20, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin

[loser87]

In the same place as you guys. I'm 17, sometimes wonder whats wrong with me - why can't i get a girlfriend?

 

I think I've fallen in love with this girl I know, but she's in a relationship with another guy. I don't know what to do, she's always talking about how great he is to me, and it kills me.

[Outlaw2747]

Hey loser87, trust me I am a bigger loser than you are. Having a gf especially in the teen years is not all it is cracked up to be. Lots of stress involved, in fact i think I might go single if I don't hit it off with this girl that is visiting me. Have patience and just let it flow.

[PAdreamer]

I'm sorry but I have to laugh when I read these things. You guys are so freaked out about being single and you're only, what? 20? Okay I give a little room for the 27-year-old, but the rest of you... LOL! You DO realize that you have your whole lives to find a relationship, right? I mean, who wants to have a relationship that doesn't work out JUST for the sake of saying they've had a relationship? In my opinion, that's pretty shallow. I'm 19. I have been in more relationships than I can count, and the only thing I liked about them were the things I learned NOT to do again. They're not all they're cracked up to be. They are so full of mindless, needless drama... As a matter of fact, they're childish, unless you're with the right person.

Hang in there guys. It's not so bad, okay? I know you don't believe me, but this is not something worth freaking out over.

[Outlaw2747]

I did say don't rush it. I actually don't care too much anymore, I am tired of going through things females put me through so I am enjoying my young life as long as I can. In fact, I'm not even looking for anyone, I wait for someone to find me and if they don't...oh well I could care less. So I hope that laugh wasn't for me because I'm not freaking out over this, I just have a negative viewpoint about all this. But a few months back it be okay to laugh at me, I was truly pathetic.

[johnagent1911]

See it's funny because PA has had countless numbers of guys in her life so she doesn't know what it feels like to not find anyone. So in no way can she relate. It's easy for a girl to get involved with someone. For a guy it's 10x harder than for a girl...

 

-1911

[Outlaw2747]

Good point. I would have never seen it that way. Us guys have to live by so many rules of being with someone and getting a girl and becoming involved with them it is insane. Since we are guys, we are supposedly not as sensitive and whatnot and it is usually us that supposedly have to make the first move and whatnot. We got more to lose than a girl does when it comes to relationships whether it is from your well being to popluarity. Good point Johnagent.

[Shinobie]

Darkwing whyd u go for a protitute man? Save ur sex experience for something more even if u dont have a women right now just wait for one man.That is going extremely low if u went for a prostitute and that is having no respect for yourself or mankind if u dig urself that low.Im saving mine for the women i marry i am not going to screw myself over like and im gonna wait for the women i really truly love.

[PAdreamer]

First of all, having a number of relationships (and obviously I was exaggerating about the number to make a point), does not mean that there were never times when I thought I wouldn't find someone.

What exactly do you mean when you say that guys have more to lose in a relationship?

[johnagent1911]

Unless you are damn near perfect looking you can forget about girls.

 

The end.

 

I have a friend that is better looking than I am. I'm not going to lie. And every time we go out and we meet up with some girls. Instead of one girl being interested in him and one girl being interested in me; All of the girls are interested in him. Every girl at the table.

 

I smile brighter every time a girl gets played. Because if they don't see the nice guys, then screw them. Blah blah blah, though because it doesn't really matter. I'm no longer that guy. I don't mind if they don't want to date me, I can do without but when I was about 18 and in highschool this bothered the hell out of me. Still does every so often, like right now. I could go on for hours on this topic but it doesn't matter.

 

-1911

[Outlaw2747]

Partly true, you forget one aspect Johnagent. If the guy is ugly but they see that the guy has money, a hot car, or a big house then the ugly guy has a chance. Other than that, yep the "cute" guys will win all the time. It may be opinionated about looks but if alot of girls agree on how a guy looks he is considered one of those hot guys or pretty boys. I do not fit into that category. And yes Johnagent, I too smile whenever I see a girl get played by a stupid guy. I used to be the type who would stand up for a girl's right's, always took their side. But as I got older I started to see what was really going on and I finally got my head screwed on right. If you are not cute, rich, or a bad boy you can forget about females. If one suddenly comes after you, be warned....she isn't after YOU, she is stfer something you possess.....

 

Oddly enough since I believe there is at least ONE sensible female out there, I am giving this one girl a chance but I am not turning my back for a second.

