newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Well I dont necessarily think that impressed is the proper word to use there. Its really not impressive, its actually kind of sad. I have taken so much hurt and abuse, that my feelings are completely confused and I find myself so attached that I dont really know who I am anymore.... whether or not I ever really knew myself. i used the word impressed because it is something i cannot do. i cannot take so much pain. i don't have any implication it is a good thing or not. i feel that i am selfish, that is why i cannot and unwilling to take the pain. i think i am a coward, i am not willing to continue to love when i detect some signs that he didn't love me as much. i am not sure i will get the result i want. i even feel that it is gender related, if i am a man, i will not be as calculative, i will go and try to win the girl even if she doesn't love me in the beginning. i am willing to do a lot more. as a woman, i feel that it is fruitless to try to win a man's heart, because you run the risk of being taken advantage of. i believe in this saying if the man loves you, he will make it happen." Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Sorry if I sounded judgemental. I hate that. sorry! Link to comment
Mustachio Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I think feeling love for someone is separate from being in a relationship with them. You can choose not to be with them if you don't like their actions, but I don't think that means you stop loving them. Is there really such a thing as type A? I was about to write this thought too... although perhaps wording it slightly differently. Its more the difference of loving someone vs being in love with them. Or rather, Having loving feelings for someone vs expressing them. I know that the feelings in most people probably stay, but I guess, do you continue to express those feelings if they arent showing them back, or do you simply stop loving them. I would find it difficult to believe that you could just stop loving them... but thats just me, who knows. Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 I think feeling love for someone is separate from being in a relationship with them. You can choose not to be with them if you don't like their actions, but I don't think that means you stop loving them. Is there really such a thing as type A? yes, what you said makes a lot of sense. maybe the question should be changed to "would you still stay in the relationship with someone who doesn't love you anymore?" then type A no, type B yes. Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 sorry, i ponder about this for a while, i realise that if my partner is mean to me, it is possible i don't feel the love anymore. mmmm.... i think the original question still makes some sense. ( just want to say my intention is not to debate anything, just chatting, that's all.) Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Well, that's a much easier question----no, I wouldn't!! But here's where it gets tricky (and maybe this is what you were getting at). Someone can love you and still do things that aren't nice. So do you look past their actions and stay anyway, because you know (or think) they love you, or do you evaluate their "love" solely on their actions? I'm reminded of the Clintons---when Bill cheated on Hillary and she took him back. It's a really personal decision, where to draw the line. If you're in love, you're gonna get hurt. People make mistakes. How much you can tolerate depends on a lot of things---your history together, your values, your childhood. I guess where people differ is how much is too much, but to talk about that, I think we'd need types A, B, C . . . X, Y, Z. Interesting question, though! Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Well, that's a much easier question----no, I wouldn't!! But here's where it gets tricky (and maybe this is what you were getting at). Someone can love you and still do things that aren't nice. So do you look past their actions and stay anyway, because you know (or think) they love you, or do you evaluate their "love" solely on their actions? I'm reminded of the Clintons---when Bill cheated on Hillary and she took him back. It's a really personal decision, where to draw the line. If you're in love, you're gonna get hurt. People make mistakes. How much you can tolerate depends on a lot of things---your history together, your values, your childhood. I guess where people differ is how much is too much, but to talk about that, I think we'd need types A, B, C . . . X, Y, Z. Interesting question, though! wow, you are right! you know, i am fast to jump to conclusion that if someone does this, he doesn't love you. i am still doing this all the time. my friend told me some people can love more than one person at the same time, so it depends whether you can accept that or not. something like that. i want to confess something very selfish, i wish the person who loves me is type B !!! lol Link to comment
