asia604 Posted May 27, 2004 Author Share Posted May 27, 2004 I have tried to concentrrate on someonelse, but he just wanted one thing, and since he couldn't get it, I never spoke or saw him again. I have tried to move on and focus on friends, family and work, but it hasn't changed anything, or made things better, I still feel like crap and useless. at this point I can't see life without him. Link to comment
asia604 Posted May 28, 2004 Author Share Posted May 28, 2004 any advice anyone else can give me! kipster help! Link to comment
lisaria Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 Hi asia, I don't think I have any advice for you, but I feel alot like you do. I sent my ex an email earlier this week after virtually no contact for nearly four months and no word. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. I did it because I figured he would not answer which he hasn't and that then I would realize that he really doesn't care and so it would finally be closure for me OR he would email me back his undying love and we'd live happily ever after. Ok, I really didn't think that would happen, but it sure sounded good. But I am still holding my breath when I check my email and hoping he'll write something for God's sake!!! We were together a long time and went through so damned much together. At least a nice good bye and acknowledgement of his fault in the break up. He cheated. Lied. The usual player bs, even though he is too old to be a player (44) and he's got kids and has been married and his ex cheated on him. So he knew how bad it hurts. I never ever expected or thought he would do that, not in a million years. Even though he was very good looking and girls threw themselves at him that were half his age. but anyway.... Your posts reminded me of me. I am much much better and part of me does accept this as closure. For the time being anyway. I know it's over, but I still think he's eventually coming back. It just felt so right and never ever felt like that before and I've been around the block once or twice. Dated ALOT, been married, divorced, a few b/fs since my divorce and nothing ever felt like that. So I do know that we are bound in some way. Maybe it's just the lesson I had to learn going through this, but we are bound together and this will not be the end. Ok, I know that sounds crazy but it's what I feel. I think it may take a while, but it will happen. When we first started dating, my old b/f called me after many years. The old b/f was his roommate and the guy I was dating when I first met him. How karmic is that? Do I sound crazy to you guys? I am moving on. I am dating again, well....sort of. Everyone knows I'm coming out of a relationship that hurt and that we're going out as friends, but at least I'm getting out there. So it's not like I'm sitting home waiting for him. Anyway.... asia, I know this isn't helping you any, but kipster is so optimistic and makes me feel like it can happen eventually that I just had to get this out. Please keep us updated. lisaria Link to comment
asia604 Posted May 29, 2004 Author Share Posted May 29, 2004 wow this is like looking into a mirror, aside from the age thing, because my ex and I are both 22. his ex cheated on him too, and he continously promised that he would never cheat on me or leave me. Its going on 3 weeks now and I am beginning to wonder that he will not write back, or even worse he is dating someone else, because that would kill me if he did. You don't sound crazy. because I hope that he will contact me and tell me that he made a huge mistake. I tried to move on with other guys, but I just can't stop thinking about him, my heart is still with him. I am like you, I know its over, but I am still expecting him to come back. I have had a few guy friends taht are wanting to help me, but they have told me that they want to pursue something more, which I am not ready for yet. and I have told them that, but I am not sure if they understand. I know kipster is great. I just hope there are more guys like him out there. Lisaria, this is helping, just knowing that you are going through the exact same thing as I am is helping me alot. I know I can get past this, but its so hard, and am just wondering when this bad dream will end. Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 I really feel for both of you, that some men y'all both loved so dear would do such a tragic thing to the both of you. But it is time to wake up and realize that everything that has a beginning has an end. I understand that y'all was such a good couple before you got cheated on but y'all two deserve the best and what may seem the best, isn't. If these guys do not want to take the time to write you or even realize they are at fault then they do not deserve you. They are not worthy of your presense and not worthy of keeping your hearts. I hope that this bad experience does not deter you from dating again because guys like that make it hard for all of us and we don't need anymore women hating guys because of stupid things like that. I would not even worry about them writing y'all because people who usually cheat move on. I should know, it was so hard getting over my ex gf cheating on me (at that verbally abusing me) and never telling me why. She married a guy she just recently met even though we were together for 6 months. I was destroyed and after only a few days, realized she was not worth the trouble because she was so immature. Now it is time for the both of you to get in your heads that those guys were not worth your time. I hope you two will find the perfect man because you two are some of the few god girls left on this planet and should not go to waste. Link to comment
asia604 Posted May 30, 2004 Author Share Posted May 30, 2004 thanks for your confidence in us outlaw. I just don' feel worthy of anyone's love anymore. I know you are right and we deserve better, and I keep telling myself that, but I have yet to believe it and convince myself. A year is a long time, and for us to share so many dreams for our life together, that is something that cannot be forgotten easily. And for him to cheat just 2 weeks after our one year anniversary doesn't make any sense. can anyone explain to me as to why guys (and women) cheat, because I could never cheat on anyone. I know I sound goody goody, but to me cheating is a sin. Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted May 31, 2004 Share Posted May 31, 2004 Okay, as you already know, the human mind is very complex and thereforeeee this is a hard question to answer because there are so many possible answers. What I can do is give you all the most common reasons why people cheat. First would be thay they do not love thier partner. Ther partner is providing them with something that they desire most (whether it be sex, money, a home, etc.). They stay with that person (and yes it can be years) until their partner runs out of that desirable thing or they find someone with more of what they want. Horomones can also contribute to cheating. The guy or girl can be horny and shallow as well (which is usually the case and does go hand in hand with the first reason of cheating). They see their mate as hot/sexy/cute/etc but when they see someone (in their opinion) that is better looking....they go for it. Another more understanding (but still wrong) reason would be that their is something wrong with their partner but don't just want to admit it so they move on to someone else. Maybe their partner is a pothead or he/she is psycho. Perhaps the person complains too much. But the cheater is afraid to admit it until after he/she moves on. Those are just the primary three I know of but there are many more. And no I have not cheated and do not plan on to. But if I do receive bad vibes from someone, I do try to interpret them and see what it causing. I only cheat if cheated upon. I don't like drama but if my mate loves me, I will return the favor. I guess it isn't really cheating if I have been dumped for someone else......lol. But anyways you do not sound like a goodie goodie because cheating is for the weak and heartless. I hope I somewhat answered your question. Maybe other people can reveal the other answers for you. Link to comment