[Shinobie]

Ya same with me johnagent Its kind of like when i go with him with other girls they all like him.The thing u say how u said screw them all well its kind of hard by the fact that everytime i go out like that that happens.I have never met these "nice considerate girls" that would actually give such a guy like me a chance.Most i ever meet just want the guys like my friend richard and have no liking for me.

[Outlaw2747]

Want to hear a story? I went through the same thing BOTH of you went through....many times in fact.

 

I was in Seoul, Korea with 3 other dudes. I was 19 and the other guys were 18, 20, and 23. We go into this bar and we was basically the only guys there cuz it was early. They wanted to stop for a drink right before we was going to go to OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE. Anyways, there were about FOUR bartenders there...all except one (she had to be about 30) were around our ages. But when we first came in there was only two at the moment so we all sat around and chatted....all showing off pictures and talking about the military and whatnot. Then the other two show up. And we all talked still, the other two didn't play a part until later. I noticed slowly that the girls were getting into my friends and I was being left out of the picture slowly and my 20 year old friend didn't care because he already had a girl. Now comes the part that urks me to this day....

 

Everyone except me and the two other girls decide to play pool. So they do as I sat and watched. One of the really cute (but shy) girls actually starts talking to me (the whole what's your name, how old are you, that kinda stuff) but then moves right after my friend (the one with a girlfriend already) and starts HITTING on him. She even tells him I LOVE YOU and it was only for a few hours we all knew each other!!!! then they all forget about OUTBACK and talk to their girls and whatnot while I am left to rot like I was meant to. One girl left but guess what? As I turned around right after being played like a fiddle, i see the othe rgirl talking to this other soldier (people started coming in the club now) and theyhaving a good ol time. I was so upset I wanted to destroy everyone in there so I just stormed out into the club next door downed some coke (I don't drink.) and relaxed. At that moment some girl came up to me and got friendly with me and then says..."BUY ME A DRINK FOR $20 AND I WILL TALK TO YOU, IT'S MY JOB." (we soldiers call them drinky girls and yes it is an actual job) I gave her that evil look and went back to the first depressing club, starved and embarrassed.

 

When we left, it was clear as to who had fun that night and who truthfully had a horrific night. For something to end like that is a stake in the heart and I didn't even have to be in love to get hurt. Yes, it is pathetic I know but that's how I felt.

[PAdreamer]

Guys I have to tell you, I really do feel for you. Hey, it hasn't been easy for me to get boyfriends, and when I do I almost always attract cruel, depressed, suicidal maniacs. But I'm pretty stunned by the accusations flying around. Girls only like you if you're hot or have money? I'm really hope these are generalized statements, because I have never been with a guy for his money, his looks, his car, or his friends. I'm with a guy because I like him for one reason or another: personality, sense of humor, wit. My boyfriend works for the DMV. YEAH! Crap load of cash flowing through the door! Give me a break. You can't REALLY think that all girls are that shallow! What about guys? I could say that guys won't date girls unless they look like supermodels or will put out any time, any place. But that wouldn't be true, and I know it.

Out of curiosity, if you had a disability, how do you think girls would treat you?

[Outlaw2747]

They would treat us with pity of course. But they won't ever go out with you because you are a cripple. And once again, not all girls are at fault on this because I know there must be at least ONE girl out there with a heart. I say 90% of the female poplulation are guilty of what these young men have said. And I will be the first one to admit, alot of guys obsess over these "supermodel" girls but then when I turn around, most of these guys are with an okay to really hot girl. In fact I seen alot of guys with girls most would not consider "model material". I myself wouldn't mind being with an extremely hot girl but if she got a personality and she is nowhere near the supermodel look (but she don't look like an anteater on drugs either, there's gotta be some sort of attraction), I put my money on that girl. Looks are great and all but they do not make the woman all the time. Also, I am not after a girl for sex. Yes most of you girls will call bull**** but that doesn't matter to me because I know what I want. Love first, sex later....plus it is more enjoyable with the person you adore the most. But yes, me and these other two guys have been heartbroken more than enough times we should be but we are hanging in there and not becoming the mean guys you girls so despise (or love in some of the more common cases). At least we should get our props for that.

