20, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin

[Outlaw2747]

In fact I have made it a point to seek out and chat with girls who look lonely,shy and left out. Guess what? It DOESN'T WORK.

 

Yes I have done this as well. IT DOES NOT WORK. And even if you do strike it rich and get with her, you come off as a nice guy and 9/10 she will see your kindness as a weakness. As I said, we are tools and we are expendible.

 

I'm fed up of hypocrisy among girls-they just don't care for guys' feelings.

 

True for the most part though there are VERY FEW who will love you for who you are. They use our kindness OR in some cases, your horomones as a weakness. Not too concerned about the horomone guys but for us who try and are the ones you girls look for, it is just plain appaling and for years the guy has always looked like the bad guy in every situation. Now we start to look a lil deeper and we see the real problem at hand.

[lonelynshy]

well PAdreamer,you wanted to know what us guys want to do with girls. (though i don't know why I'm typing this,since it seems only the other guys on this thread are really reading what I'm saying).

well I am a hopeless romantic. And that's one thing that instantly turns off all girls,because it's a 'feminine' quality. If I had a g/f,I'd love to just cuddle and spend time in bed (I DON'T mean sex,I just mean lying in bed together) telling each other about ourselves,our past,our families,our quirks,joys,sorrows,etc. And I'd like to go on summer walks with her and go skiing with her in winter.

I do all the above every night with an imaginary girlfriend in my dreams. I got to the point where I hate waking up. Two nights ago I had such a realistic dream of my g/f snuggling on my shoulder and then my alarm clock went off. I felt like crying (someone tell me WHY i'm revealing all this...?). But I would resent it if someone told me to take meds. I'm a perfectly normal young man who yearns for love,companionship and romance. Meds are for those who have REAL mental illness,like chronic depression or bipolar disorder.

 

I go for girls who are temperamentally like me-shy,sensitive,intelligent,affectionate and talkative. Like I said in my previous post (i thought i would split my thoughts into two posts),I dig the shy and lonely girls but it gets me nowhere.

 

One of my guy friends said that I go for more assertive,confident girls. What he meant was that I don't like fulfilling the role of the typical guy and that's true. I DO NOT want to be an emotional or physical bodyguard or protector. I DO want equality and I would LOVE it if she sometimes took control (nothing extreme or sadistic-just ordinary stuff like arguing with the plumber for instance). Besides,it's a fact that short men are very vulnerable to physical attack by both men and women. Women,short or not, have the protection that their gender stereotype carries. I want a girl who is shy *and* assertive when the need arises. I hope this post made sense.

 

frail,from my limited experience, height plays a big role. If you go to Yahoo personals or link removed and see through women's ads,you'll see what I mean. Women certainly look down on short men(literally and figuratively!). This is a stereotype common to every culture in the world.

[Outlaw2747]

I like quoting your statements because you take them out of my mouth before I can even think of them lonelynshy, plus we have alot of similarity involving women. If ya don't mind, I'd like to quote some more intelligent things you said....

 

If I had a g/f,I'd love to just cuddle and spend time in bed (I DON'T mean sex,I just mean lying in bed together) telling each other about ourselves,our past,our families,our quirks,joys,sorrows,etc. And I'd like to go on summer walks with her and go skiing with her in winter.

 

Technically that is what I want as I had posted before, just to spend some romantic times together and share things. Is that so much to ask????

 

well I am a hopeless romantic. And that's one thing that instantly turns off all girls,because it's a 'feminine' quality.

 

For the most part, true. They see it as gay or once again, the nice guy thing going on and take advantage of it. Only the most open minded girl will go for a guy like that and even so....they can change without reason.

 

 

 

I go for girls who are temperamentally like me-shy,sensitive,intelligent,affectionate and talkative. Like I said in my previous post (i thought i would split my thoughts into two posts),I dig the shy and lonely girls but it gets me nowhere.

 

Been there. Done that. I still come out as a loser, whether I am rejected, made fun of, yelled at, whatever. Though to me they are alot more attractive than these flirty girls.

 

I DO NOT want to be an emotional or physical bodyguard or protector.

 

Neither do I, and I am sick of it. Being the emotional support for the girl who goes with the hot-shot jock then comes to us for advice, then goes BACK to the same guy or another jerk. Then ask, WHERE ARE THE NICE GUYS??? "Psst!, over here!!! Hello?"

