Should I contact him now that it's been 3 months?

[TwiLight172]

Ok, Here's my story. My exboyfriend and I broke up three months ago and we have had no contact since then. He broke up with me because he felt like he just didn't want a relationship AND because he cheated on me (A one night stand while drunk). The last time we had contact (which was 2 weeks after our break up) HE emailed me telling me how lonely he was and how he was never going to love anyone the way he lovES me. He also said that he wasn't trying to erase me from his life but then he also said "I just can't be with you now". I responded back not saying much, just telling him how i was glad he was doing good and that I thought about him too. That was it. About a month later after not receiving any response from him (even though my email didn't require any response) I closed down that ccount because it was huring me everytime I d check it and find nothing. Although I'm better now, stronger, and know that it's possible to live without him, I still miss him and love him. I do wish we could someday be together again or even if it is just as friends (but right now that's not what i want him to be) So basically, I'm wondering if I should contact him, through email or just text him, to see how he's doing and to see if he says anything about "us'. Is this wrong of me to do? Should I just let it go? If it's okay 2 email him what should the nature of the email be? Please offer me adivce as I Don't know if this is something I should do or not. He was my First EVERYTHING and we were together for 3 years. Will this set me back in my recovery? I dont know what to do!

[lilazngal]

If you are ok, then forget about him, he should be the one to contact you, considering he did cheat on you, you've already tried to contact you and he has not responded. If he really does love you, he'll come back on his own terms. You should move on, meet other guys and stay focused on your own life, enjoy it while you can! No need to wonder if he'll ever respond, etc, etc---he's not worth it!

[LostInTranslation]

TwiLight172,

 

What I would give to be in your shoes to have made it through three months of no contact. This is just my opinion, but it sounds like you are not over him. If you feel this sudden urge to contact him after all this time, you may have other motives that are hidden to yourself. I know it may be hard for you since he was your first everything, but you may end up hurting yourself more in the long run and may have to start all over again with no contact.

 

If you've made it this far, I suggest to keep going without him. He should definitely be the one contacting you and seeing how you are doing considering he cheated on you - not the other way around. For you to even think about contacting him just tells me that you are a forgiving and caring person. And that is the type of person that someone who has cheated on you doesn't deserve. Besides, if he hasn't tried contacting you by now, he may be completely over you and doesn't care about how you are doing. You could be setting yourself up for more hurt.

 

But whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best. I know how you are feeling right now.

[healing]

I think that you should do what feels right for you.

IMO he would have called by now if he cared about your feelings.

I think you need more time, more 'no contact' so that you heal more, and are stronger.

The right guy is out there...and he will NOT cheat on you!

[TwiLight172]

Ok, now this is strange because the day after my post he emailed me! I didn't check it until sunday so I replied to this..this is what he said "I'm so sorry Karly, I hear your name over and over in my head and it won't stop. I loved you so much" and I wrote back saying that I think about him too and that he should call me sometime. He wrote back saying this

 

"I dont think I can talk to you just yet. I'm trying to move on, and I dont want it to seem like im just erasing you from my life. i dont want you to hate me for not calling you or anything, it's hard to get over. I want to be a different person the next time I talk to you; like where i'm not still living at home and working at old navy. I'm not over you yet, still think about you a lot, so I can't talk to you until we've both moved on, and the feelings aren't still so fresh, ya know what i mean? If I talked to you now I wouldn't be able to talk because I'd be crying uncontrollably."

 

SO I'm like very confused. From his email I get the sense that he's telling me he wants to be friends but then again he keeps saying contradictory things...why would he want to be a different person when he talks to me again? Why is he emailing me if he wants to forget about me? What does he care if I think he is or isn't trying to erase me from his life? Why would he want to talk to me again once "we've both moved on"? Now that makes no sense to me. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND! Please, give me your opinions on this

[Stingseed]

Now I must tell you that I have seen this same tatic in another break up with a frined of mine trying to get his ex back. And it worked to perfection. Basically my friend dropped the same lines to his ex she felt that she had to push a little for him to start talking again now his plan was workring to perfection. He was concerned that she would not take him back so this led him to use this tactic( basically it get the ex thinking that they should start chasing again thereforeeee opening up and leave yourself unguarded )the ex then opened up and left her basically accpting his demands in the end and yes they got back together only for my friend to dump her again.

