LaughIsLove Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Ok, this is rather embarrassing. I have been seeing this guy for a little while now, but we recently got a little hot and heavy for the first time. I have only slept with one other guy, which he knows and understands, but I felt guilty when I didn't have sex with him, or even fool around with him. I most definitely wanted to, but my shyness and lack of experience kept me from going any further than a pretty heated make-out session. I know it's stupid to say that I felt GUILTY for NOT sleeping with anyone, but our make-out session lasted quite a long time - maybe a couple hours, and I'm pretty sure he had an erection all night. I know that leads to some unpleasantness. Guys - Would this make you mad? Will he even want to see me again? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 He could have stopped things at any time...he made the choice to continue makeing out with you. If he is mad at you and never wants to see you again because of this then I would say "good riddance". Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 If he gets mad....not any boy I'd want to date. For the record, my boyfriend said he's only ever gotten "blue balls" once and it was onlyuncomfortable. Link to comment
ayekasong Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Firstly, never feel guilty for not having sex with someone. You should NEVER have sex out of guilt or sense of obligation. It is true that guys can get an uncomfortable sensation from not having an orgasm after building up like that, but if it is that bad, he is capable of taking matters into his own hands. If he's upset with you over this, he's not worth your virginity. Decent men won't even make an issue out of it. Link to comment
LaughIsLove Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 He could have stopped things at any time...he made the choice to continue makeing out with you. If he is mad at you and never wants to see you again because of this then I would say "good riddance". No, he wasn't mad or even upset. BUT I haven't heard from him today, and that's unlikely. He did say we should see each other again this week, so I'm not totally worried about him not coming back. I guess it's just more from embarrassment on my part. I was raised by a mother who strongly believes in keeping your man satisfied...and I feel like that's something that I wasn't able to do for him. SO STUPID to put myself down for that! I know! Ugh!! Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Well, if he gets upset, or is upset about it...what does that say? Maybe that he cares more about what you can do sexually for him? If he cares about you, he will understand and not see the problem, if you weren't comfortable going further sexually, he needs to respect that...not get mad because you didn't. So think about it. If he cares about you, I really don't think he would not call you and leave you hanging. To me, it would say he cares more about the sexual side and his needs, as opposed to you and respecting you. Link to comment
LaughIsLove Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 If he's upset with you over this, he's not worth your virginity. Decent men won't even make an issue out of it. I'm not a virgin. I could have at least given him a hand job! It's just....he makes me so damn nervous!! I couldn't go through with anything. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I'm not a virgin. I could have at least given him a hand job! It's just....he makes me so damn nervous!! I couldn't go through with anything. Wait till you're not nervous. You're being waaaaaaaay too hard on yourself. You don't OWE him anything. You don't NEED to do anything for him. It's you that is making this a big deal, you shouldn't feel guilty about this, at all. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 If you are nervous, don't do anything sexual with him. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I think it is normal to feel bad on some level, as long as you know you dont have to engage in sexual activity if you dont want to. I would be more concerned of the fact that your shyness and inexperience prevented you from going any further. You cannot gain experience unless you engage in sexual activity. As for shyness perhaps you need to look at what exactly you are shy about. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 If he doesn't like what happened, he's not worth it. Let him know and let him understand if he is upset. If he doesn't, then say, thats the way I was take it or leave it. Link to comment
Lecturer Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Here's my take. Blue balls SUCK. It feels like you've been kicked in the balls... and if too much time passes, taking care of things youself doens't fix it... it still can take a few hours for the pain to subside. When I was first dating my wife, I had my one and only case of them. We were making out for an extended period of time (including her grinding on me), and I ended up fingering her to orgsasm. Eventually, without any reciprocation for me, I drove home, and on the car ride home is when I started feeling the pain and sickness. Once home I finished myself off - but that was TOUGH.. as the pain was making an erection nearly impossible. After ejaculating, the pain did not subside for another few hours. Despite all this, I had no ill-feelings towards her... in fact, I was escastic about the session we just had. So, he certainly shouldn't get MAD at you. In fact, he shouldn't really feel anything negative TOWARDS YOU.. but he may be frustrated and dissappointed. While you should never feel coerced into doing something, it sounds like you are considerate of his well being, and that is the most important thing. And yes - you certainly don't need to have sex.. but if you're willing to make out, what's the harm of a little hand wanky in the pants (which is what we eventually started doing early in our relationship.. and the mess was worth it lol). I'm curious though... without intention of going further - why were you making out for hours? Maybe it's been too long since I've been a young man dating Link to comment
Intense Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Guys - Would this make you mad? Nope, "I understand", stop making out, get up and go watch television. It's amazing how they often come around after this. Link to comment
srssatellite Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 From what you describe, it doesn't seem like full blown blue balls. Just sounds like a fun make out session. To me, blue balls would be if you were getting him worked up with some groping and telling him how you were going to please him, then just stop all attention to him and turn to TV or some other activity. Had that happen before, and masturbating wasn't going to relieve that feeling. It was very hard to sleep that night. Link to comment
Cardinal Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 My guess is that you are probably giving off all the right signals that you are into him and he is reading it loud and clear. I wouldn't even assume that he gets blue balls without confirming. I never really do. Link to comment
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