my story

[SprinklerHead]

Hi everyone. I am new to the site so I figured I would explain why I am here. Well, I was dumped. Dumped hard and brutally and I never saw it coming. I have been married to this woman since last October, and before then we had been living together for 7 years. I loved her very much, and I still do. I stuck with her through thick and thin. But she wants to see other people.

 

It all started when she started playing this online game. This game is mainly played by guys, and a woman on this game is like a mystery wrapped inside an enigma. Needless to say, she was getting lots of attention. At first I thought it was fun. I actually saw some of the guys sweet talking her through the game's chat system. I thought it was funny, but I came to find out later that she didn't. She thought it was incredible.

 

After a while, I noticed that she wasn't coming to bed. She would stay up late playing. I really thought this was cool, how often do you get a girl gamer? But then I started to worry. One night, I walked in and found she was typing a long email to one of the guys in the game. She immediately closed the window up before I could read what it said. She had a look on her face like I had just walked in with her sleeping with another guy. At that point, things went south.

 

I asked her what was up? She said she was unhappy with life in general, with her job, with her home life, and with us. She said the only time she was happy was when she was playing the game. This was a total shock to me. I never saw this coming. She said that there was no passion between us anymore, and she was unsure what she wanted. Then she dropped the bomb - she said she thought she wanted to see other people. And we just got married in October!

 

I wanted to work it out of course. I tried. But I caught her again and again chatting with these guys. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I left the house and moved in with my parents temporarily. Never heard from my wife though. When I would go over there to see her, she would always be typing merrily away with this guy in Europe, happy as can be. But when I would start a conversation with her, she acted like she was getting a root canal. She didn't want to talk about it. It was like she made up her mind that we were done.

 

This was a total shock to me, our family, our friends, everyone. How can a person just drop everything so quickly? She never told me that there was a problem. Of course, she acted grumpy sometimes - but show me a girl that doesn't? When she was grumpy, I asked what was wrong and it would always be something like "I hate work" or something other that us. Even her girlfriends were shocked - everyone thought we were perfect and so did I.

 

Well, we had a walk and talk the other night. She basically said that she needed to do some "soul searching" and see some new people. She said that she did miss me, but I can't help but wonder if she really does mean that because she was in a hurry to end the talk. She says that this French guy she is chatting with has everything - he is nice, romatic, bla bla on down the line. I know she has heard his voice, but I don't think she has even seen the guy.

 

Since then, I have been a busy bee trying to get property agreed on, bills and debts split up, you know - divorcing. I pretty much decided on divorce, because she keeps giving me the "I don't know what I want" line appended with "I think I want to see other people". She basically won't decide, meanwhile I am lying in our bed while she is online burning the midnight oil with Jean-Luke. Sigh.

 

The problem I think is that neither of us had much dating experience - especially her. I had one 5 year relationship before my wife, and she only had a very brief fling. Another problem is her self-esteem. She has it in her head that she is fat, and she is a little chunky. Actually, she used to be very heavy, but in the past 2 years she has shrunk down a lot and is looking good (which is both good and bad I think).

 

As far as experience though, how much experience do you really need before you know you have "the one"? Do I need to date five girls? Fifty? All my friends are saying "play the field". But I am having the toughest time finding anyone, plus I am still in love with my wife. I hate the singles scene and my attempts at online dating result in me having typing cramps and getting no replies.

 

So in a nutshell, my life has been turned upside down and I am venting with this post. I really don't know what to ask you people, but feel free to comment please.

[Hopingpraying]

All I can say is that I relate. My wife left me for different reasons but the stories sound so similiar. We were young I was her first real boyfriend and only sexual experience. The crappy thing is we were married long enough to have a daughter. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter to death and would not give her up for anything, the crappy part is it has made the divorce all that more difficult. Not to mention my ex will be in my life forever.

I still love her and want to work things out, she just has no desire too. I wish there was something I could say to help you out, but no one has been able to say anything to me that would take the pain I felt away. Time has been about it. Trying to take each day at a time has helped too.

 

Good luck man. You will be okay, it just takes time.

[solstice48]

I thought I'd jump in to let you guys know your part of what seems like a growing group of men whose women feel that they need to find themselves & take off to do it without any regard to what a marriage is all about. I was married for 25 years & my ex just decided she didn't want to be married any longer. Of course I got the old "I love you but I"m not in love with you" line & also "we can still be friends", yeah right is this high school or what? I don't know what's going on that makes so many feel as though that the commitment they made was just words they uttered at one time. Anyway, from out of the blue & down the road four months later I'm divorced & still feeling the pain & grief left by a person I really thought I knew. Lately I've found my emotions go from love to true anger towards a woman that I shared most of my life with, & how someone can just wake up one day & say they no longer love you is beyond me. I worked through my ex having an affair at one point in our marriage & looking back I suppose I should have realized the person that was really there. Unfortuanely the years went by & now I find myself out in the singles field again & not really enjoying it. I try to remind myself about two things, what a man can do, & what a man can't do. I can't get my ex back ( & I probably wouldn't want that even if it was possible), but I can move on & try to rebuild my life. I hope you guys can do the same.

[lisaria]

Wow guys! I'm sorry the three of you have been hurt like you were. This is a good place to get through it. Lots going through the same and will read whatever you need to say and you never know, you just might help someone with your stories. Quite a few have helped me.

You guys seem to know that you will get through it and that's a major step in the right direction. It's going to be tough going for a while, but we'll help as much as we can.

I don't understand how people can hurt other people and go on like nothing ever happened leaving behind their supposed loved one trying to carry on with their lives in a mist of pain and heartache. And that is what it's like the first month or so, like you are looking at things through a cold, heartbroken mist full of the ghost of the ex in every place and every song and every thought. You take it a minute at a time and do whatever you have to do to get through it. Some days just pass by and you don't even know how you survived them. For someone to do that to someone they want to be with "forever" just blows my mind. I guess their idea of commitment and my idea of it are two different things.

I want you guys to know that not all women are like that. Some of us do love honestly and forever. It just never seems like we meet up with the guys who do it at the same time.

We are here for you.

Lisa