 month is the time period that your ex realizes what he lost and wants to come back to you... i'm just praying its a month or sooner cuz i honestly dont know how to deal with these feelings, its way too overwhelming.

[DIVALADY]

Sometimes if it takes longer is b/c they are obviously too consumed with something or someone. Chances are if you stand your ground then you might get things to turn around the way you want it to.

[iBroken]

when do you finally get it that its finally over and he wont come back? how many weeks/months... etc

 

When he said that he had no feelings for you......Sorry to be blunt, but you need to stop waiting for him. He said he has lost his feelings. That in itself indicates the chances of him coming back to someone he doesnt have feelings for, is rather slim.

 

i know you all find it hard to believe that i actually changed but i did, this is an eye opener and it snapped me back into the right place of how i have to behave in a relationship. other have seen my change and said they are proud of me. People are different some people change within days, months, years or maybe never.. for me something horrific to happen has to occur for make me realize what i lost and how i should never behave ever again,

 

Been there done that. Im like you. I need to hit rock bottom before I change. Word of advice. While you feel that this person is the one and while you feel you have changed, you need to take the necessary steps to make sure you stay changed.

 

Ya, the first time my ex left, I became a changed person. Until I got her back and things were comfortable again. Then I fell back into my old ways which upset her. Which led to another separation, and a third LOL.

So ya. Its easy to say you have changed because "you dont know what you got til its gone", but if you are awarded another opportunity with your ex, make sure your "changes" stay in place.

 

Good luck

[Hobbes]

 

Ya, the first time my ex left, I became a changed person. Until I got her back and things were comfortable again. Then I fell back into my old ways which upset her. Which led to another separation, and a third LOL.

So ya. Its easy to say you have changed because "you dont know what you got til its gone", but if you are awarded another opportunity with your ex, make sure your "changes" stay in place.

 

Good luck

 

People might just skim over what you wrote there but having gone through this, I cannot stress how important this is. Don't get too comfy! Continue to evolve as your relationship will. I remember reading an audio forum 6 months before my ex left me and there was this guy that had just had his heart broken and he was inconsolable and after reading that he had taken his ex for granted and not given her much affection/attention and sat around and let himself go, I thought to myself 'man this is me! If I don't watch out she will leave me,' and immediately started to panic a little and think about how I could sort myself out and give her what she deserved. Well guess what for one or two days I was a changed man, then by weekend, back into lazy, taking her for granted guy and then it happened.. I became that guy. I read a lot of people on here saying they have changed (I said this to my ex too when I was in the total denial stage) after a week or two or 3 - it takes a much longer time to change your mindset, it is not just fleeting behaviour, it's a way of life that needs to change and this is not done that quickly. You can consciously act differently initially but you don't have the ingrained mindset yet, it is not automatic yet. Tread carefully.