Just expressing myself

[vroomvroom]

I'm slowly going crazy over here. My boyfriend of 8 years and I got in a BIG fight about 3 weeks ago, and we almost broke up. Well... he's agreed to give me another chance and give it another try. The thing that frustrates me is that, eventhough he's agreed to this, he's put NO effort in since. I'm trying to put the ball in his court, trying to stay away so that he'll miss me but I get really frustrated when, after a week, he still hasn't called or even IM'd me to say Hi. I feel like he doesn't care at all. I guess I'm not really looking for advice, cuz I know there's really nothing I can do. I'm just here to vent. I decided to try and focus on myself. I'm a new graduate that's still unemployed so I decided to really try and focus on finding a job (not that i wasn't earlier). It's really hard to distract urself with other activities too when u have no money. Just about EVERYTHING takes money. I decided that I should try and meet new people. Maybe that would serve as a good diversion, get me excited about someone new so I won't be thinking about HIM all the time. Anyone want a new friend?

 

Haha! I keep telling myself that if he chooses to let me go, it's HIS LOSS! Although I don't have a job right now, I will be very successful one day. I'm an intelligent girl with a professional degree!!! I'm sweet, and caring too. Haha! What am I doing here anyway? Making a personal add?!

 

Ahhh... I feel better now that I've written all this out. I just want to be loved. Well, I know he loves me, but darned if he shows it. How much space am I supposed to give him? How much is too much, and how much is not enough? Anyone got any ideas? I'm trying to make it so that we see each other once a week, but I know it's not good to try and arrange these things. I just miss him, miss him, miss him.

 

In the meantime, leave me a message if u wanna make a new friend

 

Good Luck to everyone trying to get back together. I know the feeling.

[mike43]

You're on the right track

 

Just make sure to keep thinking that if you two are no longer together ... it's HIM that lost YOU. You will lead a very successful life and shary many happy times with someone you're even MORE compatible with.

 

Cheers,

- Mike

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Vroom.

 

You say that after the "big fight" that he decided to give you another chance.

 

Are you at fault for something here? if so,could it be that he is possibly expecting you to make it up to him? (give it another try,as he says).

 

Whether or not the reasons of the fight were your fault or not, I believe hes blamming you for it. this may or may not be true. so if its not, dont blame yourself.

 

Was your relationship rocky before the "big fight"? or was it smooth running?

 

I sense from your post feelings of low self esteem, did your boyfriend make some kind of personnal attack on your economic situation or is this just how you feel?

 

Please give more information, id be happy to help you through this painful ordeal, post in forum or send me a PM. either way ill try and help.

 

take care.

[SwingFox]

Hey vroomvroom,

 

I like the way you posted ... good job. You are very positive over yourself and this situation. It's also good to see that you focus on other important things as well. Good work!!

 

As far as you sending a personal add... *grins*: you don't need it! You're doing fine, but feel free to find me somewhere on MSN or so. I also love to meet new people.

 

Good luck in all you do

 

~ SwingFox ~

[vroomvroom]

Thanks for your kind words everyone! Things are looking up for me on the job front! Woo Hoo! I officially start a new job TOMORROW!!!! YIPPEE!!!!! Not totally related to the engineering degree that I have BUT the job IS related to computers and I'LL TAKE IT!

 

Gilgamesh - to answer your questions... YES, I kinda provoked the BIG FIGHT but I don't think he's waiting for me to make it up to him. I think he's just not over it yet, eventho he agreed to give me another chance. I guess it'll just take time. I'm just glad now that I have a job that'll keep me distracted during the day so I won't always be wondering about him.

And about the low self esteem related to my unemployment... he had nothing to do with that cuz he had some trouble last year as well trying to find a job. And actually, he's miserable at the job he's at now. Probably the job that I just landed would be much better suited to him so I'll try and see what I can do once I've been working for a bit. My feelings of low self esteem definitely come from within. I just felt so utterly useless. I had put in so much time, effort and $$$ into getting a good, professional degree so that I specifically wouldn't have to worry about finding a job.. but alas, that's exactly the situation I found myself in. I was doing little temp jobs in between to earn money, but... I dunno... maybe I'm just a snob... I was totally unsatisfied doing what I considered to be menial, insignificant work when I had worked so hard to pursue a HIGHER EDUCATION. I'm trying to view this opportunity as my BIG BREAK and I intend to give it my all!

Before the big fight, things seemed to be going smoothly. I knew he was stressed out about his own job situation, and that was making him retreat behind his big, brick cement wall. He barely had anything to say and I felt us growing kinda distant. Of course, that scared me. And the fact that I was also stressed out about not being able to find a job myself made me want to latch onto him. My sense of security. I think I expect him to be my rock when my world seems to be spinning out of control. But, I guess the problem is that he doesn't even feel in control of his own world, so he definitely is not in a position to stabilize mine. Not sure... whaddya think 'bout my analysis so far?

 

I really don't think I ask for much but even what I do ask for seems to be too much for him right now. I love him tho and ultimately want to be with him. I know he's going through some inner turmoil tho. That's why I'm just trying to focus more on myself while he sorts out whatever's going on with him. I think this job is a good start.

I'm trying to discover what my passion is. I don't have one but I wish I did. My boyfriend has a passion. His is video games. Whenever he doesn't want to deal with anything, he immerses himself in videogames and plays them every opportunity he gets. I think I need some sort of distraction like that.

 

Thanks. I'd totally appreciate any support people can give. I know I am strong, but it never hurts to have people behind you to lend u that little extra bit...

[Gilgamesh]

you look like your on the right track, isnt it great? sometimes all you need to do is write/vent in these forums, and different people will respond with different suggestions, which makes you look at things from a different angle, and presto.

 

Sometimes the answers are right there, and just needed to be sorted out.

 

good luck in your Job!

[Trisha1607306449]

That is good news on the job front, hope it all goes well for you.

 

As for the temp positions you worked you never know when something you learned may come in useful and I have always found that junior staff have a great deal of respect for senior members who have done the menial tasks because they know what is being asked off them is not beneath you and that you know how to do it too and appreciate their contribution. Which in my book gives you an advantage.

 

It looks like you will just have to sit tight and wait for your boyfriend to work out what he wants, although it sounds as if you both were just going through a rough patch.

 

The confusion between men and women is usually due to the fact that women want to talk and men think you want them to solve your problem, when in fact all you want to do is say it all out loud to get a clearer picture. Then sadly they feel hopeless and criticised which leads to the reflex argument as they defend theirselves because they don't have the answer. It can get pretty ugly if you don't let him know all he has to do is let you rant for 10 minutes maximum, after which time you will shut up. (try not to get personal and do thank him for listening).

 

When you get back together it will only make you stronger and hopefully able to spot and redirect any future conflict before it gets out of hand.

 

You are heading in the right direction - stay focused and all should be well