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Fallen for a friend - what do I do?


speener
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I have started developing feelings for a friend of mine that I have known for 7 years now. When I first met her she was coming out of a relationship that had lasted awhile, and told her how I felt back, but she wasn't ready at that point. We have since become the best of friends, both of us dating others on and off, but over the past year we have been spending significant time together, to the point where others jokingly refer to her as "the wife". The feelings that I had in the beginning, have resurfaced, only stronger now. I don't know how she feels, there have been no romantic "slip-ups" and am afraid to risk our friendship if she doesn't feel the same way - I enjoy our friendship and don't want to do anything to damage it. On the flip side, I feel that I'm being dishonest with her by not sharing how I feel.

 

What do I do? How do I approach telling her?

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That's tough water to tread. My advice is the same as always: Direct communication while giving yourself an out. Ask her how she feels about you, but reassure her that if she doesn't want a deeper relationship you'll back off. This shouldn't drive a wedge between you.

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I totally feel for you, I have gone through some of the same things. Here is what I would do in your shoes: leverage your friendship. As her friend, you know a lot about her, and you know what kind of person she is, and you are around her a lot. These are HUGE advantages! So here's how I'd approach it. When she's gonna come over, try to dress a little nicer than you normally do. Maybe shave or wear some cologne. Make a point of giving her "friendship" gifts whenever you can. But be discrete, start slow. Act like you're being friendly not flirty. Try to find excuses to be just slightly more affectionate than you are normally. Try to touch her once in a while, friendly pats on the shoulder, playful shoves, untie her shoe laces while she's not looking, etc. and slowly make them a little more than just friendly. Woman will TOTALLY pick up on hints like this. If she shares your feelings she will return the flirts, and this interaction will cause it to accellerate. As you each push it a little farther with each contact, you will eventually get to the point that you both realize you're more than just friends. Just let it come as naturally as possible. Good luck!

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