 

frail,from my limited experience, height plays a big role. If you go to Yahoo personals or link removed and see through women's ads,you'll see what I mean. Women certainly look down on short men(literally and figuratively!). This is a stereotype common to every culture in the world.

 

I have been on THREE different online dating services (only paid for one and got close to getting with some girl but that's a differnt story I might tell later) and the main thing I see there.... MUST BE TALLER THAN 5'8 or something around there. And he ALWAYS got to be hot. Yahoo Personals, link removed and link removed are all prime examples. And this is coming from flirty supermodel AND shy types!!! thereforeeee, people like me, Shinobi, lonelynshy, and Johnagent are all useless for love and good for being used for devious purposes whether the girl realizes it or not. I think I have said enough for now.

[johnagent1911]

You know ever since I really got in to this topic I've gotten really bitter to the women around me. I don't mean to be but all the feelings, emotions and anger come pouring in my head, like a damn flood gate was opened. Like last night I went out with all sorts of friends(All male.) and when my female friends showed up it was like I had lack of trust. They wanted to know what was up because most of the time I make them laugh or we push each other around(Or something stupid like that.), now however it's different. I don't care talking to them, I don't care for them at all. But that's not the worst part, the really bad part is I'm really starting to like it. I like not caring how women feel. I wish I could some how increase it.

 

I also got a call last night from a girl that blew me off like a month ago after we went to a movie one night. (Tell me that doesn't suck azz.) I have no clue what I'm going to say to her or even if I'm gonna' call her back. She said she'd like to talk, I said "Well I would like to, so I'll call you back in a month." then I hung up. I was rather drunk but it was rude none-the-less.

 

Guys I just want to say I've been there. I've had all of those feelings. Same with you lonelynshy. It's cool to know I'm not some freak because I wanted more from a women that I'd care for, if that ever happened.

 

.

[Shidoshi]

I definitely feel you guys, its like you have to pretend to have an attitude that isn't genuinely you. You have to pretend you dont care so they will take notice to you, and in some twisted way it actually works. Another problem I see is that the girls who would probably be more compatible with our types are not really out-and-about, so you'd be hard pressed to even find them, let alone ask them out.

I like reading these posts because I like everyone's honesty about things, it makes me feel like less of an outcast.

[PAdreamer]

You know, like I said before, if it's not a good fit with a girl it's just not going to happen. There is no point in having a relationship that is a bad fit, right?

I have been sensing a lot of bitterness and hostility since I started posting here. Not towards me, but just women in general. Which is understandable. But do you guys think you might have an easier time of this if you went into the situation without being so synical and critical? I mean, it sounds like you approach all of these situations with the mindset that you'll fail anyway.

1911, I think it's actually a good thing for you guys to express all these bitter feelings and this negativity towards women. You guys just really need the opportunity to let people know how you feel. I get the feeling that you've felt like you have to bottle this stuff up! Just let it out and deal with it for a little bit. Then, once it's out in the open, you'll have an easier time of figuring out what the real issues are and how to approach them better.

[lonelynshy]

You are correct-I have a lot of pent up emotion. One major reason being my first and only relationship which lasted for three years,it was all online. I know that sounds silly but it was my ONLY relationship and I invested a lot emotionally in it. Well I won't divert this thread by describing what happened but it's been 6 months since we broke up and my hurt and pain has given way to anger,resentment and hostility. I completely ignored the social scene during those three years because I was idiot enough to think she was 'the one'. Now in the past 6 months,I've felt very vulnerable and awkward interacting with young women whereas my EX is just having a wild time...she lost her virginity ONE WEEK after dumping me and she is onto her third boyfriend since then...

[frail]

They are confusing PAdreamer. But it's not normal for guys and girls to understand each other. We all know that, it's just really frustrating!

...used as a tool, or just not interested unless you are hot, tall, or got money and a nice car.

Ya some girls (and guys) are just looking to go to bed with someone, where I guess the looks matter a bit but hey, that's not the type of girl your looking for so why bother and why dwell on it. It's not worth killing yourself over something you CANNOT CHANGE. People are people and people can suck. But you can't change them. You can only change how you feel and react to it. Depression comes in this situation yes, but sometimes people add on to it when they shouldn't be. I was there, being depressed... felt like if only one guy would think I was beautiful inside and out, I'd be set for life. But I was smothered with hopelessness. And I still can be that way every once in a while. But letting those feelings stick around, is no good.

