michelle2

Hi there, I wonder if anyone can shed some light on a particular problem that a friend of mine is having. I'm pretty sure that the poor chap is being taken for a ride and would be better off seeking legal advice..but wondered if anyone else could confirm or perhaps been in similar situation. He separated from his wife of sixteen years two years ago, moved out of the family home that they shared with their two children and went abroad to work to lick his wounds more than anything. The house was worth £175.000, which she and the children kept, and she gave him their savings of £30,000. No sooner had he caught his flight that she moved another man in (he only found this out recently, hence not being able to do anything at the time). This house was then sold, for a profit of £60,000 and they moved to a better area and bigger house..her, the new man and the children. My friend receives a good pension from the services (he was in over twenty years) and has always given her this...£100 p/w CASH for the children (of course, he believed her sob story of being a struggling single parent). NOW he has heard that she has sold up again, moving to an even bigger house with the proceeds of two sales, is buying a boat for her boyfriend, new car, foreign holidays etc etc (she also has her own business, doesnt declare the boyfriend as living there, so picks up extra benefits on top, AND still insists on his £100 p/w. My friend is struggling to make ends meet with his fiancee and her children and is starting to resent what she has apparently done and conned him out of. I'm telling him to see a solicitor, but he says the divorce is through and done and theres nothing he can do now. I'm sure that for starters he can stop paying her CASH each week and either send a cheque (for which there would be some record of), reduce her payments to at least half or even go throught he CSA voluntarily (to which payments would be less, legal and also take into account his new family)...I'm also sure that because she lied at the time about the house, that it was given to her as her and the children's home, that because another man moved in, he can at least still claim some of the equity from it. Dont get me wrong, he doesnt want to see the children suffer and never will..but she has been very cold and calculating and hasnt played it fair all round. If she wasnt rubbing his nose in boats, holidays, new cars etc etc with her new man he wouldnt be bothered..but the children are not benefitting. Any one have any advice. Thanks x

Well......I came here this morning in complete desperation. Thought I'd read some posts and get some answers. It seems that there are a few of us out there with very similar problems regarding step-children, ex-wives and trying to build our 'own lives' based around all this. This is all very new to me and I dont mind admitting that the whole situation is stirring up some very bad feelings in me that I never knew existed before. My chap and I started living together at christmas 2003....the very next day (we had 12 hours of living together as a family unit with my two boys) his ex-wife dumps his two children on him and me and goes on holiday with her new boyfriend!!!!! OK it was stressful, but we muddled along....I felt very left out, hurt and resentful of all the attention he lavished on them (aged 6 & 15) in what should have been 'our time'...I also made it very clear that this was totally unacceptable of her to do that and for him to so easily let her do that. This is mine and my two boys home and she had no right to abuse that. We did this for a week, new years eve (also my chaps birthday) they went home and it was time for us......or so I thought! Phone call from her boyfriend at 8pm....can we get the kids as she has gone to hospital. She was blind drunk and fell over!!!! So we have the kids again, plus another small girl that was staying over for the night with my chaps daughter. Well.we had a huge bust up. I told him that he should have said 'NO'...should have put us first and that if she was stupid enough to get drunk, be irresponsible etc etc then she could deal with it....incidentally, her boyfriend lives with her and kids and could have looked after them. My chap seems to think that the kids are the 'be all and end all' of everything. He is constantly on the phone, seeing them, dishing out money, sorting ex-wifes problems out etc etc and ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!! Yes i feel jealous, yes I feel resentful, and yes its affecting our relationship and mine with his children. I dont want to go out with them anymore, I think they are spoilt, bad mannered and the eldest lad is out of control. Surely us 'second time arounders' are entitled to special time, surely its not going to be like this for ever and ever. They live three minutes down the road and it feels far too close. I want my chap to want to spend time with me, I want to build on our relationship..but it feels like he is still in the old one! I know he is a package deal...just like I am (my two are older and off to uni and college, good lads and motivated, work hard, polite and respectful...who have also said that they dont like his two being around because of their behaviour). What is normal in a situation like this, what is reasonable...I want to be able to sit him down and discuss all this, how I'm feeling and what can be done to make it better...but having never done this before..what is normal for a divorced dad to take on? Should he be available 24 hours a day to see to her and their demands? Is it unreasonable to switch his phone of a couple of evenings a week or for us to have some time together at weekends?..........HELP