these feeling i hate

[claudia]

hey everyone i really need some sense knocked into me right now .I'm so mad at myself right now and i feel so stupid for this feeling. My current ex and i were in a LDR and he broke it off saying that he was ( mentally sick) and could not cope with the distance even thought i was making plans to come to his country .I understood his point and sadly try to put our relationship in my past ,he said the magic words of wanting my friendship blah blah and stupidly i accepted .

 

So this happened in September 2003 and we are trying to be friendssice then, its hard to be with him, cause we mainly use msn and sometimes he just ignores me and sometimes he messages me . I know i should delete him and initate no contact but i can't seem to do it . He says he enjoys my friendship . I try the no contact thing but always seems to end up in contact with him

 

Well today i playing around with this site he created and i saw some girl leaving messages in his guestbook (pretty retard) but i got really sad and jealous and now i feel anger (i just wish this to be over where i feel nothing for him) .

 

On one hand i feel happy for him if he meets new girls but on the other i feel bad cause i wish it was me. Now i'm feeling down and i guess he is probly happy not even studying me

 

i just need some advice on leaving this behind me

 

sorry if i wasted anyone time with my babbling but i really needed to get it out

 

[LittleSister]

First, you shouldn't apologize, this is what this forum is for.

 

I was also in a LDR, because of college, for four years and we were engaged. We broke up in Nov. 03. On one hand, it should be easier to get over someone you never have to see. But, it is also very difficult to control your feelings. I understand your being torn between wanting him to be happy and being upset bc it is not with you. When my ex broke up with me, I found comfort in anger. I was angry when I found out who he was dating after me and I used that anger to distance myself and not to contact him. You have now began to also feel anger, maybe you should not try to supress that.

 

Knowing that he sometimes ignores you on messenger, it should be a bit easier to do no contact and stick with it. Since you are so far away, at this point, you should put more effort and energy into meeting someone new. My ex and I also made the false promises of always being friends and always wanting to be a part of each others lives. Sometimes, the reality is that this is just not possible. Is his "friendship" with you holding you back from moving on? Think about that.

 

For now, just focus on yourself. Meet some new people. If he is ignoring you, try not to push friendship. Ask yourself, when you do talk to him, how does it make you feel. Turely, deep down, does contact with him make you feel more down or does it give you false hopes of being together? Don't be mad at yourself, like I said, it is difficult, if not impossible, to control your feelings, but you can control your actions.

 

LittleSister

[Ash]

Yep, I agree with LittleSister. Try to make a clean break, no matter how difficult. You'll end up hurting yourself more if you don't.

 

Yes, there will be times, especially at first, that it will be very, very difficult. But if there's no future for you two, and the other girls is tending to make you jealous, then it's best just to try to leave it all.

 

Be strong, and work on it for a bit. Meet some new people, try some new activities. Things like that.

 

Good luck.