Letter of apology to ex to move on

[JT]

I posted this before but not sure if it made it to the board..

 

I've been broken up w/ my ex for two weeks. I am very sad, but getting over it. I felt as if I had said some words that were too harsh on the last day of our contact (the break). I wanted to send her a letter apologizing to her for being the way I was. She does'nt want me calling her, so a letter is all I can do. I feel very guilty and in order to move on fully I feel as if I need to do it. I do not know at this point whether to get back with her or not.. I for one and working a lot on myself and I am determined to change.. I feel as if she needs to do the same.

 

Should I just merely apologize and let it be, Or should I make it more "open ended"; subject to interpretation... maybe that I would liek to get together someday.. or is that just "implied". I was the one who initiated the breakup.. and yes I'm still hurting quite badly.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

[Michael2]

Be a man and call her. You dumped her, time to stand up, swallow your pride and pick up the telephone and put down the pen.

 

She will pick up, if not, leave a voice message tellin her you have to tell her something important. When she calls back, talk to her, tell her how you feel.

 

Letters are a last resort, and you are not at that stage yet.

[DragonGirl724]

i disagree i think a letter is a lot better than a phone call for many reasons:

 

link removed

 

im the 4th person down.

 

and i felt bad i smothered my ex when he was at a point of his life he couldnt handle it hencing a breakup. & i HANDWROTE him a letter & dropped it off in his mailbox (saved a copy for myself as well). he doesnt talk about it tho we only spoke for a total of like 2 times in the past couple of weeks anyway...and hes not ready to talk about it but i felt better jus appologizing & letting him know i that i know where i F'd up. u might not get an immediate repsonse either. and i left the letter open ended i said its cool u need time and if u want to establish a friendship/or rekindle a relationship of any sort u let me know. etc...and since i have no contacted him. well i havent contacted him in almost 2 months. i leave it all on him since i dont want to come off as smothering....check out this link as well it describes things better...

 

link removed

 

goodluck.

 

-DG724

[Scout]

I actually agree with Michael's post. Go for it!

[JT]

The thing is I said some mean things to her in person, and in email. She had her mom call me and tell me not to call her. She called me, told me she hated me and never to call again....

 

So I am still not at the letter stage yet?

[ravens_folly]

You know what, its not better to call either. You can be hiding behind the phone.

 

The best thing is to apologize to her face and do that and only that. If you can, walk to her, say your sorry for what you did, and then leave.

 

In such a case... calling is no good.

 

You know the hardest thing to do is to apologize to someones face. But after you do it, it feels so good. Well it did to me anyway.

 

Hope you resolve this issue.

[DragonGirl724]

k the problem w/ phone calls & face 2 face appologies is that it puts the DUMPEE on the spot & thats not right. he/she probably isnt ready to handle such immediate confrontation. i feel a letter is nonthreatening. it gives the dumpee or receiver of the letter time to read & REREAD the letter sender's thoughts as many times as it takes until he/she is comfortable to see or speak to their ex again. with a face to face appology, an ex can say in person to the one theyre appologizing to: "YOU DONT HAVE TO ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW" but the other ex might just react on impulse & either rush things & say 'ok i love u lets be together" if ur giving them the heads-up u want them back. and that might not be what the other one ultimatly wants after thinkin about it afterwards...its a difficult situation but FACE to FACE is a GREAT WAY to appologize ONCE THE DUMPEE is ready to face them again. once thats esablished then sure go for it. but dont jump the gun. and even after u send a letter sayin youre sorry u2 are bound to talk again more than likely & that i think is where the face to face appologies come into play & itll be at a more comfortable state in both your lives & it can be relaxing & not as intense as face to face immediately after a breakup.

 

link removed

 

goodluck,

-DG724

[healing]

If you were told not to call or contact her, I think that you have to respect that.

 

Write the letter. Read it over several times. Put it aside for a few days, then read it again to see if you need to add anything. If it feels 100% right in your heart to send it, then send it. Keep in mind, she might show this letter to people, so be very sure that this is what you want to do.

 

Also, it is not enough to just say 'sorry', you have to show it with your actions as well.

 

Good luck to you!

[DragonGirl724]

yea my ex broke up w/ me cuz he needed space but i wrote a letter of appology b/c i realize how i smothered him sumtimes & i said 'u know im not that kinda smothering girl i wasnt like that at any pt of our relationship b4 the last 2 months so i want to appologize for actin out if character & if u give me the chance to prove it to u again i will.' i know actions speak louder than words so thats why i made sure i stated that in my letter...u should too.

 

-DG724