I dont get "no expectations"

[Wonderment]

People always have things to say about "expectations"... you know, "expectations are planned disappointments" and stuff.

 

How does someone be in a relationship and not have expectations?

 

arent you SUPPOSE to trust and rely on the knowledge of somethings..

 

example: if your boyfriend initiates sex once every 2 months, do you just initiate it yourself and if he doesnt respond feel like "Oh well! " and feel happy? You expected nothing anyways.

 

doesnt a person get really tired of not having expectations and having them not met?

[Scorpion Fury]

I think it's fine to have expectations in a serious relationship, just not when casually dating. I say don't have any expectations at first, because so many people put so much hope into someone they have only been on a date or two with, then get all sad when it doesn't work out. I think it's ridiculous.

[hexaemeron]

I think it's fine to have expectations in a serious relationship, just not when casually dating. I say don't have any expectations at first, because so many people put so much hope into someone they have only been on a date or two with, then get all sad when it doesn't work out. I think it's ridiculous.

 

This. People have been so poisoned on "my one true love" that they don't get it's a process to get there.

[shes2smart]

Making a distinction between "realistic expectations" and "unrealistic expectations" may be useful to you.

 

My husband has paid the electric bill every month since we moved into this house 3.5 years ago. I have a realistic expectation (based on past actions) that he will pay the electric bill this month.

 

I have paid the phone bill every month since we moved into this house. If I'm a little short of cash this month, don't tell him I need him to pick up the phone bill this month and simply expect him to do so....that's an unrealistic expectation and I've set myself up for disappointment.....and possible phone shut off.

 

With the example you gave, forget "expectations." It's time to have a discussion with him about your sex life, perhaps get check-ups to see if there's any physical reason for a low sex drive (once every 2 months seems low for a reasonably healthy young adult), deal with those and if you get a clean bill of health, look for any other underlying psychological reasons for it. If your sex drives are so mis-matched that no acceptable compromise is possible, you need to evaluate if it's worth staying in the relationship.

 

When it comes to things like your sex life, expectations are no substitute for clear, direct, honest communication....even if you have been together for years.