[johnagent1911]

I have a lot of female friends, and it's like every guy they see they judge RIGHT THERE! "Aw well he's ugly, hehehe I don't want to talk to him", this is all I hear for the most part. "Oh well if he's hot I'll talk to the stranger.", crap like this fills my mind as I sit there thinking 'What the hell? He wasn't that bad.' I'm sorry but if it was wit/humor that girls were after then I'd be a god to women.(And some girls have gone for it, thank the lord.) For my personality? People always ask me how is I can walk up to anyone and start talking to them. I'm a theatre major, I work for a theatre where all I did was improv. Now if you haven't the slightest idea what that is, it means I can be put on the spot and come up with jokes and talk to the audience.(Luckily for me I'm young and have talent or I wouldn't of even been considered hired at my theatre.) I'm at the COMEDY CLUB, I JUST PERFORMED with some buddies; I don't get the girls that give me their numbers. I get the ones that tell me "You were awesome! You were in Newyork? COOL! Oh, what? Get a drink later? No thanks!!!"[Followed by a look that can kill.]

 

Society crys out that girls have it tough but what about the guys that are left back? We just have to deal with it. We're too tough. We can't cry.(Girls told me they wouldn't date a man that teared up at a movie! WHAT!?) But see I raised as a man, I do not b!tch about any of this because or I would come off as weak. I personally wouldn't want that.(Who would?) I'm not looking for pity. I don't care if you 'feel' for me, it doesn't help. I know that sounds bad but think about it; makes sense huh?(Not being rude.) I'm not looking for approval. I'm merely posting about what I've seen/heard in my times.

 

Disability?(Even though I don't think this issue relates at all.) I pray for those people. I really do, and I don't even believe in god. The thing is if you have a disability, you're a tougher person than me. I race motorcycles. If I fall and I can't use my legs I will kill myself. I rather be dead than have a disability of any kind. If you think that's horrible, tons of people kill themselves over being disabled everyday.

 

I'd be too depressed about life to worry about ladies and or worried about how I would like to end my life.

 

.

 

P.S I hang out with some pretty close friends and all of the girls in the group think that this girl(Another friend.) and I should hook up. 'We'd be perfect' but she wouldn't date me becuase I'm not good looking enough. True story.

[Shinobie]

Just use things ot get ur mind off kind of like me yay!!!!!!!!!!I sleep all day till 4 o clock wake up and play computer till 6 o clock in the morning to keep my pathetic self from going outside to get hurt again and to get my mind off those thoughts.I go to sleep wake up do same thing except for if i have to work then come home play computer.There are times when i do think about girls and get depressed but i play more to stop thinking bout it.

[Mjoelner]

Nope, you're not a freak - my two best male friends were both 23 before they had a girlfriend (and lost their virginity). And a girl I once knew didn't see any action herself until she was 22....

I was 18 myself and I thought I was a freak too..(yeah well I am..just not that way )

[vfunkera]

I've said time and time again, the place to begin building any relationship starts inside yourself- your own character.

 

You must first like yourself before you can like others and others can like you. How can you expect others to like you if you call yourselves 'pathetic beings' and don't think of yourselves highly? You cannot let your anger or emotions rule you. Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective.

 

You can't have the fruits without the roots. Private Victory precedes Public Victory. Self-Mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others.

 

Real self-respect comes from dominion over self, from TRUE INDEPENDENCE. Unless you are willing to achieve real independence, it's very foolish to try to develop any relationship skills. Some try and might even have some degree of success when the sun is shining. But when it rains, they will-they won't have the foundation to keep things together. That foundation takes time to build and is constantly growing stronger-with time, and wisdom.

 

A girl wants a strong guy, someone who can take care of her. If you can't look after yourselves, then you provide no security for them. Don't think 'no im going to be very lucky if she says yes to me, its really unlikely', go in their expecting her to say yes. Girls will dig you for your confidence and assurance.

 

Pricks and jerks at least like themselves and provide security. And you can't blame them. When your confident and like yourself wouldn't you show arrogance?

 

As soon as you have something to offer people will come to buy. Its all in you, your life is what you've made it. Someone earlier said its time to change tomorrow. Hes on the right lines, stop playing videogames and do something about it. Make you like yourself. You don't want to look back when your old and think, 'damn i never had a girl in my teens, i didn't enjoy myself when i was a kid'. Thats the reality.

[johnagent1911]

I enjoy being me, but still I lack in looks. I'm c0cky in what I do but I know my faults. I know I'm going to be pretty well off as far as money and friends go. I don't need a girlfriend, and I don't even look for one but it would be nice once in a while to know someone cares for you eh? I'm sorry to say I don't agree. Yeah it helps to have self-worth and that goes for males and females, but at the same time you still need the looks. Being confident will not purely win over girls. Yes it helps but that isn't the only factor. Do you think I run around in life saying, 'Oh poor me, I hate my looks', no I don't. I've been old I give out an 'I'm really sure about myself' vibe(Her words.), and this is coming from the girl that her friend's think I would be perfect for! YET she still will not date me based upon my looks.(Again her words.)