coolchick64 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 i want to confess something very selfish, i wish the person who loves me is type B !!! lol Don't we all!! : ) Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I was type B, i was the dumper in the end, i couldnt take his horrid treatment anymore Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 but but, if my partner is type B, i can be type B too !!! really! ( ok ok, must give myself a tiny tiny bit of credit... ) Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Maybe people who are Type A (who don't tolerate as much) have more self esteem. Or maybe people who are Type B (who tolerate more) are more stubborn. My friend's husband told her he cheated and he was in love with someone else. She said "don't let the door hit you in the a$$". Inside she was devastated but on the outside, her attitude was very rigid. Ultimately he came back and begged her to take him back. I think the fact that she didn't beg him to stay may have had something to do with it. Who knows? Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 I was type B, i was the dumper in the end, i couldnt take his horrid treatment anymore come to think of it, i wasn't immediately type A, i was type B for 3 years, two days ago i turned type A, i want to be type A. so far i like it, type B was painful... Link to comment
Mustachio Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 come to think of it, i wasn't immediately type A, i was type B for 3 years, two days ago i turned type A, i want to be type A. so far i like it, type B was painful... Is that actually switching from type B to A, or just getting over the hurt and knowing that with that person you no longer love them anymore? Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 come to think of it, i wasn't immediately type A, i was type B for 3 years, two days ago i turned type A, i want to be type A. so far i like it, type B was painful... I will be type A from now on, i have a new found respect for myself nowadays, NOBODY will EVER get the chance to treat me like that again. Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Is that actually switching from type B to A, or just getting over the hurt and knowing that with that person you no longer love them anymore? i didn't intentionally switch from B to A. it happened like a snap from the moment i decided to perceive his action as he doesn't love me ( enough ) and i cannot depend on him. the feeling is " he is not worthed my love " and i am not going to waste effort on him anymore. actually this doesn't mean i don't love him anymore in terms of feelings. in terms of action love, i decide to stop. Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 I will be type A from now on, i have a new found respect for myself nowadays, NOBODY will EVER get the chance to treat me like that again. that is the way! Love yourself, you are the PRIZE ! Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 that is the way! Love yourself, you are the PRIZE ! I sure am Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 to qualify for type B, there must be action, not just feelings. basically, still in the relationship. Link to comment
Mustachio Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 to qualify for type B, there must be action, not just feelings. basically, still in the relationship. Well if we are qualifying it that way, then I would hope to be a type A. After this past relationship, I can only hope I would continue so far until the person really stops loving me or at least showing me. Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 i just read crazyaboutdogs's post, i agree that love should be action and feelings hand in hand, i think that is love in reality. love as feelings in the heart was not what i meant in type B. not enough. you must be still in the relationship, being nice to that partner, and at the same time tolerating the crap he / she gives you. exerting great patience and kindess. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 i just read crazyaboutdogs's post, i agree that love should be action and feelings hand in hand, i think that is love in reality. love as feelings in the heart was not what i meant in type B. not enough. you must be still in the relationship, being nice to that partner, and at the same time tolerating the crap he / she gives you. exerting great patience and kindess. I did just that, my kindness was actually stupidity. Kindness to someone that neither appreciates or deserves it? whats the point in that? I remain kind but now only to the deserving Link to comment
newlife21 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 I did just that, my kindness was actually stupidity. Kindness to someone that neither appreciates or deserves it? whats the point in that? I remain kind but now only to the deserving i think your situation was the same as mine. we had tried. our kindness was not stupidity, it was manifestation of love. love in action. i still didn't regret trying, at least now i know it wasn't my fault. i had done my best, this helps me to move on. starlight, you are a walking love. (( )) Link to comment
danielle1973 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 still sticking with my original answer - type B Link to comment
AutumnBorn Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I think the bitterness or anger you feel when they leave blunts the pain. If that helps you to move on, good for you. People who forgive or turn the other cheek (Type B) definitely have a harder time moving on. Not all B's do that. The only cheek I'm aware that I've turned is part of my bum and I believe the words "kiss my *ss" were involved. Loving someone like a B does doesn't necessarily mean that you're a doormat, at least not forever. Link to comment
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