bebeblondie Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Guys: If you were interested in a long term relationship with a girl you were dating for about a month, and then she took a trip with her friends to Vegas and didn't contact you while she was away, would this make you change your mind about the long term potential of this girl? The reason I ask is becuase I was in a situation like this a while ago, and my friend and I were just having a discussion about it in which she said that it probably didn't work out because of the trip I took. I don't necessarily see it that way, but I do have to admit things did change after I returned from my trip. Link to comment
Sparchitecht Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Shouldn't have changed anything in a logical sense. If it did for him, it's a problem intrinsic to him, I'd say, and in general wouldn't be such a catalytic incidence. It really comes down to the two of you, what expectations you had, hopes, interpretations, and understandings of your relationship, present and potential. Depending on personality types and understandings and hopes regarding the relationship, I can see the lack of contact being a potential issue, but I also recognize the validity of the argument against it being that your relationship was pretty fresh, and a trip to Vegas does not necessarily equate to anything negative without me knowing anything more about the two of you and the events leading up to this. In the end, I'd say unless your friend has more details to elaborate, you're not giving any clear reasons why this should have mattered to a guy in a logical sense. Link to comment
soul_soother Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 For me honestly, yes. Simply because, I believe the very beginning of a relationship is usually some of the best times, and it also reflects the kind of person you will be in the future. Now the idea of going to Vegas, is usually a played out typical "Vegas" idea. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas". The idea of not talking or calling or possibly texting for the entire time kinda shows that you were either too busy or he wasn't in your mind. I don't know if I made any sense but my answer is yes it would effect. Link to comment
mustard1234 Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 That's a definite possibility. -Had you guys totally decided (as in verbally/facebook/whatever) that you were exclusive? -How long were you gone? -Had he gone on a trip and made a note to contact you? -Consider if the exact inverse had happened, how would *you* feel? Basically, when you did that, you told him that you weren't very serious about what you guys had going on. You made it casual with your actions. This isn't necessarily bad, but could have been pretty hurtful to him if he thought/you'd given him reason to believe that there was more to the relationship than that at the time. Me personally, I'd be pretty pissed and I'dve done the same thing your guy did...step back a bit and kind of let the other person play their cards after they returned. If you feel bad about the situation or want to make it more serious...definitely tell him how you feel asap. Best of luck. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 I believe that if that relationship is pretty fresh, then expectations have not been set or realized yet, so I would tend to give a free pass for that. It also depends on how long this trip was, like if it was a weekend it's not a big deal but a week I would think be a long time for no contact. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 We had known each other for about a year up until we started seeing each other. Also I had booked the trip prior to when we started dating, however in the days leading up to my trip I recall him saying things like "I'm over the whole Vegas thing" and asking a million questions about it. And when I got back I noticed a change in him, when we were together he acted his same old self, but we were not seeing each other as much and it started taking him longer to reply to my texts. I know for a fact that he did not meet someone else during that time so it's not that. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 There was no talk of exclusivity, as others have said in my mind we were still pretty fresh. I was away for five days, and when I got back I tried to make it up to him by initiating more contact...I even got him a shirt while I was away. In the end I ended up breaking it off with him because things seemed to be going on a downward spiral. Haven't spoken to him in 3 months. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Well it can give a sense that he doesn't mean anything to you in the end really. He was interested in a long term relationship and then yo do this makes him feel like you are not. So why chase someone who gives signals which say "I'm not that in to you". Link to comment
bexcelant Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 one week shouldn't make any difference if they are into you. One way or the other if you're both into each other, then you do what it takes to make it work. So what if they aren't there for a week. Link to comment
Sparchitecht Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 OK, so did you tell him you were going, or just mention it fleetingly, or were you "poof" ? Nevermind, I see update. What level was your relationship on? Dating is a very open concept. What amount of commitment and feelings have been expressed, what do you know about his expectations and feelings and what have you shared with him? How much of your relationship is "up in the air" (ie: assumed but unspoken concepts of what "should" and "shouldn't" be done) and what are these concepts? Are you starting to see the pattern and how many variables there are to this situation? Like the Soul_soother said, if I got the slightest sniff that you were off in Vegas punching it to the max and I didn't feel like we were dealing with eachother on respectable SO levels, I'd definitely start circling the drain in this cloudly tub of romance. However, if your relationship was on more of an "open" circuit still and you were still pretty preliminary and open and just "two people who happen to be casually checking out the potentiality in each other" and you're BOTH in agreement on that precept, then there's no weight to the BF going postal. Link to comment
Samson290 Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 I agree with mustard and soul. You may have come off as a little insensitive. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 Let me just say the ultimate reason I broke it off with was because we hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks at that point and the day we had planned to see each other he did not contact me so that evening I told him to lose my number and that we were done. He answered me a back a week later with an apology and some bs crap about being busy. Link to comment
Keyman Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 I was away for five days, and when I got back I tried to make it up to him by initiating more contact...I even got him a shirt while I was away. . So at the beginning of a new relationship you went away for 5 days and did not talk to him. 2 days would perhaps have been fine, 5 days says I don't care enough. I think that if you had actually been very interested in him, you wouild have made time to at least send him a text message, but silence. I would have probably done the same. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 So at the beginning of a new relationship you went away for 5 days and did not talk to him. 2 days would perhaps have been fine, 5 days says I don't care enough. I think that if you had actually been very interested in him, you wouild have made time to at least send him a text message, but silence. I would have probably done the same. I did like him, I just let my pride get the best of me. I know I was wrong in not contacting him, but I guess there's no use crying over spilled milk Link to comment
In the Dark Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 one week shouldn't make any difference if they are into you. One way or the other if you're both into each other, then you do what it takes to make it work. So what if they aren't there for a week. Why not contact whiile away? The OP was not there in person or text so out of sight but not out of mind. You don;t think happy thoughts when the decision is no contact just because they are away. If you're interested in someone you make contact regardless. No contact mean not interested. For all the ex knew, this could be something the OP will do continuously in the future. Not cool. Let me just say the ultimate reason I broke it off with was because we hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks at that point and the day we had planned to see each other he did not contact me so that evening I told him to lose my number and that we were done. He answered me a back a week later with an apology and some bs crap about being busy. So did this happen before or after the whole not contacting him while away? Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 So did this happen before or after the whole not contacting him while away? This happened after. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 He probably did the same to you to see how you reacted... the entire mind game thing. Sigh, this is why mind games will end up in being single. I can say I've done the same myself and it ended up with never seeing him again. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 You're right there acrade... That thing the OP's ex did is a "see how it feels retaliation" before he said goodbye. I only do this when I am certain I do not want to see them again but I do want them to feel what they put me through. Some people gain some of thier dignity back through dishing out what was severed to them even though it usually is looked at as a selfish act. But you just don't care when you are the one who was hurt and you were the one who never deserved it. But in your caase OP, it seems you didn't have the slightest bit of thought. Makes sure you don't do this again when you want to be with someone. But on the bright side you have found out what pushes people away if you are inclined to push someone away again. Link to comment
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