The dreaded "back together" talk

[JewelsInTx]

I have posted before, but I'll give a quick background. Together for 4 years and that included living together for 3 of those 4. Easy relationship because we made a point to not fight, but then life got a bit stressful and complicated along with him having GIGS lead us to having a very rocky last year. Finally he walked, but I had knew it was coming for a while. We were mainly NC and had some LC but very rarely for the last 8 months.

 

Mid August he contacted me to tell me of some tragic news in his family. We hung out one night, and I didn't hear from him until 2 weeks ago. Since then we have gone out 4 times and text message each other every day. We haven't really communicated on the phone because he works nights and I have a regular schedule.

 

The crazy thing is that it feels so comfortable and so natural to talk again, because there's no tension or animosity from the past. It feels like I just meet a new guy that I connected really well with. It feels fresh and fun. But...yes there is a but. But I want to know where we are heading. As in any new relationship, you don't want to bring up the "exclusivity" to fast because it may scare off the other person but you want to know if they see a future in this so you don't waste your time.

 

So here is my question. When is a good time to bring this up? And any suggestions of what to say and how to say it without pressuring for a relationship. Or should I wait for a few more dates to bring it up?

[mikeca]

I say tread lightly, go out and enjoy your re-discovered feelings for one another. There is no reason to put any pressure on you two with labels just yet. One of the more common themes about it not working out is rushing back to what you two ''had'' without taking the steps like you did in the beginning. I'm not sure how long you'll have to wait but you might be able to pick up on some of his actions if he keened to reconcile, you dont want to lay all your cards on the table before you have to. I know you want answers and it will be confusing at times just wait out a little bit longer.

[JewelsInTx]

Thank you mike `ca. You are right there is no reason to rush things.

[LillyLooWho]

I would just go with the flow. I mean let's say you had the talk and got back together officially. That is still no guarantee that you won't end up wasting your time. I mean you could break up again. So date for awhile, see how you feel, and let it come up naturally. I'm like you - I want to ask straight out direct, but direct doesn't work so well in these situations I have found. It can scare them and why do that if you are having fun? Wait and see. Best of luck to you!

[Nicole2009]

Yeah, it is a difficult area. You want answers (the ones you want to hear) and you would hate to think that your being strung along.

 

Trust me, I know the feeling. The anxiety, the waiting, the wondering, but they're right, just try to relax.

 

Ha, i'm telling you the same thing i should be doing.

[LillyLooWho]

Ha, i'm telling you the same thing i should be doing.

 

Eh, we all do it. haha