Most of us straight minded males KNOW what we want out of being with a girl. No offense but MOST girls don't, no matter if they stuck-up, intelligent, shy, etc.

Whoa there, back up that girl-bashing caboose. I do take that into offense. I know what I want; it's what I once had. If I made it sound like all guys go after the bad type, I apologize. But I hear an awful lot of... ALL girls this… and MOST girls that. Truthfully… we are all not that experienced if experienced at all with the opposite sex and love. We are all fairly young. Who are we to make these sorts of comments? Don't take offense… I'm including myself. Although experiences in life give us the right to feel the way we feel. And I feel bad that you are all hurting, the way you are.

 

Here's a question for you all. True or False? It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I kinda know what some of you are going to say though. I'll tell you my opinion later.

[Caldus]

Here's a question for you all. True or False? It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I kinda know what some of you are going to say though. I'll tell you my opinion later.

 

I don't think many people could answer that question because most people have only been in one of those categories so they wouldn't know what it's like to be in the other category if you know what I mean. I assume that when you refer to the second category that you referring to someone that has never experienced being with a girlfriend in the first place.

 

I agree that it's good that everyone is fully expressing their emotions about their situation.

[Shidoshi]

I would say that its true to an extent, it really depends on the individuals situation. My first girlfriend in highschool basically dumped me because of my inexperience with girls and sexual intercourse (mind you, I was only 16...go figure). I kinda knew that we weren't compatible because she was pretty "ghetto"(for a lack of a better term) at times and thats something I can only tolerate but so much. But I still liked her because I was attracted to her and vice versa.

 

The breakup was never officially talked about, rather she stopped coming to school (which wasn't anything new) and wouldnt answer my calls, so I just gave up trying. In this case I would say it was a good learning experience, but at the same time it severly injured my ego and self-esteem. She was an experienced girl who was just looking to have some quick fun and I was a shy inexperienced guy looking for a special girl to share my feelings with, which got trampled like yesterdays garbage.

 

But I do see the positive side being that I realize I need to be cautious of "fast" girls because I'm not really a "fast" guy. Hmm...I guess you can say that you almost need to be hurt, but how much? and for how long?

[PAdreamer]

That IS a hard question for a lot of the people here to answer. For my part I would say it's true. If you've loved and lost, you know what you want, you know what doesn't work, and you gain skills. If you've never loved, it's hard to know where to start, what you want, and what works for you.

I agree with Frail. I think the thing that is getting to me is the "all girls" and the "most girls" stuff. Really, out of all the women on this planet, you've met less than 1%. I know you're just overexaggerating, but it's still a little annoying from my end. Sorry if that seems harsh.

[Double J]

I agree with dreamer. Being in sucky relationships, or in relationships that didn't turn out as expected for that matter, help people to discover what they really want in a partner. It also teaches us more about ourselves and in many instances helps us to find ourselves. Thank God for trial and error.

[Outlaw2747]

Whoa there, back up that girl-bashing caboose. I do take that into offense. I know what I want; it's what I once had.

 

Don't take this the wrong way but notice I said MOST. You and possibly every female posting here could be excluded.

 

Ya some girls (and guys) are just looking to go to bed with someone, where I guess the looks matter a bit but hey, that's not the type of girl your looking for so why bother and why dwell on it.

 

Don't get me wrong, I know a ton of guys who are scumbags but I am just trying to keep focused on the situation at hand. If you want to know why me and the guys dwell on the type of girl that is into looks, here is why.....even the most seemingly friendly, personality loving girl would LOVE to have some super hot, God-like, Brad Pitt looking character. Extremely hard to tell the difference between the good girls and the ones that act good, even with leghty observation, you just never know until you are shot in the back already.

 

Here's a question for you all. True or False? It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.

 

If you guessed that I was going to say never to have loved at all, you'd be right. Better to be alone than to fall in love (and yes it feels good for a while.....but just wait) and then have that heartless ^(*%&^$&^ rip your heart out and run it over with a steam roller over and over and over again.

[vfunkera]

If you want to know why me and the guys dwell on the type of girl that is into looks, here is why.....even the most seemingly friendly, personality loving girl would LOVE to have some super hot, God-like, Brad Pitt looking character. Extremely hard to tell the difference between the good girls and the ones that act good, even with leghty observation, you just never know until you are shot in the back already.

 

Don't take this the wrong way. So in your opinion, any female who has an attraction to the opposite sex whom properties very high masculine features, openly or not, is a bad girl. So were talking about 98.8% of westernised females, the other 1.2% or lower being lesbians, and even they consider a dominant partner attractive.