asia604 Posted May 31, 2004 Author Share Posted May 31, 2004 thanks for your explanation outlaw, it makes more sense, but still cannot be used as an excuse for cheating on someone you were supposed to marry. I provided my ex with everything he could have possibly needed, love, money, support, etc. I did something I am not sure of, I emailed my ex to ask if he got the letter I snail mailed him. I asked him to reply back to see what his thoughts are on the subject of us. I am almost scared now to find out. I hope you and everyone else can provide insight to this. Thanks Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 I agree, it is absoultely NO excuse to cheat. If they really wanted to be with someone they would have been more patient and looked around some more to find the best looking or smartest or nicest mate. But then again, someone can beat you to it....which is understandable at times. But these people should never use the word love so lightly. i don't. I really do love my girlfriend. And as far as i know, she really loves me. If you think about it, if someone really loved and cared about someone, they would not be afraid to talk about problems between each other as opposed to just cheating and leaving. As far as insight on you sending out snail-mail and writing him, etc. etc., I finally have to say it but you are just simply destroying yourself now to find out answers. Forget it, he's with someone else now, he's moed on. if he don't want to answer you then fine, he obviously does not have a care in the world for you. By now you should be convinced that he is not worthy of your presense. Now if he actually does contact you, keep in mind, he is with someone else now. he might try to be friends with you. Whether you befriend him or not is up to you. But it is time to get over this guy and realize HE ISN'T THE ONE. You really want to get back with someone like that? Think about it....I wouldn't kill myself over someone like that because I've been there..... Link to comment
asia604 Posted June 1, 2004 Author Share Posted June 1, 2004 thanks outlaw, well I got my email from him, and as expected it was not the answer I had hoped for, do you mind if I forward the email on to you, to see what your thoughts are from guy's perspective? and Kipster too, if he is still around. Let me know. Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 Sure, forward it. If you can do it here, do so. If not, just forward it to email removed Link to comment
asia604 Posted June 1, 2004 Author Share Posted June 1, 2004 Outlaw, just send the email to you, let me know what you think. Thanks Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Anyone else got anything to talk about? Do men still suck? What about females? They can't suck? I guess they NEVER cheat or lie or use huh? (Just trying to get more postsers on here because me and Kipster are handling Asia's problem.) I do not want to turn this into a sex war but I am just stating facts without sexual preference. Link to comment
asia604 Posted June 2, 2004 Author Share Posted June 2, 2004 Thanks outlaw for looking into the email for me. Many people have said the samething, he is not right for me, because he lied and cheated, but that doesn't change the fact that I still love him. lol, I know women can suck too, I was upset and fuming when I first started this thread. Where is kipster anyway? and outlaw, keep the the good advice coming! Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 No problem, I try to make sense out of things. You can love him I guess but time to move on. Hopefully we got some other people who got opinions on men and women who suck....I think we wrapped up your case failry well Asia. Link to comment
asia604 Posted June 2, 2004 Author Share Posted June 2, 2004 thanks outlaw, I couldn't have done it without you and kipster! love you guys both! Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Well thank you, it was a pleasure helping you realize his worthiness, which is now NOTHING. But seriously, now I feel important because I made a difference in someone's life and I am sure Kipster didn't mind either. So it was actually my pleasure helping you out. Who knows, the tables might turn and you might end up helping me! Hope to see some other posters out there about why men (OR females) suck. Link to comment
asia604 Posted June 2, 2004 Author Share Posted June 2, 2004 anything for you outlaw, and kipster as well, I am in your debt. Asia Link to comment
gemmy Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 I had the same thoughts in my head about men too. But then I came to realize that not all men are like this. My dad is the greatest man I've ever known. Kind, smart, caring, giving, funny, and supportive. So, I have decreased my man-bashing. I know guys can be jerks, but I have stopped blaming just him. I also contributed to where I am now in my relationship or ex-relationship. I had to remind myself as to what I did to contaminate the relationship. Don't forget about you. Deal with you first. Link to comment
asia604 Posted June 2, 2004 Author Share Posted June 2, 2004 I guess it depends on the guy's age and maturity level. My dad is the exact same as what you had described about your dad, too bad I can't say the same about the ex. *sigh* just waiting for the right guy to come along now. Link to comment
asia604 Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 This is for the girls out there, and may or may not pertain to guys, this site helped me out a lot after the first few months of my breakup. I highly recommend it. link removed Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 I just hate it when the jerk guys make us all look really bad. I can understand where some of these girls come from. I just wish I wasn't subject to being hated just because I am a guy and some loser cannot control his horomones or he feels he needs a ton of girls with him. I just find it odd that sometimes the girls get caught up with these characters and some even ADMIT to liking the type of guys that suck (the jerks, the bad boys, the bullies, etc.)....it makes me sick man. Link to comment
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