1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 So this guy I saw on 2 different occasions basically rejected me by not calling when he said he would. After our second evening together, he called me over a couple of days and we briefly talked on the phone. then I took the lead and invited him (cause he had invited me the first 2 times) and he said how about Friday and that he'd call before and he never did. maybe he was a little confused/unsure/didn't want me to fel bad so therefore he acted interested, but HOW do you let someone know you don't want a 3rd date without lying like he did? How do your reject someone "nicely"? keep in mind this is a person I have known for years and that I occasionally see/need to call on a business basis. How would you do it? Boy is it gonna be uncomfortable next time we need to contact each other. Link to comment
Greedy Toad Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 LOL, new thread I'd politely decline the invitation. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 depends on your definition of nice. non-confrontational: "i'm busy... so busy..." super honest nice: "i dont think we should see each other anymore..." Link to comment
Greedy Toad Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 depends on your definition of nice. non-confrontational: "i'm busy... so busy..." super honest nice: "i dont think we should see each other anymore..." LOL, that's nicely? Doesn't it give them hope that soon you won't be busy? Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 LOL, new thread I'd politely decline the invitation. Ha ha LOL no I meant how could HE have rejected me nicely, instead of doing what he did (=not calling when he said he would)??? Not how can *I* now reject him (which I probably will do but I don't think the opportunity will present itself). Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 "non-confrontational: "i'm busy... so busy..."" Got it, Pinkelephant. he said this both times he called. He was trying to let me know he didn't wish to see me again. lesson learned! Link to comment
Ammy Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 I usually use the busy excuse as awful as that sounds... I just hate being direct... If it's pushed however I simply say, I don't think it would work out. I feel bad, because I don't think taking the indirect approach is kinder, but it is easier and less confrontational. I also know that I prefer the slow disappearing act to the direct "I don't want to see you" thing... Ammy Link to comment
Greedy Toad Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Ha ha LOL no I meant how could HE have rejected me nicely, instead of doing what he did (=not calling when he said he would)??? Not how can *I* now reject him (which I probably will do but I don't think the opportunity will present itself). Ooooooooooooooooh, duh to me!! Hmmmm, it can be hard letting someone know that maybe you don't want to take things further. I would probably say, in your case, probably best we just kept our relationship professional. I had a really nice time with you, but didn't feel the click. Something like that I suppose. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 LOL, that's nicely? Doesn't it give them hope that soon you won't be busy? after the 10th i'm busy... they tend to get the message. lol > Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 LOL, that's nicely? Doesn't it give them hope that soon you won't be busy? Haha it did for me! Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 after the 10th i'm busy... they tend to get the message. lol > counting.... he must have said it over ten times LOL. oh well life goes on. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 counting.... he must have said it over ten times LOL. oh well life goes on. aw, it sucks... but you know, it's great for both parties. you could say that you were just hanging out but then he was just busy. there's no real rejection. i don't know. i prefer this method and been on both sides. Link to comment
Cminor7th Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 There is no "nice" way around it, just be upfront, and tell him what you think rather than do the "I'm busy" routine. Be an adult, confront situation, no need for subterfuge.... Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 There is no "nice" way around it, just be upfront, and tell him what you think rather than do the "I'm busy" routine. Be an adult, confront situation, no need for subterfuge.... No, *HE* did the "I'm busy" number and I'm curious as to how you guys feel about that approach. Unfortunatelly I wasn't too good at reading between the lines and he ended up saying he'd call and he didn't (and THAT still bothers me, THAT I woudn't do. But the "I'm really busy" line I can understand). and I felt insulted and rejected. I should have read between the lines. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 If I'd only seen someone twice and they didn't get back, I'd just chalk it up to experience and let it go. In my experience it would take a lot more than two dates to get attached to someone to the point that 'rejection' would be needed. OP, it sounds as though you had hopes for you and this guy, in which case there just ISN'T a nice way of being rejected. Just let it go and keep your dignity if you do happen to see him again. I recently had an experience where I'd got to know a guy online, all easy-going fun stuff, we met up. Again, from my perspective, easy-going fun stuff - but he got back to me with 'Unfortunately there are insurmountable obstacles to a long-term romantic relationship at this time' - but asked me to keep on emailing because 'they always make me smile'. I was so embarrassed that he'd have thought that one meet would have had me expecting a LTR that I never got back to him in any way, shape or form!! Link to comment
