epicproportion Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Do you have sources for those figures? Cause in my experience more women are willing to talk about what is and is not wrong in the bedroom early in the relationship as opposed to letting something spiral out of control. If you buy a pair of shoes that don't fit are you going to wear them for a year before you take them back to the store? Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 This really distresses me. You're basically saying it's okay that she totally used her ladyparts to get him to stick around, and then admitted it to him. She lied to him. She totally baited and switched him and you're here saying 80% of women do that? Yikes. That's a terrifying thought. No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that IMO the girl fakes because she can't orgasm. Noone fakes if they could actually come! After a while, when you have to fake and can't orgasm, sex will be dull and you're desire will slowly die. Obvioulsy! It is not his fault that he doesn't satisfy her, cos she chose to fake and not talk. But THE TALK is quite intimidating to young people. And the main point being - if I am right, she is not a manipulative awful human being but someone who has a problem and that problem can be fixed! With GOOD sex. I do believe that before saying she is a hearltess manipulating #@@^@, he should consider that perhaps she is one of those 80% of women who have trouble coming from sex. Link to comment
epicproportion Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 We spoke about it again recently, and she revealed to me that earlier in the relationship, she used sex as a means to make me like her. She also admitted that she used to fake orgasms "all the time" to make me like her. No one is painting her in a certain light simply commenting on statements that she herself made. IMO if someone can not be honest during your most intimate moments it is unlikely that they will be honest in very many other aspects of life. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that IMO the girl fakes because she can't orgasm. Noone fakes if they could actually come! After a while, when you have to fake and can't orgasm, sex will be dull and you're desire will slowly die. Obvioulsy! It is not his fault that he doesn't satisfy her, cos she chose to fake and not talk. But THE TALK is quite intimidating to young people. And the main point being - if I am right, she is not a manipulative awful human being but someone who has a problem and that problem can be fixed! With GOOD sex. I do believe that before saying she is a hearltess manipulating #@@^@, he should consider that perhaps she is one of those 80% of women who have trouble coming from sex. This has almost nothing to do with faking orgasms. The OP said she specifically used sex (that she wasn't really ever interested in from the beginning) in order to keep the OP. Now that they're in a long term relationship and bonded, she decides to tell him this. She did misrepresent herself, her sex drive, and her intentions willfully. If it were me, I wouldn't let the screendoor hit my behind on the way out. How is that any different than a man pretending to be interested in a relationship when all he wants is the sex? Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Do you have sources for those figures? Cause in my experience more women are willing to talk about what is and is not wrong in the bedroom early in the relationship as opposed to letting something spiral out of control. If you buy a pair of shoes that don't fit are you going to wear them for a year before you take them back to the store? New shoes seldom fit. I do usually suffer for a while until they fit my feet perfectly They say that you usually really get to know someone's body after you have had sex at least 100 times! I obvioulsy salute to women who talk about their needs in bed. I try to be one of them. All I'm saying is that.. I've been young and I have had many young girlfriends, most of us have had this problem! Link to comment
epicproportion Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 How is that any different than a man pretending to be interested in a relationship when all he wants is the sex? There is no difference, and if that were the case here, flip the script so to speak, then we would be hearing about how what he did was so wrong and that the girl deserved better than him. It's emotional terrorism more or less. Link to comment
Lecturer Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 This really distresses me. You're basically saying it's okay that she totally used her ladyparts to get him to stick around, and then admitted it to him. She lied to him. She totally baited and switched him and you're here saying 80% of women do that? Yikes. That's a terrifying thought. So terrifying I'm thinking about joining hex's team. Seriously that post (annalisa84's) really distressed me. The level of manipulation and falseness is horrifying. It is NOT OKAY. Women that do it are WRONG, and anyone or anything that propagates these falsehoods need to be silenced. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I have NEVER came from sex yet my sex drive is through the roof. I have never rejected my partner nor have I ever faked. I also lost my virginity to my partner and he lost his to me. We didn't have sex in the start of the relationship to keep the other around. We waited a long time until we were both ready. We did, however, talk about sex quite a lot. When we actually got down to it, we already knew each other so well sexually through talking that we had a wonderful first time. The fact that this girl cited that she used sex to like him throws up gigantic red flags. She has an unhealthy relationship with sex and treats it like a tool to snag her partners. What's next? Will she hold off on sex to get what she wants? Will she use sex to persuade her partner to do what she wants? Does she ever just have sex out of pleasure? I couldn't be with a man who did those things and the OP shouldn't put up with a woman who does those things. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 There is no difference, and if that were the case here, flip the script so to speak, then we would be hearing about how what he did was so wrong and that the girl deserved better than him. It's emotional terrorism more or less. Heck, if a guy was to "use sex" to get girls to like him....that's pretty alarming in itself. Why are women deemed the gatekeepers of sex? Believe it or not...we like sex! We don't have sex out of obligation and it's threads like this that make so frustrating to be a sexually healthy woman. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 She told him that she purposely faked in the beginning though. It wasn't just "her sex drive failed" + bad communication. She told him that she used sex to get him to like her. That's insulting on so many levels. Link to comment
epicproportion Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 We have gotten so far from the original topic here.... Hero, this is a sucky situation no doubt but at this point you pretty much have 2 options. You talk it out get to the root of the problem, which i highly doubt it as simple as using sex as a weapon to win your heart. Or you chalk this relationship up as a loss due to the fact that it was founded on a variety of misrepresentations. Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 She told him that she purposely faked in the beginning though. It wasn't just "her sex drive failed" + bad communication. She told him that she used sex to get him to like her. That's insulting on so many levels. As a women, how can you judge her so much? She has trouble reaching an orgasm. She then meets a wonderful guy and starts having sex with him. She unfortunately doesn't feel secure enough to talk about her problems. So she fakes. She learns that sex makes him happy and she wants to keep him happy, so she fakes some more. Until one day, faking gets exhausting/depressing, thereby they start to have less sex.. Until the OP writes here. The core issue here is - she likes the OP very much as she was willing to put her sexual needs aside for a long time. She now feels frustrated and told him the truth. Good for her! Now they can start fixing the issue - meaning PLEASING HER, making sex also pleasurable for her. It is NOT in any way, his fault. It is hers. But it doesn't mean she's a mean manipulating person - it most likely means she's in her early twenties, not many long time realtionships, plus some damage to self esteem. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 She isn't putting aside her sexual needs. She doesn't like sex, any sex. She admits she never did but just wanted her boyfriend to like her. After all this lying, your advice is that he should pleasure her!? Read the original OP. She told him that she USED SEX TO GET HIM TO LIKE HER. What is not messed up about that? If a man ever did this to me, I'd be downright angered. I wouldn't be posting on ENA, I can tell you that. I'd have walked out so fast, the sound of his yells wouldn't have enough speed to catch up with me. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Let's reverse this and see how this sounds, shall we? As a man, how can you judge him so much? He has trouble craving emotional intimacy. He then meets a wonderful girl and starts a relationship with her. He unfortunately doesn't feel secure enough to talk about his problems. So he fakes. He learns that emotional intimacy makes her happy and he wants to keep her happy (and still get the sex he was after), so he fakes some more. Until one day, faking gets exhausting, therby they start to have less emotional intimacy... Until the OP writes here. The core issue here is - he likes the OP as much as he has put his emotional intimacy issues for a long time. He now feel frustrated and told her the truth. Good for him! Now they can start fixing the issue - meaning having no strings attached rough sex, making the relationship palatable for him. It is NOT in any way, her fault. It is his. But it doesn't mean he's a mean manipulating person - it most likely means he's in his early twenties, not many long time realtionships, plus some damage to self esteem. ....hmmmm..... Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 She isn't putting aside her sexual needs. She doesn't like sex, any sex. She admits she never did but just wanted her boyfriend to like her. After all this lying, your advice is that he should pleasure her!? Read the original OP. She told him that she USED SEX TO GET HIM TO LIKE HER. What is not messed up about that? I highly doubt she HATES sex or she DOESN'T LIKE sex. I guess she doesn't like sex where she can't come! After a while, all of us would think that. She was wrong to fake it, cos in the end the fake sexlife collapsed. But I seriosuly doubt she's a bad person! Cos she pretended to like having sex with him? I'm sure if they'd had better sex - she would come - she's like to have sex again! A person obvioulsy only fakes cos she doens't have "balls" to admit he's not satisfying her, she instead wanted him to feel good and like a hot stallion next to her. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I highly doubt she HATES sex or she DOESN'T LIKE sex. I guess she doesn't like sex where she can't come! After a while, all of us would think that. She was wrong to fake it, cos in the end the fake sexlife collapsed. But I seriosuly doubt she's a bad person! Cos she pretended to like having sex with him? I'm sure if they'd had better sex - she would come - she's like to have sex again! Hahaha.. a person obvioulsy only fakes cos she doens't have "balls" to admit he's not satisfying her, she instead wanted him to feel good and like a hot stallion next to her. Boooh, what a #^#^%! Wow, people.. I love how you are saying that if the OP was "better" at sex that they woulnd't have this problem. Wow. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I highly doubt she HATES sex or she DOESN'T LIKE sex. I guess she doesn't like sex where she can't come! After a while, all of us would think that. She was wrong to fake it, cos in the end the fake sexlife collapsed. But I seriosuly doubt she's a bad person! Cos she pretended to like having sex with him? I'm sure if they'd had better sex - she would come - she's like to have sex again! Hahaha.. a person obvioulsy only fakes cos she doens't have "balls" to admit he's not satisfying her, she instead wanted him to feel good and like a hot stallion next to her. Boooh, what a #^#^%! Wow, people.. Read the OP's original post. She told him EXPLICITLY that she has little to no desire in sex with him or anyone else whatsoever, but wanted to keep him so she had sex to get him to stick around long enough to fall in love. And now she told him this. Admitted she baited and switched. These are not our conclusions. These are expressed in the OPs postings. You can make all the excuses you want for her and evade the core issue here. Frankly, I don't care if she couldn't get off if she was barebacking on a steam shovel. She was dishonest to him to get what she wanted. If a man did this to a woman, ENA would be chanting for his severed head! Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Sounds like my bf! I do believe that to certain lenght what you wrote above is true. Young men have trouble with emotional intimacy and that causes similar problems in a relationship. But wouldn't it make more sense to understand them, not judge them? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Sounds like my bf! I do believe that to certain lenght what you wrote above is true. Young men have trouble with emotional intimacy and that causes similar problems in a relationship. But wouldn't it make more sense to understand them, not judge them? So, you are saying it's okay for guys to fake emotional intimacy? Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I love how you are saying that if the OP was "better" at sex that they woulnd't have this problem. Wow. No, I don't say that at all. OP was not a mind reader. But now he knows that she has to fake. So they can have "better" sex, more pleasing for both of them. And to HEX and his sockpuppet theory: Yeah.. I am sure that the OP has full insight of his girlfriend feelings, thoughts and desires. Looks like they been doing good so far She had to tell him she's been faking all the time! She's one hell of an actress for sure.. Anyway, I'm only trying to help the OP by looking beyond his words and telling him from my personal experience what his girlfriend might have gone through and why would she act like that. Let me drop dead if this is not true - the stories here are always one sided! Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 So, you are saying it's okay for guys to fake emotional intimacy? No, as it is not okay to fake sexual intimacy. As I said - dead end! But these problems are common and don't take much to be understanding. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 No, as it is not okay to fake sexual intimacy. As I said - dead end! But these problems are common and don't take much to be understanding. I don't want to be understanding to someone who lies to me. I want them to go away and never come back. Link to comment
annalisa84 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 I don't want to be understanding to someone who lies to me. I want them to go away and never come back. Too bad there are not too many perfect people out there. OP: Good luck! Link to comment
epicproportion Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 No one is asking for perfection. But honesty is not too much to ask for..... Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Too bad there are not too many perfect people out there. OP: Good luck! Respectfully, there is a massive difference between an overbite and cankles, and willful deception. That's like someone stealing from you and saying "Well, no one's perfect!" WHAT Link to comment
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