Stressed Out ...

[XxDarkAngelxX]

I have made posts about this before but I need some kind of input or advice something to make me feel better I guess. My husband and I stress out everyday to the point where we feel useless and are having physical problems because of the stress. We are only in our 20's and we live with his mother. Living with her is constant stress and constant putting us down. Yesterday she said we dont do anything and that we are insane. I dont know how we are insane. She talks to herself for sometimes an hour straight. She will nag at us and complain and nothing ever seems to make her happy. I always clean up everyday and take her where ever she needs to go because she cannot drive. The problem here is, she has been living dependantly off her husband for so long, her husband was the money maker he has the education, etc. Without him she would be on the streets or probably living not so comfortable. Her husband is now dead and she is still living off of him from the money he left behind for his family... which was supposed to be used for the cildren college but instead his mom has been using it all for herself. Yes she does help us sometimes, by giving us a place to stay but while we stay here she makes us feel like we are nothing.

 

She keeps saying she pays all the bills which would be impossible for her to afford everything because she has 2 houses, 1 RV, ALOT of bills, she wouldnt be able to afford this where she is working making only about 1000 dollars a month. She keeps reminding us everyday how lucky we should be that she pays everything...that we use her...she makes me feel terrible everyday...the truth is though her husband still pays for everything even though he is passed away....I dont understand why she is doing this...I thought parents want their kids to do better than them?

[Dinka]

It could be that this is her weird, weird way of trying to encourage you to move out, move up, and move along. But it is obviously (and understandably) having the opposite effect.

 

As difficult as it is, you need to try to ignore what she is saying and set goals for yourselves. This will help you to organize and deal with the stress! Maybe try making a list of short-term and long-term goals. Make them realistic. Make some smaller goals steps to bigger goals. The more you reach these goals or advance in those directions, the better you will feel about yourselves and the more you will be able to put your stress in perspective.

 

In the meantime, you need to understand that your husband's mother isn't going to change. Don't hold this against her, unless you want to start festering some bitterness towards her that's only going to end up exploding into relationship catastrophe! Instead, nod, smile, turn the other cheek...figure out a way to brush it off at the moment, and don't let it bring you down in the long term.

 

A friend of mine used to write down nasty things that people said and would burn them in the fireplace all at once when she had a whole bunch. It made her feel much better. Maybe try to figure out some creative therapy like that for the time being?

[XxDarkAngelxX]

Dinka, that is a very thoughtful idea. I really don't hate my husbands mother, she has just been making everyone that loves her feel miserable. She even made her late husband feel miserable. It is like nothing can satisfy her ever. I just dont like it how she uses her husbands money and says its all of hers and she wouldnt even be living in this house if it wasnt for her husband. She wouldnt even be able to afford a 1 bedroom apartment in this city.

 

My husband and I have lived on our own before and it was great, we had to move back here and we are stuck we just need some support until we get back on our feet. In my family, they have college degrees and everyone in my family wants their children to do better than they did. My husbands mom isnt like that. When I say constant nag it is everyday anytime we see her. She is never happy to see us or even appreciate what we do for her. It is so hurtful for me to see this...I try to ignore, but it is hard when we live in the same house and when I do things for her.