 

Now I must say to go ahead to call him and see if he picks up and talks to you see what he has to say let him bring up the relationship. Dont fall into the trap of you calling more than him. But by all means if you feel you are ready give him a nudge. Just alsways keep your guard up

[Scout]

I don't think she should call him. He cheated on her, and that's the unforgiveable sin, in my book. And if he is playing that tactic, all the more reason to let him do the work if she really wants him back...it's his responsibility to make the efforts, here, not her's.

[TwiLight172]

Thanks. I defintely don't think I should call him...I emailed him back after his last email and i think that's enough. He said he didn't want to talk to me yet so I think calling him would be a no, no. Besides, i DO want him to fight for me...he did CHEAT on me so why should i chase after him? He knows how i feel (that i still love him). Grr...i just wish I knew what is going on inside that head. And i know that if he does happen to email me again it wont be for at LEAST another 3 months. Nice.

[Hunney Pooh]

Dear TwiLight172,

 

Let me ask you a question. Can you really forget about him cheated on you even you guys get back together one day? I know you can forgive but can you forget? I guess it's not easy as I've been through this situation before. It's a damn hard thing to try to build the trust again once it is broken.

 

Take time to consider about it, give the answer to yourself. Try not to keep in touch with him before you have the answer. He should be the one to mend back the relationship and not you since he did something wrong.

Do you think he still deserve you to love him when he, himself does not take the action to get you back but instead keep on confusing you? Try to act cool towards him for the time being and you can always take time to think how you want to reply in case he sends you email. Just let him wait a few days or even a week for your reply. All the best to you and take care!!!

[Stingseed]

TWILIGHT

 

I must tell you that you should not try to figure what in his head. I myself tried to figure whats in my ex head. The answer is you can never figure out what in there head the fact is he misses you, and its up to him to mend to relationship like mentioned before. I were you do what I did figure what's in your head. Would you really like to have him back or are you lying to yourself? Long at it long term is what you want for correct and one more thing to remember if you do get back would the fact that your ex cheated on you bother you and open wounds again? I suggest really work on yourself to forgive, but to forget is harder. I know this is not the answer that you looked for but it is something you must face. I for example have forgiven but even though I dont bring it up when we do talk I still have not forgotten, and it seems like she is really coming around now but I find it harder to forget.

[TwiLight172]

Unfortunately I believe he only does want to be friends so as of now alli can do is pray that he suddenly clears his head and figures out that I am all he wants. I believe that if we were to get back together again I would be ok with the whole cheating situation just because we've been apart for months now without speaking. I think time heals wounds and so i've had my time to just let it go. I think that we could work through it only with his promise that he'd never do it again (3 months ago he couldn't promise me that and so the breakup). I feel so strongly that he's the one for me and it's a shame that he might now. I do not know what IS in his head i mean how can you love a person and not want to be with them? i mean he's IN love with me yet he chooses to move on forward? WHY? And to top it all off I saw him IN THE FLESH the other day. We smiled and said hi to each other. He didn't come up to me and ask me how I've been or anything...instead after he left the restaurant he texted me. Amongst all the texts he said he wish we would have talked and that it's ok we didn't say anything because "we'll see each other again". I feel like after his email and me seeing him I'm somewhere between square one and where i was before this contact stuff began. I'm so sad and wish there was something i could do to want to get back with me again. I am doing NOTHING to get us back because after all, he did ME wrong. It feels good though that he's the one who's contacted me first in every situation. I think it's guilt though.

[saraki]

He is f*(ng with you. People who love each other want to be together. That is all there is to it. Think of how you feel right now - would you dodge him the way he is you? He needed an ego boost - that is why he contacted you. If he was desperate for your love - he WOULD fight for you. This person does NOT love you. People are very basic in that way (there are complexities within the basics) - but the truth is that when we pine for someone and they are receptive - nothing can keep us apart. He is a feeble minded arse for messing with your head this way. I am telling you - and I know that I'm right - you must end all contact and begin the process of really, really getting over it. It is hard as hell - but this is what you must do. If 3 months didn't do it - you must shoot for 6 months. 6 months of NO CONTACT - after 6 months, you will come to a clearing in the forest and wonder, "what the hell was that all about?" He won't respect you for taking him back after he cheated on you anyway. Love yourself...love yourself...love yourself.... Look in the mirror and tell yourself "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE HIM AND I AM NOT GOING TO LET HIM HURT YOU AGAIN." Do this excercize. It feels dorky at first - but do it again and again and I promise it will help....

 

You deserve someone that will fight for you full out. You deserve everything you want and you have to dig your heels in and respect yourself.