How do I break up?

[kamurj]

I have been hanging out with a large group of friends for about a year now. Me and one of the guys in the group ended up becoming very good friends and being very flirtatious. After about 6 months of this he gave me an ultimatum saying either date me or we cannot be friends anymore. Well of course this pissed me off so I tried not talking to him. That didn't work, I drove myself nuts not being able to talk to him. So I decided to try dating him. Everything was great in the beginning. He really is the nicest guy imaginable. He does everything for me. But that's just it. We've been dating for 5 months now and its driving me nuts. I'm not attracted to him at all. He always wants to hang out with me and I can't seem to get a minute alone. When I do have a "girls night" he gets mad that he can't come along. He is just really clingy and really really likes me. My problem is the friends. We still hang out with the same group of friends. From the beginning when I decided to date him, they were all really happy about it but kept saying "whatever you do, don't hurt him". Now I don't know what to do. I know neither of us are willing to stop hanging out with our group of friends just because we break up. And I don't want to make it awkward for us or for our friends because we break up. I wish it could be a mutual break up but it never is. Is there anyway to do this without completely destroying him. Is there anyway to keep the awkwardness to a minimum with our group of friends.

[kamurj]

There is no other way than to just say it with words. Being afraid to look the person in the eye and say "I don't think we can go on meeting one another anymore" is always a tough thing to do.

 

Look at it this way. At some point you have to do it so might as well do it quickly and do it now. The longer you hold out, the worse it will be on the guy.

 

As of your friends, they still will be there for you IF they are your friends. You have to speak for yourself with your own actions and not worry about how others perceive you. As you grow older, these little "clics" will mean nothing to you because it will be your spouse who will be your main "clic".

 

Choose the right guy and treat him right. As a guy myself, try to look at it from his point of view - he's in love with you (and maybe too much too fast). Guys get that way sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that. It may be uncomfortable to you because you are not used to it. But this is part of a relationship/marriage - to have someone always there for you... his qualities are superb for that. You are just more independent and need "space". So communicate that with him FIRST before you decide to end it. Give him a chance and work with it.

 

Never dump someone without tryiing and sharing your ideas/thoughts.

[tina-rocks]

If you really feel this way then you have no choice but to end the relationship as in the long term keeping up a lie will result in more pain for both of you.

 

There are no easy ways to break up with someone but being tactful and explaining the true reasons why are hard but from my point of view are the best way. Leaves no questions left not answered.

 

good luck!

[Steve 7745]

One sentence:

 

"Soooooooo, I've been thinking about getting a sex change..."

 

Then, if he begs and pleads with you, tell him that if he really loved you, he would respect you and stay with you after the operation. There's an excellent chance he won't.

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding. Give me a few moments to read the post more clearly.

 

My (serious) advice to you is as follows. Go ahead and break up with him, but this time do offer him the chance to be friends. I know, I advocate not accepting friendship from exs, but in this case, considering all the mutual friends, it would be for the best.

 

Do NOT starting seeing ANYONE after the break up. Give yourself at least two to three months. The reason for this is because if you do accept a rebound, your friends will think you broke up with your boyfriend for a new guy, which can turn them against you in an instant.

 

Regardless of whatever your soon-to-be ex does, do NOT talk bad about him, do NOT insult or jeer him in front of your friends. If he gets angry and vents to your friends, let him. Too much of this, and your friends will start to close him out rather then put up with his negativity. You can be honest and say that he has not given you any space or time alone.

 

It may sound harsh, but in such a situation, he likely brought it upon himself. Oh, you may be able to cushion your friends from any damage by telling them first. The sooner they know, the sooner they can accept it.

[Butterflygrl]

Did OP "Anonymous" reply to her own post and give herself advice? Am I the only one who caught that?

[Steve 7745]

Did OP "Anonymous" reply to her own post and give herself advice? Am I the only one who caught that?

 

I noticed that too. But there's a significant difference between the first and second post's grammar and typing.

 

Was this board even around in 1978? Or is Anonymous a shared group name for anyone who hasn't registered on this board?

[riley123]

Maybe she got sick of waiting for a reply.

 

Originally posted: 12-10-2001

First reply: 02-27-2002

[Butterflygrl]

Maybe she got sick of waiting for a reply.

 

Originally posted: 12-10-2001

First reply: 02-27-2002

 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Butterflygrl]

I noticed that too. But there's a significant difference between the first and second post's grammar and typing.

 

Was this board even around in 1978? Or is Anonymous a shared group name for anyone who hasn't registered on this board?

 

No, you have to register to post from when i tried to post initially.

Or maybe her ex got on her account and answered.

[riley123]

Whatever the reason, the account is screwed up big-time. The last activity is listed as 12-31-1969.

[Butterflygrl]

I looked up his past post and he/she always signs different names and has different status- Married/ not married/ Sometimes he's a girl sometimes a guy. weird. i don't understand.

[Butterflygrl]

Whatever the reason, the account is screwed up big-time. The last activity is listed as 12-31-1969.

 

Yeah..dang..the beatles were hot then right? lol

[DieTeufelKatze]

LMAO!!

 

What the hell is up with the OP mystery?? And how did this thread get bumped??

[Butterflygrl]

LMAO!!

 

What the hell is up with the OP mystery?? And how did this thread get bumped??

 

lolol. I know this is weird. twilight zone. takes my mind off my dumb ass ex.

[Steve 7745]

Oh my god.

 

It must be a message board ghost... collecting the haunted memories of the dumpees and haunting this board, asking questions, then answering them all on its own. If we don't show this message to someone else in a week, the ghost will kill us, just like in the Ring!

 

We're all going to DIE MAN! It's game over man, game over!

[Karmageddon]

Oh my god.

 

It must be a message board ghost... collecting the haunted memories of the dumpees and haunting this board, asking questions, then answering them all on its own. If we don't show this message to someone else in a week, the ghost will kill us, just like in the Ring!

 

We're all going to DIE MAN! It's game over man, game over!

 

Yes, they are doomed to answer their own questions...over and over and over again!!!

[avman]

The Anonymous account isn't actually linked to a real person. Way, way back on the forum when an account got deleted it switched their posts to "Anonymous". So you can't look back through the Anonymous account to get any kind of story. It's a mishmash of old posts.

[Butterflygrl]

The Anonymous account isn't actually linked to a real person. Way, way back the forum when an account got deleted it switched their posts to "Anonymous". So you can't look back through the Anonymous account to get any kind of story. It's a mishmash of old posts.

 

Well that cleared up everything nicely. lol. Thanks. Much appreciated.