Divorce & Child support help needed!

[michelle2]

Hi there,

I wonder if anyone can shed some light on a particular problem that a friend of mine is having. I'm pretty sure that the poor chap is being taken for a ride and would be better off seeking legal advice..but wondered if anyone else could confirm or perhaps been in similar situation.

He separated from his wife of sixteen years two years ago, moved out of the family home that they shared with their two children and went abroad to work to lick his wounds more than anything. The house was worth £175.000, which she and the children kept, and she gave him their savings of £30,000. No sooner had he caught his flight that she moved another man in (he only found this out recently, hence not being able to do anything at the time). This house was then sold, for a profit of £60,000 and they moved to a better area and bigger house..her, the new man and the children. My friend receives a good pension from the services (he was in over twenty years) and has always given her this...£100 p/w CASH for the children (of course, he believed her sob story of being a struggling single parent). NOW he has heard that she has sold up again, moving to an even bigger house with the proceeds of two sales, is buying a boat for her boyfriend, new car, foreign holidays etc etc (she also has her own business, doesnt declare the boyfriend as living there, so picks up extra benefits on top, AND still insists on his £100 p/w. My friend is struggling to make ends meet with his fiancee and her children and is starting to resent what she has apparently done and conned him out of. I'm telling him to see a solicitor, but he says the divorce is through and done and theres nothing he can do now. I'm sure that for starters he can stop paying her CASH each week and either send a cheque (for which there would be some record of), reduce her payments to at least half or even go throught he CSA voluntarily (to which payments would be less, legal and also take into account his new family)...I'm also sure that because she lied at the time about the house, that it was given to her as her and the children's home, that because another man moved in, he can at least still claim some of the equity from it. Dont get me wrong, he doesnt want to see the children suffer and never will..but she has been very cold and calculating and hasnt played it fair all round. If she wasnt rubbing his nose in boats, holidays, new cars etc etc with her new man he wouldnt be bothered..but the children are not benefitting. Any one have any advice.

Thanks x

[Ash]

Is there a legal document saying he must pay 100 a week? (Sorry, don't have the pound sign on this keyboard). If not, and it's an agreement between the two of them, then he's within his rights to want to change it as a direct result of her new situation.

 

If there is a legal agreement, then I would think he would have to go back through the courts to get the amount adjusted. That would be costly in the short term, but the long term benefits would be greater.

 

The fact that she owned the house, which I assume was part of the agreement, and made a profit I suspect is beyond his reach. The fact he gave her 30,000 I assume also is part of the agreement. I suspect if he tried to get the weekly amount reduced, she will bring up the 30,000 transfer.

 

I know exactly how he felt when he got divorced. Guilt is a tremendously powerful thing. He wants to provide for his family.

 

The way it works here (in Canada) is largely based on wage ratios. I earned 80% of the household income, so in effect I'm still supposed to contribute that same percentage to my wife and kids. The tax issue is still a bit fuzzy to me, and I'm really not sure how all the details work. But perhaps the same applies to him. If the 100 a week he gives to her is now disproportionate with regard to his income and hers (no matter HOW she gets it) I'd be taking a hard look into that.

 

To relate it back to my case, were my ex wife to get a much better job, the amount of spousal support I'm expected to pay would fall.

 

Suffice it to say, he will have to put up a strong front if he wants to reduced payment, but given the circumstances I suspect he should. I know it's not easy (first hand), I'm probably giving too much too. Guilt, it all comes down to guilt. At least for me, and if it does for him, that can be tricky to deal with.

 

Try not to let him put himself in the poor house, but you will have to gradually build him up to the point of getting him to adjust things.

 

Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you want me to expound on anything.

[monkeyshavestyle]

well in all states you have to prove how much you are making and then one person is making more than the other then the child support can be reduced... even if it is in court.. child support reduction.. as far as the ex wife rubbing it in his face he just needs to get over it and not let it both him cause as long as he shows that he is bothered she is going to continue to do so. Also as for the kids i think they are benifitting in ways that you may not see or hear of.. not that i think what she is doing is right but i in any divorce the assets are suppose to be split down the middle.. or at least he payed off for his house. was there a court agreement that she gave him 30000 for the house? if so then the lawyer didn't fight for him or he was not paying child supprt while they were separated. either way i think that he just has to let it go and get it through the courts that he pays child support and how much she makes and how much he makes.. so that the support can be appropriate.

[Tif007]

AHHHHHH!!!! An all to fimiliar subject for me. I have 2 children from my 1st spouse and when I remarried he immediatley filed paperwork for a reduction in child support becuase of my marriage. EVERY state is different - but because you re-marry does not automatically mean that the new spouses income is considered in the child support agreement between the 2 parties. My situation is a liitle different, I had a pre-nup signed stating that everything that me and my new spouse would aquire would be separate (Louisiana is a community property state). Every little penny counts when it comes to child support - from the lunch money you send them to school with to providing car insurance for your car to drive the kids to where they need to be, and I found this one interesting even gas for a lawnmower!! (to maintain your yard). I found that one out there but the Law says yes, anything that you have to spend to provide for your children will be included in child support.

 

I would DEFIENTLY go through the court system and not give anyone cash. She can come back on day and get mad and say that he has never paid a dime and he will have no proof of it. ALWAYS keep a paper trail! As for her expensive taste, he can ask the court for her to prove where the child support monies are being spent. Sort of like a tally for what she is spending the child support money on. When it comes to child support, so many people have different views - some think that the ex is spending on themselves and not the children, etc..... Some think that if it is not being paid then withhold the kids...... Child support and visitation are 2 totally different things and are looked at differently in the court system (At least here in New Orleans it is).

 

There is never really a solution to the problem, I don't ever think that both parties will be happy - If he gets a reduction she will be mad and if she gets an increase - he'll be mad. The thing to remember is, is that it is the kids who suffer when the parents can't agree on the best intrest of the children in a seperation/divorce, etc.

 

When I was in court, one of the many, many times I've spent there on this issue I heard the Judge tell a couple that, "It is a shame that you are making me make a decision for your child and I don't even know your child. You two should be adult enough to sit down and agree on something. You both might not like what I will decide, but since you are making me make this decision I will have to do what I think is best for your child". Those words are so true, yet I know how hard it is trying to sit down with an ex to discuss the kids, visitation, money, etc.. when at the time you can't stand them.

 

I wish your friend luck and really recommend that your friend either start paying by check or money order or even get her to sign a receipt stating that the cash payment is for child support and document the month, date, etc..... GOOD LUCK!