Healing and sending email

[matador1972]

Well, the last week for me has been a huge change, ive been having a bit of a time of it, i stupidly started taking a synthetic hormone which really screwed me up and left me really depressed (for weight loss/muscle gain). Anyway, i got set back a few weeks, i had gone from being happy and normal in my ex's company, to crying uncontrollably last week.

 

My friend told me last week it was over, i was boring everyone now with going on about it so much (its been 10 weeks, she is seeing someone else for the past month), and i realised that she was right, it was over.

 

My ex still wants us to have xmas together with the kids, ive told her no, because i dont want to see her, i dont mind texts and emails, although even these still upset me a bit when they come through.

 

Crucially, i am now not expecting us to get back together when previously i did, so i sent her an email and i wondered whether people thought that it was needy/controlling, as I really just want the best for her and do hope in future we can be friends again (we have been together 18 years).

 

I am happy to spend xmas with her if she is no longer dating this guy, it would just be weird otherwise, and im hoping to have no contact for as long as possible. I am still open to reconciliation but it would need to be after a good time as im just starting to be comfortable on my own.

 

Its been a week since i last physically saw her and this has helped an awful lot for me, starting to actually forget how her face looks like, which is weird after being with her so long.

 

This is the email

 

"Re Xmas/Last week.

 

I want to explain why I was so upset last week, I didn’t realise it at the time, and only found out afterwards. I had been taking synthetic hormones for muscle growth/weight loss. Unfortunately the side affect of these was a bad depression as they suppress your natural estrogen, I had been taking them for about a week, feeling worse and worse each day and I couldn’t explain it, the week before I had been very happy and was happy to see you and spend time with you without feeling down/up afterwards, I think you saw that at the concerts and the lunch we had. Anyway, I feel kinda stupid, really stupid actually for taking them, but since the pills have now worn off I feel great again, needless to say I wont be mucking around with hormones again!

 

Combined with that, and what xxxxxxxxx said, it did really make me see that you were telling me it was over for a long time and I just wasn’t listening to what you were saying so last week really was a low point for me, but I think I needed to hear it from someone, it made me let go of you at last, im feeling confident and happy again now after letting you go, I should have done it long ago, but hey, you learn from your mistakes.

 

As for Christmas (and the Christmas panto, and the xxxxx xxxx concert, I am happy to spend it with you and the girls, but only if you are not dating anyone at the time, if you are happy with your new guy, then I don’t want to get in the middle of that, its not fair on him If you are still seeing him then, after all It would be a couple of months by then and you would both be pretty involved if you are not already.

 

Anyway, I hope you are keeping well, Im taking xxxxx to xxxxxxxxx tonight on a make up expedition so I expect ill be dragged from pillar to post in search of beauty!" (this is my daughter im taking).

 

Thoughts, opinions?

[matador1972]

Well i got a response from her saying that she has said that she wont have anyone impose any conditions on who she could see and when, so she still wants to do the xmas thing, i didnt mention anything about that in my response to her.

 

I wont see her while she is dating someone else, simple as that.

[catfeeder]

Well i got a response from her saying that she has said that she wont have anyone impose any conditions on who she could see and when, so she still wants to do the xmas thing, i didnt mention anything about that in my response to her.

 

I wont see her while she is dating someone else, simple as that.

 

She's telling you that she doesn't find it necessary to report to you who she's seeing. Period.

 

You can make this about you and your conditions, or you can make this about giving your daughters access to their father on Christmas.

[matador1972]

She's telling you that she doesn't find it necessary to report to you who she's seeing. Period.

 

You can make this about you and your conditions, or you can make this about giving your daughters access to their father on Christmas.

 

The kids will be with me on christmas day regardless, she is working nightshift on xmas day. She wants to spend traditional xmas dinner as a family when we are not one.

 

I already know who see is seeing.

[catfeeder]

The kids will be with me on christmas day regardless, she is working nightshift on xmas day. She wants to spend traditional xmas dinner as a family when we are not one.

 

I understand. My parents did this while separated; it was helpful for my sister and me to have the tradition continue. It's not something every parent can pull off, but it did mean a lot to us.

 

I already know who see is seeing.

 

So then why ask her for a report about it?

[matador1972]

I understand. My parents did this while separated; it was helpful for my sister and me to have the tradition continue. It's not something every parent can pull off, but it did mean a lot to us.

 

 

 

So then why ask her for a report about it?

 

I think you misunderstand, i didnt ask her for a report on it, i just said that I couldnt do christmas together if she is still seeing the guy she is seeing then, they have been together about 5 weeks now, so by xmas its going to be over 2 months which id say constitutes a relationship. If she is in a steady relationship then i dont want to see her, it would be too hard for me and its not fair on her new guy either.

 

Ah, i understand the misunderstanding, she has said that she wont let anyone she is seeing impose any conditions on her seeing me when she wants, basically, she had wanted to keep seeing me as friends and said it would be a dealbreaker if she met someone that wasnt okay with being friends with me, and doing stuff together. (we were at first, but ive knocked that on the head since she has started seeing this guy).