 

Again as I stated before it doesn't really matter, I just wanted to let some of the people here know that I have been there.

 

.

 

If you don't believe me that looks plays another MAJOR factor what about the guys who have ZERO confidence yet can still pull the ladies? (My friend that's better looking than me DOESN'T know he's better looking, and in fact thinks he's horribly ugly but yet the girls still go for him.)

[Caldus]

When your confident and like yourself wouldn't you show arrogance?

 

No, I wouldn't. I don't have to act like that around other people in order to prove that I am confident and like myself. People may or may not see that in me when I talk to them. That's up to them to decide whether I am a good person to them. I think it's just better to be completely true to yourself regarding your goals and passions in life rather than going around acting arrogant all the time.

 

I realize today that I am only 19 and probably still not ready for a relationship as I am going back to college in the fall taking 18 hours and working part time during the school year. I have been trying to improve myself for the last year and I suppose I could improve even more until I'm 20 or 21 instead of doing nothing but searching for a girl.

[Outlaw2747]

Forget looking for girls. Let them come to you. If they don't then you don't need them anyways. i am sick of the whole THE GUY HAS TO FIND AND ASK THE GIRL OUT. Whatever. I'm not even looking myself. But it be nice not to be treated like scum or trash. I tried showing confidence....doesn't work. Tried just not caring. Doesn't work. But thwen I do mysteriously do get a girl, she pulls off some whacko stunt and kills me. As I get resurrected, I become smarter luckily.

 

Vfunkera, thanks for the confidence and I wish it was that easy but it isn't. And someone asked how us guys have it harder. If you are the popluar (but not snobby) type and the girl you want chumps you or rejects you, you look like a complete loser. Then you got the mindset that WE are supposed to be coming and looking for y'all. So you just sit there until that hot guy or whoever you want comes after you. Or you go after him and he is supposed to be your hero and whatnot. I seen some breakups for some stupid stuff. You are more likely to reject us than we reject y'all. I heard of a girl breaking up with a guy just because he can't kiss, or he can't dance, or some stuff like that. yet you claim you want a fun loving guy with a good personality. Either that or you want that dream guy who's tall, hot, muscular, sweet, strong....who you want to marry? A God? WELCOME TO EARTH. Myself, Shinobi, and Johnagent are all tired of this nonsense.

 

I hate to sound like such a pessimist but you can only take so much. And if anyone has read my story I posted on the other page, you will see why the way I am. I have justification and proof that this is nonsense and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Girls will always have the upperhand in these relationships these days and can dispose of us easily at will.

[Caldus]

Outlaw2747, I'm in a similar situation to yours, so here's some advice from a different perspective:

 

Forget looking for girls. Let them come to you. If they don't then you don't need them anyways. i am sick of the whole THE GUY HAS TO FIND AND ASK THE GIRL OUT. Whatever. I'm not even looking myself.

 

I think that if anyone wants to meet more people (whether a guy or a girl), they should do so. Guys shouldn't always have to meet them and girls don't always need to wait for the guy to meet them. If you want to meet someone, just go meet them and don't worry about always having to be the one to ask the girl out. Some girls don't mind meeting new people at all no matter who they are. You shouldn't mind going up to them and striking up a conversation if you're interested in them.

 

But it be nice not to be treated like scum or trash.

 

What exactly do you mean? I don't follow. Are people actually treating you like that or do you just think that?

 

I tried showing confidence....doesn't work. Tried just not caring. Doesn't work.

 

Being confident will work. Showing confidence is not something you try to do, rather confidence is something that you develop over time. You can act like your confident but many people will notice that you're not confident even if you think they don't. You don't have to act like you don't care, but you also don't need to act desperate either. Just talk to girls like anyone else. I'm working on this right now myself.

 

Then you got the mindset that WE are supposed to be coming and looking for y'all. So you just sit there until that hot guy or whoever you want comes after you. Or you go after him and he is supposed to be your hero and whatnot. I seen some breakups for some stupid stuff. You are more likely to reject us than we reject y'all. I heard of a girl breaking up with a guy just because he can't kiss, or he can't dance, or some stuff like that. yet you claim you want a fun loving guy with a good personality. Either that or you want that dream guy who's tall, hot, muscular, sweet, strong....who you want to marry? A God?

