Never felt lower

[Anonybrit]

About a month ago me and my then girlfriend of 2 years broke up after a huge argument. She then went and slept with another man a few days later, after not being able to have sex with me for 2 years. During that week she kept refusing to talk to me or to see me each time she promised she would. Not knowing about this I later tried to reconcile with her and we sorted out a lot of issues but when this came out I broke down.

 

Since then I have been trying to make progress in my life but nothing seems to be working. I still love her and the relationship we had was so close and full of so many perfect memories that I am constantly miserable about what has happened to it. However at the same time I am furious and mortified at what happened after our argument.

 

She wants to get back together straight away, I wish I could but I can't. We're now on a break until I can get over what happened.

 

Not only does that break come with a lot of anxiety; worrying if she will be there at the end of it, worrying if she's too young for all this (17), worrying about what allowed her to have sex, twice, so easily after such a devastating break up - but now we are not together I'm finding the rest of my life falling apart too.

 

I am at uni and my course is on a separate campus specifically for our students. Not being on main campus, I only see about 90 students, and I haven't made any close friendships during my first year. A lot of the social activities involve dressing up and going to clubs etc. and I'd rather just go tot he cinema, for a meal, to a bar etc. I don't like the city that I study in either, it's small and boring.

 

I'm seeing a counsellor and have been on and off valium for anxiety since all this started.

 

Just 6 weeks ago I was such a happy person, I had taken my girlfriend on a surprise trip to Dublin for her birthday. Now my life feels ruined, I don't have a shred of happiness in me.

 

I feel like I am in about 5 different catch 22s; I love my ex, she wants to get back together, but she has hurt me more than I have ever been hurt in my life and the closer I let her in the more what happened hurts - my social life is miserable in comparison to my friends who have gone to study in bigger, more cosmopolitan cities...

 

Academically on the other hand I have a lot going for me but this brings me no pleasure at the moment. I feel like my only chance at having a good year now is making the walk to main campus, 45 minutes away, to try get involved with events and societies over there.

 

Honestly, I have had low points in my life before, but I am now lower than ever, I feel like I have lost so much, I feel like I can't be that happy again any time soon.

[andy uk]

I feel what your going through at the moment, my story is similar apart from i want my ex back and she is on hol etc etc read the post.

 

do you want this girl back?

 

if you love her and she loves you and it was a mistake then only you can deal with the hurt caused from her sleeping with som1 else (hard i know)

i am in the process of getting or trying to get my ex girlfriend back and she admitted that while we was apart she slept with somone else, she told me it was a moment of madness and regrets it and the lad is no part in her life, i am also like you finding this very very difficult to deal with but i have to keep reminding myself that we was split up which was meant to be forever and and it means nothing if we are going to try and give it another go.

[Anonybrit]

I understand what you mean. For me though there are two parts of what happened that make this really heart breaking for me - the first that she had vaginismus with me for almost 2 years, we never could have penetrative sex, but she found sex easy with him.

 

We have since had penetrative sex, however the whole situation is incredibly upsetting.

 

Also, she slept with him just two or three days after we "broke up". I say "broke up" because we had a huge huge argument and it was obvious that the relationship had come to an end, but we hadn't discussed it properly.

 

Also, she slept with this guy on two separate occasions, making it a rather long moment of madness.

 

What worries me is that she, an attractive girl, finds herself constantly to-ing and fro-ing between hating her appearance and considering herself attractive, putting image and physical appearance at the forefront of her mind a lot of the time, and I think it makes her vulnerable to situations like that.

 

I do want to get back together with her, but I can't until this pain goes away.

 

I don't think that pain can go away until maybe I sleep with someone else myself.