Being dishonest?

[useruser]

Will guys be involved in a relationship with a new partner as a payback to their ex for whatever reason but secretly hoping to get back with the ex?

 

(No need to explain my situation here. I want to learn from your experiences).

[Jd1983]

There are certain case scenarios that this may happen, although highly unlikely. It could just be the fact that the ex wants a rebound and doesn't like to be alone.

[useruser]

There are certain case scenarios that this may happen, although highly unlikely. It could just be the fact that the ex wants a rebound and doesn't like to be alone.

 

That's right, what if he knew he had a chance to get back with the ex who deflamed his ego a little, and still wanted to be with the other person but later expressed he was not serious with her (the new girl)?

 

Any guys out there who do this as a payback?

[DontGetStung]

I did this, but not as payback. I was just hurt by my ex breaking it off, well, a "break". I was hurt and I jumped into something with someone else a couple weeks later, though it turned out we were much better for each other.

 

This girl also lived in the same apt. building as my ex and I can't say that I didn't derive any pleasure when my ex called me irate wanting to know what was going on. It was not however, done to make my ex jealous in any way, that being a natural side effect was just icing on the cake for me, though now I've made my peace with her.

 

Get over yourself.

[useruser]

I did this, but not as payback. I was just hurt by my ex breaking it off, well, a "break". I was hurt and I jumped into something with someone else a couple weeks later.

 

This girl also lived in the same apt. building as my ex and I can't say that I didn't derive any pleasure when my ex called me irate wanting to know what was going on.

 

Don'tGetStrung, please tell me more. Your experience sounds similar to some extent.

 

My guy jumped into something with someone else during our break. I think he thought it would be a permanent break.

 

Were you hoping to get her back later? Did you fall in love with the new person?

[Jd1983]

That's right, what if he knew he had a chance to get back with the ex who deflamed his ego a little, and still wanted to be with the other person but later expressed he was not serious with her (the new girl)?

 

Any guys out there who do this as a payback?

 

Ok, I read your previous threads.

 

It seems to me as though you want to be with him, but you have too much pride to let go. If you truly want to be with him, then your best bet is to let him know. If you let too much time pass, things will not work in your favor. Surely when you tell him, A) He can choose to be with you. B) He can choose to continue to be with his gf. You're not entirely doing anything wrong, but voicing your feelings. The ball is pretty much in his court from that point forward. It's actually a lot easier than you think. Stop prolonging everything and just let go of your pride (I know it's hard sometimes, but you have to if this is what you want). Otherwise you'll be back in square one asking the same questions in your threads. Honestly, what have you got to lose?

 

"It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose someone you love with your pride".

[DontGetStung]

I was more or less just looking for any kind of hook up just to prove to myself that someone would still want me. As it turned out, my friend of about a year had always had a crush on me. I had always sensed something between us but we were both in relationships, and she was still in one when we got together(whole other can of worms).

 

To answer your questions, I was hoping to get her back and then I realized how perfect of a match me and the other girl were. Yes I did fall in love with her and this is the first time I've actually used those words, but it is true. I've had almost two handfuls of women since we were together and I still think of her all the time, and every girl I meet is measured against her. We can't really even keep in contact much because it's too much of an emotional strain for both of us.

 

As Jd said, you better hurry up, it did not take me long to become deeply involved with someone else.

 

Also, what were your reasons for initiating the break and how did the conversation go?

[useruser]

So very true! It's also fear and uncertainty as well, but I'm going to push through these negative emotions and be clear with him about what has been on my mind.

 

What I want to understand as well is, will guys eventually acquiesce to what they perceive their ex wants (breaking up forever) even though they have strong feelings for her?

[Jd1983]

So very true! It's also fear and uncertainty as well, but I'm going to push through these negative emotions and be clear with him about what has been on my mind.

 

What I want to understand as well is, will guys eventually acquiesce to what they perceive their ex wants (breaking up forever) even though they have strong feelings for her?

 

If you are expressing your feelings to him, and he is still reluctant on getting back (because he thinks that's what you want) then he's a fool and it's his loss. I highly doubt this will be the case though, because if he sees that you are being honest with your feeling, I'm sure he will do the same. Stop worrying so much, and just do it! Good luck.