 

If your masculine in any form, your attractive to a female, because opposites attract. The more opposite you are to their sex, the more attractive you will be. Its proven biologically, historically since the caveman era, and socially today. I don't want to sound harsh but your denying and rejecting the laws of attraction that EVERY single human being has in their hormones. We are ALL sexual beings.

 

Don't get me wrong, I can see what your saying. A girl should not judge a guy purely on his physical attributes. Personality is what should be judged by, not a guys car, money, muscles or and looks. A low percentage of girls judge guys completely by this, and they should be avoided.

 

But no human being is going to judge the other purely by his personality, without considering and having some liking to the sexuality of their partner, male or female, otherwise there is NO POINT in having males, females and attraction in the first place. And NO human being can be criticised for wanting and being attracted to a great example of the opposite sex, whether it be god-like, dominant, masculine Brad Pitt, or a petit, curvaceous, and beautifully femenine Jennifer Lopez.

[Outlaw2747]

You make some really good points. Thanks. I don't want everyone to think that I hate girls....heck without them life would be dull. But it is just so much stress with females especially in my life, that I have to complain. It isn't females in general (cuz I do have alot of female friends) but it is dealing with them relationship wise. I just wanted to say that to clear things up if anyone thinks I am an all out woman hater.

 

In an case, I agree there must be SOME physical attraction but no one, not even a girl should be subject to being judged for a relationship just by physical attributes alone. I can find the most gorgeous woman in the world but she can be the biggest female dog in the world as well. But this whole relationship thing, I try not to quit, but I take too many bullets....it will bring me down someday, one way or another and i feel the pain of the other fellas here. I appreciate your help vfunkera, your optimism is actually useful (very rare I say that).

[vfunkera]

My optimisum is there because i used to be in your shoes. I know how it feels when you go out wid all your mates and talk to girls and it turns out they all like the same guy, or everyone of our mates but you.

 

The only advice i can seriously give that turned my fortunes around is that you must be happy with yourself, like yourself and the fact that your a male. There should be elements of competition and wanting to be the best inside you, its part of the male genes, let it show. Complaining and feeling sorry for yourself will do nothing.

 

How can you expect a girl to like you if you don't like yourself? How can a girl want a relationship with you if your not willing to provide her biological needs? Dude there is no problem personality wise for you and all the other 'nice guys'. Thats why you have so many female friends. Personality holds the relationship together, not sex. Physic is also not as big as it is being made out as. The problem is that attraction bit, the biological bit. She wants her man to be assured in himself, be able to protect her, be the best with ambition. Security, dominance and a leader. Not a guy who wants to waste his life looking into her eyes all the time.

 

Thats why jerks, badboys etc are so popular. They're 'toxic' as britney calls them, but that security and confidence they offer is just too big a biological attraction to them. They can beat them and cheat them, and they'll still stay with them or go back.

 

No one wants something that has no value. If you don't value yourself, then who will? You can still be a nice guy and get a girl, just like yourself and show it.

[Outlaw2747]

Well spoken. I actually do like myself however but I get everything you are saying. I have tried the confidence thing as well, I don't walk around moping with a sad face. I like to appear as if nothing is wrong with me....I don't spend my life looking unhappy just to attract attention. However, I am tired of the games as are the other guys here. My strategy is I am not looking for anyone, let them come to me and if they don't oh well. And yes you are correct, love IS NOT all about sex, it is only a mere fraction, but I knew that from the start because sex isn't the main objective here. I just know that almost anything I try will end up in ruins....confidence or not. So, I'm just taking it slow, I'm in no rush, I'm young. And if I do get with someone, they not gonna be walking over me like a door mat and I will not be used.....she in for a surprise if she thinks she will get away with any of that nonsense.

[Shinobie]

I would like myself but im an ugly male even when i do try to like myself and be happy and show it.I just get thrashed and go back down into thinking negatively.its like im trying to get out of a hole but people keep on pushing me down it when i try to get out.Dude nothing works i mean even when i try to be happy with myself and be happy around people it fails.I think i do have bad looks but i just dont know how bad o well im still feeling happier right now that im still alive and decided to keep it that way.

