Not so sweet sound of silence? Help!

[nerdycool]

Hi. I'm a very shy person who doesn't really talk that much. I can go for hours without saying anything, and it doesn't bother me. My problem is, whenever my boyfriend and I take trips together, or even going out to eat, there is silence. At first I didn't think anything of it because I knew he realized I don't talk much. But then I found out he get frustrated because of it. He's started pressuring me to talk during road trips, but to be honest, that stresses me out! Then I can't think of anything to talk about because I'm just so upset thinking I'm inadequate. To my knowledge, I don't have any speech problems... I speak fluent English, my hearing's good, no slurring/lisping/etc. either. I think I'm socially undeveloped, that's all. I've talked to him about me not talking a lot and he says he understands... and then he goes and expects me to talk my head off! But I find it difficult to talk to people about everything and anything nonstop. I'm just not like that. So my questions are, is being non-talkative normal? and how do I get over the stress of conversing and talking with ease?

 

Thanks ahead for any replies

[MVP]

The harder you think about speaking or starting a conversation, the more trouble you're gonna have. Just let it naturally and casually come to you.

 

Now, if you can go five hours without saying a word then you need to force yourself to just impulsively say stuff no matter how random or asinine. Usually, on road trips, people sing songs and just make complete assses out of themselves. Don't put undue pressure on yourself to say something profound or grandiose so as to be published in a scientific journal.

 

Just have fun and don't feel inhibited to just go crazy and say anything, because once you start speaking on a steady basis, you'll never stop...just kidding. Actually, your thoughts will start to flow at a cohesive rhythm and you'll know when to broach something and when not to.

[russia]

your bf is too inconsiderate. if he has any brains, he'd be the one finding topics you can talk about. after all, you can't be fluent in english if you never speak!!!

 

of course, you can also be a little proactive and give him some ideas of topics you'd like to talk about. or even just talk about your feelings with him, so he knows what's causing your tongue getting stuck in the back of your throat

 

have you tried karaoke with your bf? it's great cos you're not talking, but you're not quiet anymore. and a private booth's great for extra-curricular activities. (hahaha. i love using big words. they never get censored by the enotalone script) and choosing songs to sing together get you talking. of course, forget it either of you can't sing. then you can carry this sing-a-long attitude on road tapes. get cds and tapes of songs you both love. as you sing, you will naturally overcome your shyness at chatting. singing with your loved one is very intimate.

[deebee]

People always say I am quiet too - I like to think that when I do speak, it is because I have something worthwhile saying! Don't worry about it. I am shy too and have had to learn how to do 'small talk'. It's not that important to me, but for some people it is essential. Hence the conflict with your boyfriend I guess. Remember though that he probably really likes talking with you! Not saying anything can be taken as 'cold/defensive/negative' by others, even if you don't mean anything by it!

 

One bit of advice would be to occasionally try and verbalise your internal dialogue. What I mean is, if you are like me you are constantly 'talking' to your self anyway, so why drop some of these thoughts (selectively, you don't want to appear mad!) into conversations/silences rather than keeping them inside?

 

What are you passionate about? Music, art, books or film? I find it much easier to talk about the things I am interested in and have opinions about than 'just talking for the sake of it'. Others respond to this enthusiasm too and pretty soon you will have had a stimulating conversation without worrying about it! How about just exchanging a few words with shop assistants next time you go out? Nothing heavy required, no expectation of exciting discourse - it's the ideal environment to practise your small talk without pressure!