Was it really me?? Hmmmm......

[surfjon]

I'm so frustrated, sad, angry, hopeless, disoriented, broken......

 

She left me June 2007 after 20 years, fine......

 

She never tried to work on things, so the corpse rotted and stank and finally

the divorce coffin was buried, fine......

 

I was left broke, struggling, living in a house of ghosts, wondering, dying,

rode the f-ing rollercoaster, fine.....

 

I took my guitar and shouldered all the blame, fine......

 

She took my kids from me, which isn't fine, but now she's basically divorcing my daughter too, says she "can't deal with her anymore", so she's packed her up and sending her to live with me.......

 

I love my daughter dearly, and welcome her, but I'm wondering "WHY???

 

First it was me, now my daughter.........

 

Is my son next if he doesn't live to her expectations

 

This woman ejects those from her life who she feels she can not deal with??

 

Perhaps she had the problem after all...........

 

Thanks to her for the hell she put me through, and now our poor daughter.

 

Peace to all....

[waveseer]

It takes two to tango and two to detango. It's never all one person, not him and not me.

[gsxr104]

I feel for evryone involved !

[John Bendix]

Surf,

 

As you know, any intimate relationship takes more than one person, by definition. The same is true for the dissolution of a relationship. The problem comes in when we try to affix blame and then complain about how things are right now.

 

How does it matter who was right and who was wrong? They are just labels we use when trying to understand what happened. I am all for understanding but it must be brought to light with acceptance.

 

Being willing to accept the present situation as it is right now is being centered. When we view our reality (perception of our present situation) with acceptance, blame and complain do not enter into the equation. They contradict and negate acceptance. Trying to make them co-exist with one another is not really possible and only sets up dissonance that cannot be resolved. Unresolved internal conflict usually leads to emotional suffering.

 

We all seem to desire things to be other than they are, to differing degrees. That is how the ego proceeds. However, because we are all capable of this, does not make it any less dysfunctional. When we become aware of our attempts at blame and complain, we must also accept that. But seeing through our actions seems to bring this dysfunctional cycle to a halt.

 

When we take full responsibility for our present life situation and accept as it is (how can things be other than they are right now?), blame and complain seem to have no where to exist. If, should have, would, could, why couldn't, and so on, have no real meaning in the reality of the present circumstance we are in. They are a function of trying to change the past and projecting in the future. Neither of which is real and nothing can effectively be done in these two imaginary realms since they are only images. Seeing them as such seems to reduce the unpleasant and dysfunctional emotional reactions such as hate, fear, anger, resentment, jealousy, anxiety, and so on.

 

Change can only occur with what we do in this moment.