 

Don't worry about girls dumping guys just because they can't dance. Yes, that is being shallow, but who cares? Don't even think about them. Think about finding the girl that you want to be with. As far as being in a relationship goes, all you need to do is find one girl out there who meets your requirements. There are tons of girls out there for you. The girls you are mentioning can automatically be wiped off your list. Makes it easier for you to find the right girl, right? You can always just make more female friends. Maybe they have friends that meet your requirements. You never know. Or maybe they really are a good person and they were just looking for a good friend. Give them a chance just as they usually give you a chance.

 

Yes, every girl has the perfect guy in their heads all of the time but I'm sure they know that it's difficult to find the perfect guy for them too. Go look around these forums for a while and you will notice that many girls are also heartbroken because they can't find the right guy. They've been in so many relationships and they still can't find a guy who meets their requirements. So essentially, a lot of people on this website are in the same situation. It's hard for everyone to find the right person to be with. Not just us.

 

WELCOME TO EARTH. Myself, Shinobi, and Johnagent are all tired of this nonsense.

 

I was tired of it, but I realized that I shouldn't be. I realize that I'm just sitting there looking at the computer screen saying how all of this is just nonsense but in reality a lot of people out there are thinking the same thing even after being in a relationship. They are wondering why they can't find the right person. You're not alone.

 

I hate to sound like such a pessimist but you can only take so much.

 

You're welcome to be a pessimist about it all, but it will get you nowhere. I know how you feel because I've been there so many times. Be optimistic and don't stop being optimistic. Sometimes people become the opposite even when they try hard to be optimistic but that's OK. Just get back up and keep trying again. Think of yourself as like Robocop or something. You know, like he can be slammed to the ground but he just gets right back up and tries again.

 

And if anyone has read my story I posted on the other page, you will see why the way I am. I have justification and proof that this is nonsense and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

 

It is not the question of whether all of this is nonsense but rather are you willing to keep trying be continue to be optimistic about finding the girl of your dreams. Are you willing to get back on your feet yet again and give it another try? Or are you going to give up so quick and be pestimistic?

 

Girls will always have the upperhand in these relationships these days and can dispose of us easily at will.

 

So can we. Guys that are in a relationship can easily hurt a girl. Go look around these foums and read the "Ex-BF" stories. You can tell from the posts how hurt these women are. They probably feel even worse than you do right now.

 

Sorry about the long post but I thought that I would try to help. I'm in the same situation and trying to improve myself as well. By writing this post it has helped me a bit too. So good luck!

[Outlaw2747]

Well written I must admit. i will take heed to your advice the best i can but yes I get treated as such (as do the other two) just for being unattractive and nice. I was always a pessimist in my teenage years. Girls weren't the cause of it contrary to popluar belief. And I know that not all girls are evil and I am dreadfully sorry about these men destroying them which is the main reason why some of these girls go to the "dark side" and hurt guys like myself, Shinobi and Johnagent. So to the ladies who were actually good and got hurt by some stuck-up moron, I am dreadfully sorry and I hope you don't get a bad influence on guys like i have with girls. I am actually trying to work on that but that mindset is somewhat stuck and I need to be proven wrong.

[Caldus]

...yes I get treated as such (as do the other two) just for being unattractive and nice.

 

What do they say? What do they do? Can you remember a specific time when you were ridiculed for being that way?

 

I was always a pessimist in my teenage years. Girls weren't the cause of it contrary to popluar belief.

 

Well that's OK. You still qualify to be an optimist if you want to be! You always will be. Just because you were in the past doesn't mean you will be now or later, right?

 

...which is the main reason why some of these girls go to the "dark side" and hurt guys like myself, Shinobi and Johnagent.

 

I don't think they intentionally do that. It may seem like it, but they probably don't. Sometimes it's just because they have been in previous relationships and feel like they can't trust guys in general anymore so they reject any guy that wants to go out with them.

 

...I am actually trying to work on that but that mindset is somewhat stuck and I need to be proven wrong.

 

What needs to be proven wrong exactly?

[adonis]

don't worry guys you are not alone... see i am 21 years old and never had a gf well i left to seek for girls they never understood my love and feelin... i am sorry to write such comments but itz true now i hate to go for girls... all i want to say i don't want to be in relation... i just can cry on my bad luck.