[useruser]

I better get a move on Before I was waiting for signals from him, but I think he was hurt by me first so I should be the one making the first move now.

 

My reason for initiating the break was because I wanted some space. It was pretty simple. We have had lots of conversations about us but somehow keep coming back to the same questions, so I can't really give you a definite reply to this one yet.

 

When you were falling in love with your friend, if your ex wanted you back, would you have decided to remain with your friend or try to continue what you had with your ex?

[useruser]

I would love to hear from you again even if it's for the very last time

[DontGetStung]

Well I think that my situation was a bit unique, because we were already good friends. We were just a perfect fit, so I ended up getting over my ex extremely quickly just because I felt more connected to this girl than I ever did to my ex or anyone since. So to answer your question, no, I wouldn't have gotten back with her. If it had just been a random hookup then I would most certainly have taken my ex back.

 

Just act fast, like...today. I don't know what they're like together, but, the longer hes with her, the stronger the bond will become.

[Ms Darcy]

That's a pretty big misunderstanding: you say break, he hears break up.

 

I think you telling him that you are sorry for the misunderstanding, that you wanted some space and not more than that, and that you are willing to re-enter the relationship if this new information leads him to end it with his current gf. You should also mention how it would be better - or how you would hope for it to be better. He may very likely be getting things from this new relationship that he didn't get from you (like someone who doesn't need breaks for example). Whatever you say, say it and back off. Respect that he is in fact in a relationship right now and emphasize that you are bringing it up due to your perception that there was a misunderstanding.

[useruser]

Well I think that my situation was a bit unique, because we were already good friends. We were just a perfect fit, so I ended up getting over my ex extremely quickly just because I felt more connected to this girl than I ever did to my ex or anyone since. So to answer your question, no, I wouldn't have gotten back with her. If it had just been a random hookup then I would most certainly have taken my ex back.

 

Just act fast, like...today. I don't know what they're like together, but, the longer hes with her, the stronger the bond will become.

 

Thank you for your thoughtful advice

 

Your experience is quite similar to the one of the guy I have been talking about. He is with someone who was a good friend of his.

 

Thanks for building up my courage on here everyone. I will listen to what you have told me.

 

Good luck to everyone as well

[tattoobunnie]

From another thread of yours...If you want to base things off of assumptions, go for it...you won't know the truth of the matter. Honestly, I would not want someone back who cannot communicate their wants, needs, or desires. It makes the relationship frustrating and unfulfilling.

 

If you hurt him...fix it. If you want him to come back to a situation where you're cards still are not on the table, he has NO REASON to EVER COME BACK. If you want him to be vague, be vague yourself. I take it you're afraid of rejection, hence you becoming distant, and you waiting on him to show a sign. Relationships aren't that easy, where everything comes on your own terms, and your own time.

 

Do something about it. Regardless if another woman is on the front. If you want him, go get him. All he can say is no, let me think about it, or yes.

[tattoobunnie]

I am also assuming you are vague in many other relationships (friendships, etc.)...considering you are vague in your own threads. Giving only enough information, but never the whole story. Keep in mind, we can give you all the opinions in the world, but don't use waiting on our answers as a crutch to avoid what you need to do. And that is...open up.

[useruser]

I am also assuming you are vague in many other relationships (friendships, etc.)...considering you are vague in your own threads. Giving only enough information, but never the whole story. Keep in mind, we can give you all the opinions in the world, but don't use waiting on our answers as a crutch to avoid what you need to do. And that is...open up.

 

I need to let my intentions be more clear and open to this guy

 

However the reasons why I have not given too much information is because I was at first only seeking to learn from other people's experiences even remotely related to what I was initially asking, and IF the guy I have been referring to DOES come to these forums, I don't want him to pick up who I could be.

 

I also wanted to avoid the situation where I wrote too much in one post with no-one replying to my post. I have seen some people who have started threads on here with very long stories in their first post but with one person replying to them. I figured I should first see how the responses went