Rob1000 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 You really do know you're healing when you can stop yourself obsessing about your ex. Tonight I was on Facebook and found myself on a mutual friends page when I noticed a random commment from her. From then on I started looking at her public page (her profile is set to private luckily), seeing who's she's friends with etc. But then I stopped myself. I thought to myself that it wasn't doing me any good and I turned off her page and on to something completely different. Before I would have kept on looking and obsessing over nothing until I found myself getting upset. It's nice to be gaining that control over myself. Now if I can only stop myself thinking about her at all!!! Link to comment
waveseer Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 How long has it been? Maybe you are ready for a new woman in your life. Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 How long has it been? Maybe you are ready for a new woman in your life.Just coming up to 8 months. I'd love to meet someone new. I can't wait to utter the words 'I love you' once again!!! : ) Link to comment
waveseer Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Just coming up to 8 months. I'd love to meet someone new. I can't wait to utter the words 'I love you' once again!!! : ) That's great news! Have you started asking attractive women for dates? Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 That's great news! Have you started asking attractive women for dates?Absolutely. I've one or two dates with lovely ladies in the pipeline when I get back from my trip. I'd love for someone to light that spark in me once more and give me that push to truly let my ex go once and for all. Link to comment
waveseer Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Absolutely. I've one or two dates with lovely ladies in the pipeline when I get back from my trip. I'd love for someone to light that spark in me once more and give me that push to truly let my ex go once and for all. The more often you have the option of thinking about a new woman (or women!) in your life rather than thinking of the ex the happier and more optomistic about the future you will be. May good fortune smile on you. Link to comment
allgood Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 hahaha i fell for the same trap yesterday!!! but her profile is on public so i can see everything.........but yeah i felt a bit sad but it motivated me to run again and workout and eat right....it did me good....but i guess im the same as you man. Im actually thinking about her alot less and it doesnt hurt anymore.. Good to hear your doing good man!! Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 The more often you have the option of thinking about a new woman (or women!) in your life rather than thinking of the ex the happier and more optomistic about the future you will be. May good fortune smile on you. waveseer. I'm lucky to work in a gym so I'm meeting new girls all the time!! hahaha i fell for the same trap yesterday!!! but her profile is on public so i can see everything.........but yeah i felt a bit sad but it motivated me to run again and workout and eat right....it did me good....but i guess im the same as you man. Im actually thinking about her alot less and it doesnt hurt anymore.. Good to hear your doing good man!!I'm definitely doing better dude. I still think about her WAY too much, but I'm definitely coming to terms that its over. I think the worse thing now is the mutual friends we have, and not getting invited to the same nights out etc, and then the photos appearing on facebook. That's the only thing holding me back I believe. Facebook really IS the devil. I would be well over her by now if it wasnt for that dang site!!! Link to comment
jaylh25 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Thanks waveseer. I'm lucky to work in a gym so I'm meeting new girls all the time!! I'm definitely doing better dude. I still think about her WAY too much, but I'm definitely coming to terms that its over. I think the worse thing now is the mutual friends we have, and not getting invited to the same nights out etc, and then the photos appearing on facebook. That's the only thing holding me back I believe. Facebook really IS the devil. I would be well over her by now if it wasnt for that dang site!!! Yep, your not wrong mate with facebook... I kept seeing pics of her and her new boyf at different nights out where mutual friends had been tagged in the pics.. it was really upsetting so in the end I deleted all the mutual friends off and explained why... at the end of the day I'm in regular contact with these friends and meet up with them so they dont really need to be on my fb page. So there is no way I can really see pics of her now. Our pages were always set to friends only in search so I cant see her profile pic and she cant see mine. If you can i'd avoid FB or do what I did, at least temporarily anyway.. I know youve mentioned this before but when you say you miss out on nights out, do you purposely not go as your ex will be there? I ask becouse I'm heading back today to our house we used to live in (moved country 2 months ago when i went NC) and a good friend has invited me to his birthday do on sat night... my ex doesnt really know him but I know she will probably be in the same bar and to be frank im not sure I am ready to see her.. as you know she sent me some lame email last week so not sure whats going on with her head but I think avoiding these situations while your still healing is probably the way to go although it irks me I have to miss a party! Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 I know youve mentioned this before but when you say you miss out on nights out, do you purposely not go as your ex will be there? !Yeah there's been one or two nights I've purposely missed out on because she would be there. We havent seen each other since the day we split up so there's no way I'm having our first meeting in view of everyone else. It's the same for her also. Most recently, it was one of my best friends birthdays the Saturday before last. I explained that it was best that my ex and I didn't see eachother so close to our supposed wedding day, and my friend understood. It killed me not to go but it was for the best, because as you can see, I'm healing slowly but surely. But from next year I will be going to everything, even if she is there. I wont be holding my life back any longer because of her. If I were you, I'd avoid your friends b'day night. It'll be tough but not as tough as spending the evening looking at her. Link to comment
Strawbridge Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 But then I stopped myself. I thought to myself that it wasn't doing me any good and I turned off her page and on to something completely different. Well done Rob. I suppose the next step up is not wanting to even look at her page in the beginning, but that all comes with time. I think the best advice anyone can give is not...."do this" or "no contact" or whatever but hearing people's stories of how they come out the other side. This is more of a help than anything I think. Although Rob do you still get that feeling in your stomach when something is associated with her? Its hard to explain what i mean but to give you an example, there has just been an outdoor music festival in my city. Now I know mine likes going to these types of things, however I have no way of knowing if she actually went or not, i'm just assuming of course (big mistake). I pass the park which it was held in on the way to and from uni on my bike. So i saw them setting up and taking the tents down etc and my thoughts immediately went to "i wonder if she is going or went there" and "I wonder how many guys she got with while she was there etc" cause you know what people are like at those things. Sh*t if i had the money i would have gone. But do you know the point i'm trying to make. I don't even know if she went to this thing or had any intention of going but anything associated with it (like seeing them set up the tents or hearing a song from one of the bands that played there) makes me feel almost sickly or anxious or some other feeling I can't describe. Its like my imagination is working out the worst possible scenario with her in it....her on some guys shoulders with her top off etc and then making it seem like it happened. Do you still get that? or r u at a stage when things like that don't affect you anymore? And does anyone know how to stop getting that feeling? Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Today I checked out my ex's friends, too. I realize it's unhealthy, but he's got a strange thought process. Any guy who would advertise or respond to advertisements for sex with anonymous people on Craigslist is not a wise person. I have concerns for our children. So I found a new woman there. Investigated a little (I have access to some public records not easily available to the public) and discovered that this new friend is recently divorced. She's just his type, too. Of course, I suspect she's his new girl. Suprisingly, I felt no real jealousy, just curiosity. Because of his job and other things, they could only have met online. I know he's seeing someone...saw a condom wrapper in his bathroom trash can when I took the daughter over to his place and had to use the restroom. I just hope she's normal. I, obviously, still obsess, but I'm getting so much better. I texted him and told him not to come over to help me paint this weekend. He asked if I just didn't want him over. I said if I didn't want him over, I would have said it, that I simply realized that there was no rush to get it done. The real reason is because I realized I was looking forward to seeing him, and I don't want to look forward to it. I'm all f'd up, but not as badly as I was even a month ago. Link to comment
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