am i reading too much into this?

[arsenic_n_lace]

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting about this or not but… one of my best friends has been acting a little weird lately. We hadn’t really talked for about a week and so she was on Facebook and I was talking to her but she was giving me really short answers, anyway near the end of the conversation she asked what the three of us were going to do for New Years (her and I and our other best friend) and I said I wasn’t really sure but that I thought it might be fun to go out but if she didn’t feel like it that was fine because it was our other friends birthday the next night anyway. And I guess she read it the wrong way or something because she said that me and our other friend drinking both nights doesn’t make any sense “but whatever just let me know what we’re doing because it seems like you and blank make all the plans anyway and I have to go ttyl”

 

So I was a little put off by that because I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. And I saw her the next night and she acted completely normal but then I texted her last night and asked what she was doing and if she might like to play some board games with some other friends and she said that she was studying but that maybe she’d come out later and then she texted someone else saying that she was at her Christmas party. So why wouldn’t she tell me that she was at her Christmas party? I just don’t get it.

 

I want to talk to her about this but I don’t want to make a big deal out of it if it’s nothing. Maybe she's feeling left out but i don't understand why..

[Alabama]

She might be feeling left out; if she texts that "you and blank friend" make all the plans, it might be that. It feels very vague as she went to another party without telling you...I suggest texting her to see what is up. I don't think you are overreacting.

[Sanesoul]

She's being passive-aggressive. The best thing to do is talk to her about it, find out what her issues are. If she, in fact, is feeling like you treat her as a tag-a-long and making plans without consulting her first, then you need to start making plans together.

[arsenic_n_lace]

Well that's what i don't get because we don't make plans without her, in fact they usually make all the plans without me and then invite me when it's all said and done and i'm completely fine with that so what's her problem?

 

I just don't want to talk to her and make a big deal out of it if it's really nothing.

[Sanesoul]

Maybe she is having a bad time with something and taking out on you. I don't know, it's hard to speculate when you don't know the situation.

[catfeeder]

Your maturity and self-control in not responding defensively toward your friend is impressive.

 

This may not appeal to you, but it's served me well over time. I don't believe in rewarding passive-aggressive behavior by responding to it, as it only teaches the friend that I can be manipulated this way going forward. Instead, I do as you've already done--carry on with business as ususal as though I don't notice any snideness.

 

If a friend has a complaint with me, I demo respect for their honesty by offering a sincere apology and a promise to recognize if I'm doing 'xyz' in the future.

 

It really doesn't matter whether I agree with their assessment or not; the fact that they were willing to approach me and confide a grievance makes it legit enough for me. But failure to do that gets nothing but 'stupid and cheerful' from me, and you'd be surprised how long I can pull that off.

 

In your corner.