Healings ups and downs

[Nappyloxs]

Okay, today is just a bad day. Not the worst day since the breakup, but the worst day in a while. My body feels tense, my mind just running with thoughts of her.

 

Its strange, because yesterday I felt great. I really don't know what triggered these thoughts. Maybe because I plan on going out all weekend, and I had a thought of "what if" I see her. I don't want to feel the same way I did last time I saw her for that brief second.

 

Recently, I have been able to find something motivating to think about when I think about her. Today, I just can't. For some reason, there is no anger, love, crying, desire to contact, etc... There is just a picture of her stuck in my head.

 

I know that this is just a picture of the best of her too! The woman who is stuck in my head does not exist anymore. Yet, my heart wants to believe she does.

 

I really wish I could rip my heart out and throw it away. I picture physically doing this as if I was in Mortal Kombat.

 

Sorry I just need to vent.

[Triplell]

I had a bad day today to. For me it was the fact that I'm going to be driving within 15 minutes of where she lives and not stopping to see her.

 

I also know it's because I will be getting drunk this weekend, and it only takes quite a bit of booze and my phone to ruin all the progress I've made.

 

I'm going to get drunk this weekend in hopes that I will be able to control my drunk dialing. In the fast I havn't been able to, but last night I had an awful night, and had about 4 beers and I was able to not call her.

 

ps, last night I went to the bars with my friend. It was her roommates birthday, and her sister(who is married) decided to get trashed and act like a drunk freshmen (loud and obnoxious). Yeah, I had to take them home, and she ended up puking in my car....not cool.

[newinvention]

Nappy - I'm right there with ya... Very unsettled today and anxious. I think it's our systems processing things - moving toward closure I hope...

 

Hang in there...

[Nappyloxs]

Triplell:

 

I am not one too talk about getting trashed. Shoot, I think it is okay sometimes to relieve the stress.

 

I have been lucky, I have never made a drunk call. I can usually control myself even when drunk.

 

Shoot, I should go to Hooters for a drink right now myself.

 

But seriously, keep up the good work on not doing drunk dialing. You actually just made me remember one my pet peeves, especially with my ex. I can't stand people who can't control their drinking. She could never control herself. She got all emotional and usually angry.

 

NO OFFENSE to you. It looks like you are 20, so I would expect it from you. I had to learn how to control myself when I was that age too! Now I am at the point where I can be totally trashed, but can usually control myself to the point where people don't know how messed up I am. Few exceptions.

 

Just a word of advice with drinking, always stay in control, don't let alcohol control you. That leads to nothing but trouble. Trust me it takes experience. At 20, no way was I in control.

 

I am not saying don't get trashed, because I am probably going to do the same. Just don't drunk dial her.

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks Dave, I know we are at similar stages.

 

It just troubling. Yesterday, I was ready to start dating other women. I was looking forward to this weekend, because I was thinking I may meet someone new. Yet, I knew that the feeling may change. Sure enough it did. I just wish I could feel as happy, confident, and motivated as I did yesterday.

[Nappyloxs]

D@mn, ENA

 

Why is today so bad? Its different than other days.

 

I am mad and frustrated. Its not the missing, blaming, regretting, loving, lost, thoughts. It just frustration about it being over.

 

Yesterday was great. Monday, DenverBachelor and I went out for drinks, I was feeling really good. DB gave me some great insight, plus it just helped talking to someone who is in my same situation. Yesterday, I really felt motivate to move on and start dating again. Then today my heart doesn't want to let go.

 

It wasn't the holidays or even that today is 3 months exactly since the breakup.

 

Why? Why do I still love who doesn't love me anymore and doesn't even exist anymore as she has changed. How did I, me, fall for a girl so hard? None of my friends can believe that 3 months later I am still not over this girl!!!

 

I think part of it is that I am healing, and my heart knows that once I let go; I am letting go for good. My heart wants to believe that she may come back and wants to wait for her. My mind knows that we weren't meant to be, she's not coming back, and there are plenty of women out there.

 

I guess 1 bad day out of the past 9 isn't that bad, but still. I am just so sick and tired of still loving this girl!!!

[tujna]

It is bad not only for you, guys; same on the girls' side Hold on, it will get better. 3 months for me as well and I am nowhere close to stop loving him. But, I am at the point where I have suffered so much, that I just want this pain to be over, somehow, even if it is by letting go, forever. It is the first time I actually want to let go.

[Zack808]

It's called the emotional roller coaster. Depending how long you were together and how strong you are within yourself, it will take some time to snap out of it. I'm not saying it will disappear, but for me, it is not as bad anymore. It seriously does get easier to deal with when you are at your "DOWN." I've been through break ups before, long and short, last one was 4 years. I just told myself, buckle up and prepare for the ride...No use fighting it. Accept it and realize that it is a process of healing.

[KiNo]

Hey, socialize with a new group of people and seeing someone new really help in healing up... just be sure to find true friend, its no rush to find a new mate...