Rebounding after a break-up

[pip]

We've all heard of dumpees diving straight into rebound relationships after their partner has left them, but what about the dumpers?

 

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me several months ago. He didn't leave me because he was interested in anyone else - he left because he felt the relationship was failing (and it was). He was very upset for about a week afterwards, saying he felt bad for hurting me, but I think he was also grieving because he still liked me a lot and he had left the relationship after a lot of thought and with some reluctance. I think it was a case of him partly loving me to some extent, but knowing that we weren't right and that he'd have to end it sooner or later. He told me that leaving me was a really hard thing to do, not at all easy, and I know he meant it.

 

Fast forward a few weeks, and within 1 month he was already chasing after the first thing in a skirt that crossed his path. The funny thing is, he has never been a 'player' or anything like that - I was his first real girlfriend, and he'd always been a really 'sensible' guy who was never into picking-up girls or chasing after them. Now, after leaving me, he has suddenly started pursuing girls a lot more than he ever used to.

 

Can anyone explain this kind of thing? Guys, can you relate to his behaviour?

[degree]

He's lonely.

 

Yeah, he realised the relationship with you isn't giong to work long term so he ended it, but he probably still liked being with you. I think now he wants to find someone he can get into a relationship with. He wants the good times he had with you, but in a relationship that will last. Best chance of getting into that sort of relationship is to meet girls.

 

Well, that's how it is for me.

 

Hoefully I explained that okay...

[MrKawabata]

I think he is pursuing girls like crazy because 1) he desperately wants to be in a relationship to "fix" the past, and 2) he realises that time is short, relationships take time, so he'd better get to work on a relationship fast before he gets too old.

[JT]

I went through this EXACT same thing. I loved my ex dearly, but felt that past events could'nt really be "undone" thereforeeee the trust was shot etc.. so I left her and it was HARD!! Before that I was not so confident with women, but after realizing my self worth and realizing that I was capable of holding a relationship with a woman, this has boosted my confidence tremendously. So if you were his first, as was my ex, then this gives us a renewed confidence. Or at least it does for me. But its still painful.. by the same token its like I may never find that again.. makes you so sad. From what I've read, after a serious relationship the man is more likely to get involved right away, whilst a woman is less likely... so thats food for thought as well.

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

I just wanted to say I think JT hit it right on the nose. It is about building confidence. Once you have it you are off and running. Sometimes dating more than one woman at the same time is just a phase. It gets to be a headache after awhile. Being with on person in a committed relationship is a lot more rewarding.

 

Kuhl

 

8)

[JT]

Yes, dating is a real pain because you never truly know the other persons agenda. Right now Im' dealing with issues of doubt about my relationship.. how I could have been better. I'm very very sad, but i know it will pass and I know have the skills to truly make someone else, and myself happy.

[ItsyBitsyMel]

Most poeple (male/female) crave a certain amount of affection. Once the guy has been in a serious relationship and felt what it was to have someone truly care for him, he needs that feeling again. This is probly why he's chasing after girls. It makes him look like a player, but really hes desperate. Most girls can see right thru that, but some think it demonstrates confidence. What i dont understand is why you're bothered so much by his new behaviour? If you think there is a possibility of getting back with him, then go for it. If not, then let it go and let him chase after girls with short skirts. Remember, they don't know him like you do. Either way, it's either to get over you or to feel loved that hes doing this. It depends on the break up, the relationship and the guy.

[FreeAgain]

Well, all of our expierences with being the dumper or dumpee have different factors involved, so it my be hard to generalize. But from what i have seen, the dumper usually ends up in a relationship rather quickly, whether its a rebound or whatever, while the dumpee is left in healing period mouring their loss.

 

In both my expierences with being dumped, my ex-gfs ended up with other guys rather quickly, while i was left still wanting what i can no longer have. Same goes for a good friend of mine whose had it happen 3x to him, they end up with someone else within a few weeks (usually less), and it took him time to finally heal and move on.

 

Whether wanting to see other people was a factor in the breakup or not, i'd still say the dumper is ready for another relationship before the dumpee.

[lisaria]

I have to agree with FreeAgain. I think the dumper is much more likely to be in a relationship much earlier than the dumpee. They have been thinking about it probably for weeks. They don't have to get up off the floor after feeling like their insides have been kicked out, after hearing good bye for the final time. They've planned it. They are already healing or whatever it is they do. They are ready to party and play.

[pip]

Yeah, you guys are all right. It's definitely true that the dumper has less issues after the break-up than the dumpee. I just hope I get back to my normal self sometime soon, with full confidence and without wondering what my ex is up to! It really sucks being the one that's left shattered, but I guess it's a learning experience too