Weird few nights--Finally going NC I guess

[Hugwolf]

I had a weird last few nights with the ex. I think the balance of power has shifted a little for the first time since our breakup a month ago.

 

We went to see a live set dance show on Saturday, but she drank way too much before the main act and I ended up taking care of her while she puked out the side of my car for more than an hour. I was hammered too so we just slept in the car for a while until I could drive her home. When I got her home she invited me to stay there and sleep in her bed with her. No sex or anything, but she did tell me later how nice it was to sleep with me again. She also later said several times how much it meant to her that I took care of her while sick.

 

The next day we went to dinner and talked about the relationship the entire time. We were just sharing thoughts we had not shared previously. When I was dropping her off at home I told her how hard it was for me to be friends and that I had planned to go NC after the concert because I couldn’t handle it anymore. She totally broke down crying telling me how afraid she was to lose me.

 

This morning I was bombarded with texts saying how heartbroken she’s been since I told her I wanted NC and that she can’t stop crying. But she STILL continues to push that she just wants my friendship, even after all this. She even said she wants to go out for fun one last time with me before I go NC…

It seems like for the first time she’s facing losing me. It seems manipulative, but it seems now would be the best time to drop off the face of the earth. She’s been seeing another guy in an LDR since our breakup too, which has made my desire to go NC much stronger.

 

Anyone had anything like this happen?

[Zerohero]

Dont be fooled by females crying. My ex ex did that to me as well. We are not together...

 

I wish you good luck though, but NC is your best bet. If she REALLY wanted you, and was crying every nite etc, she would not let another day go buy without you next to her. Would you?

[LillyLooWho]

I wish I knew what to tell you. Both NC and LC have pros and cons. If being friends will be too hard for you (and it is for most people), it might be better to give yourself some space away from her to get your bearings. On the other hand, she does seem like she realizes that she still has feelings for you. I would go out with her the one last time and see if she is willing to try again but if not, then, like Zero says, if she really wanted you she wouldn't let another day go by without you. Wish you luck

[Hugwolf]

Thanks for the advice Zero, and Lilly. I went to her house last night to talk more about everything. She cried more and feels terrible, but still said she's happier moving on.

 

I almost feel bad at this point, because me telling her exactly how I've felt in the last month has made her feel really bad--worse than she's felt since the breakup by far. I said I thought it was the right thing to do, to hide my strong feelings from her. She agreed that knowing how much I still care for her and how afraid I am to lose her is making her question her decision a lot. She even sent me a text last night that she almost asked me to come to bed with her again. I told her this morning how crappy my sleep was because I kept having drams about her that would wake me up leaving me feeling lonely. I guess is seems pathetic to share these types of things with her but she doesn't seem to react to such comments that way. It's more like she agrees and says she feels similar.

 

Is it wrong to be doing this to her, to be opening up so much? I realized that she probably expected me to be cold and emotionless after the breakup because I was pretty much like that just before we broke up too. Sometimes I think I never expressed my feelings enough around her.

[LillyLooWho]

Well if you were less expressive during your relaitonship, being more expressive now might help. I believe in telling people how you feel. It can be risky and make you feel vulnerable but it cuts through the crap and puts the truth on the table. I think you are doing the right thing by telling her how you feel.

[blossom88]

It sounds like even though she says that she wants to move on she may not really be sure. In the end you will have to find what is most comfortable for you. Do you want to be together as a friends? is it wearing you down?