Cminor7th Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 No, *HE* did the "I'm busy" number and I'm curious as to how you guys feel about that approach. Unfortunatelly I wasn't too good at reading between the lines and he ended up saying he'd call and he didn't (and THAT still bothers me, THAT I woudn't do. But the "I'm really busy" line I can understand). and I felt insulted and rejected. I should have read between the lines. Then you are better off without that bag of sediment, I know it is unpleasant, but when it comes to dating, nothing matters until it becomes physical. Once things become physical, you may have a chance to start something consistent.... Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 NBH: when people have issues with rejection they pop up inside them regardless of how many dates were had... I didn't have hopes for us, I know it is too early. But I always approach dates with the goal of a LTR in the back of my mind, cause that is what I want. but I didn't act like I expected a lot, I was going with the flow, just talking, enjoying the moment. I would never tell him the stuff you "ex-date" said, it sounds too intense... Cminor7th : One reason I refrained form any physical stuff is to take it slow and not mix things up. also to keep it clear that I'm not interested in any casual sex thing. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 when people have issues with rejection they pop up inside them regardless of how many dates were had... And, for the same reason, there won't be a way of rejecting 'nicely'. I'm guessing that if you're aware of these issues, you're starting to deal with them; if you can, it will save you from a lot of pain/insult/humiliation - however you care to label it - in the future. Remember, the way people act is a reflection of the way THEY are, not the way you are. Link to comment
gee Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 I usually use the busy excuse as awful as that sounds... I just hate being direct... If it's pushed however I simply say, I don't think it would work out. I feel bad, because I don't think taking the indirect approach is kinder, but it is easier and less confrontational. I also know that I prefer the slow disappearing act to the direct "I don't want to see you" thing... Ammy ugh. How about.."I'm busy, but I still want to get together, too." Is that being rejected nicely? I've been patient with this girl I'm interested in. She seems interested at times, but it feels like she isn't. It's frustrating! This is the 2nd time she does this to me. She said, next weekend? I'm giving her one last shot after that I am DONE! Link to comment
Cminor7th Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Cminor7th : One reason I refrained form any physical stuff is to take it slow and not mix things up. also to keep it clear that I'm not interested in any casual sex thing. Oh, I didn't mean "Home Runs" 1MC, but I meant kissing and whatnot. If there isn't a kiss after a date or two, then the attraction isn't there, open and shut case....Dr. Stephen Hawking also approves of this theory. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 Oh, I didn't mean "Home Runs" 1MC, but I meant kissing and whatnot. If there isn't a kiss after a date or two, then the attraction isn't there, open and shut case....Dr. Stephen Hawking also approves of this theory. no no no no!!!! I completelly disagree on this. there was definitelly attraction there. He went to kiss me after the 1rst evening, I stopped it, kind of swirved away and made a joke, but he could tell (I think) that I was attracted. I wasn't ready for a kiss after only talking for 3 hours. the second time we saw each other no one tried to kiss the other. but I felt veryu attracted to him. oh well Link to comment
Greedy Toad Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 He went to kiss me after the 1rst evening, I stopped it, kind of swirved away and made a joke, but he could tell (I think) that I was attracted. Ohhhh nooooooooooooooo, that changes everything!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 Ohhhh nooooooooooooooo, that changes everything!!!!!!!!!! But I already posted about this a week ago and people said to make it clear I was interested and so I did after the second dtae to which he invitred me I called and said I really enjoyed my evening and that i looked forward to doing it again..... otrher people said if you aren't ready to kiss him listen to that, he'll wait ... jus get to know each other... this is WAYYYY too complicated... 2 adults should be willing to take risks... if he isn't, then he isn't meant to be. I think it was perfectly reasonalble of me to not want to kiss hm after a 3 hour conversation,,..... Link to comment
Greedy Toad Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 But I already posted about this a week ago and people said to make it clear I was interested and so I did after the second dtae to which he invitred me I called and said I really enjoyed my evening and that i looked forward to doing it again..... otrher people said if you aren't ready to kiss him listen to that, he'll wait ... jus get to know each other... this is WAYYYY too complicated... 2 adults should be willing to take risks... if he isn't, then he isn't meant to be. I think it was perfectly reasonalble of me to not want to kiss hm after a 3 hour conversation,,..... A kiss!! Even a small one to show that you aren't rejecting him. Surely after three hours you kow if you would like to give someone a kiss. Imagine the role was reversed, and you went to kiss him and he shied away and made a joke or something. You would take that as rejection. And yes, take your own words...TAKE A RISK!!!! A kiss is but a kiss yadadada....awwwww. it does change the complexion of my answers before as i didn't read you post last week. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted November 7, 2009 Author Share Posted November 7, 2009 A kiss!! Even a small one to show that you aren't rejecting him. Surely after three hours you kow if you would like to give someone a kiss. Imagine the role was reversed, and you went to kiss him and he shied away and made a joke or something. You would take that as rejection. And yes, take your own words...TAKE A RISK!!!! A kiss is but a kiss yadadada....awwwww. it does change the complexion of my answers before as i didn't read you post last week. I guess I'm screwed Link to comment
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