[Outlaw2747]

Hey I think I am ugly but I am still grateful for the fact that I am alive and well. There are times I put myself down alot but at least I speak the truth about it. Everything I say is based on fact. In any case, I know all about "the hole". There is just a group of people who keep poking me with a stick to keep me down there. I get on the edge of the hole for a while and grow confident....then that person with the shotgun knocks me into it again, leaving me bitter and to lick my wounds. I'm trying my best not to give up on having a relationship with a female but.....it seems resistance to staying in the hole is completely futile.

[PAdreamer]

Shinobe, just for the "ugly" comment I demand that you let me a see a picture of you. Let the women that you are trying to impress be the judges of that one, okay? No one sees themselves as others see them. I pretty much think I'm a dog, but most of the people around me say I'm beautiful *shrug* And I've seen so many "ugly people" end up happily married for the rest of their lives. So once again, if you find the right girl, your looks will not be a factor.

Outlaw, liking yourself and having confidence in yourself is not the same as pretending that you do. For this to work, you really have to do some serious soul searching and be okay with who you are. Pretending doesn't work. Anything that you try to do that isn't true to who you are will just make things worse.

[Caldus]

I try not to quit, but I take too many bullets....it will bring me down someday, one way or another and i feel the pain of the other fellas here...

 

No no no! It will not bring you down. People can bring you down, but you can always get back up. Develop resistance against people 'bringing you down' when you're feeling confident with yourself. Be assertive if other people try to bring you down in any way and your confidence should remain. At a certain point it will become hard for others to bring you down so easily because you're so sure of yourself.

 

I don't think I'm ugly at all, but I don't look my age. But that could put me at an advantage because some girls like the boyish look anyway. In fact a lot of them say I'm cute even though I used to think I was ugly. Wrong! You think you're ugly but that does not automatically mean that you're ugly to anyone else.

[Outlaw2747]

Okay I am going to have to rephrase my post and tell everyone something.....I DON'T PRETEND FOR ANYONE. I have been able to conjure up some confidence when the time arises but as I said, it gets shot down like a plane over at Washington DC. Even though I have low self-esteem I do manage to get some intestinal fortitude to go for things and it just doesn't work. As far as being ugly (which I am, I used to have my picture up but the Galbadian Soldier in my avatar most likely has me beat.....lol) I don't THINK I am ugly....I KNOW I AM UGLY. I have been told so....not just by people trying to be funny, but to people who truly mean it. And I have been called it many times. thereforeeee everything I have ever said IS BASED ON PURE FACT. I am ugly and I must learn to accept it. I am expendible and used only as a tool other than love. Point blank.

[Caldus]

I don't think it's a fact that you're ugly. You must be hanging out with the wrong type of people if everyone keeps claiming that you're ugly. Don't worry so much about it. When a girl really likes someone's personality, then chances are they are not going to care so much about how you look. They might, but it is possible that they may think you look decent. As hard as it may be to believe, all people have different tastes which means that someone out there may think you look decent.

[frail]

There are too many sad faces on these guys so I've made brownies for everyone. Lovingly prepared with the ingredients inculded in the Pillsbury box. It all went to waste though when I tried to shove it in the spare phone jack in the back of my computer. Had to shell out nine-hundred bucks for a new computer. So virtual brownies would have to do. Besides… the thought of brownies alone would put a smile on anyones face. THINK BROWNIES!!! (i know... i'm a geek)

 

You all had excellent points for my question. My own answer, well it sucks either way really in my eyes. If you never loved at all, you constantly wonder what your missing, and you feel as if your not worthy for such a wonderful thing. On the other hand, to have loved and lost, you know whats out there. You know how nice it is to love and be loved but knowing you can't have it makes you feel like a failure just the same. I mean you were sad cause you never had it. And then you have it and lose it? That sucks all the same. But I also agree with the fact that if you have loved and lost, you know more about what your looking for.

 

Outlaw, i'd have to agree twice with Caldus when he says you must be hanging around with the wrong people because that's not cool at all. And everytime i liked a guy for his personality, it didn't matter what he looked like. In fact, everytime i would look at him he would look more and more attractive to me on the outside as well. You need to stop caling yourself ugly. Please stop. It's soundin like your worst enemy is yourself here.

[johnagent1911]

I would rather love and loss than to never love at all because you have all types of memories/experience, and you go through this time knowing someone truly cares for you. You can share/do what ever you want with this one person and it wouldn't change. Total acceptance. The world stops for all you care because you're with that person. I mean yeah it would suck to lose her, but you gain so much out of it.

 

.