Keraron Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 This is one more problem of mine. Whenever I am starting to date a girl, I get immensely restless and feel like a looser when other guys come by and start flirting with her. Probably the mix of these feelings can be summed up as jealousy, or fear to loose someone. (especially when it seems that the guy is able to draw their full attention to themselves) As my previous experience is based only on one-on-one communication, I'd like to ask what's the best way to behave in social situations when there are 6-7 other guys flirting with your potential date (and there are no other women to compensate). Thank you. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Confidence is the key, your insecurity is getting the best of you. You need to stop looking at the other men as competition. Your competition is with the girl, not with these others guys. You cannot control who she talks to, or who talks to her, be confident in your own skills and at the same time realize that you are not going to be successful with every girl. Link to comment
RideOn Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 You know I'm the exact same way. My fear is to lose someone as well. It's weird because when I like someone I too get jealous when other guys flirt with the girl I like, yet when I'm in a relationship I have no problem if she flirts with other guys or vica-versa. I guess it's because I know that we are together and she likes only me which then helps my confidence with her. Which in turn eases my insecurity. I completely agree with Day Walker. It's insecurity which causes the jealousy. I have that problem and it really sucks that at times I can't control it. DW's advice is right on. Link to comment
Clarity Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Do you often find yourselves in situations where "there are 6-7 other guys flirting with your potential date"? I find that somewhat odd... People are right, you need to be confident. The thing is, if she responds a lot to the flirting and doesn't give you much attention, she's probably not the girl for you anyway. Link to comment
Keraron Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 Come on... I think this is a highly important topic... any more ideas? Link to comment
bexcelant Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 I think that from my other post, I realize what the main problem is. Oneitis. You and all the other guys out there need their second, third, and 4th options. In any case, any number of things could happen and a girl can totally flake out. I need other options and so do you. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Honestly? I laugh. Or at the very least get a healthy smirk. Just because Verizon comes calling with its sales pitch doesn't mean your deal with AT&T is any less attractive. Don't sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Link to comment
cat_lady Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 What my bf does (very clever move) is that whenever a guy starts to move in on me he immediately takes an interest in the guy and control of the situation. Example: BF is away and random guy and I start flirting and bf comes back. BF: Hey man, what's up. My name is BF. Guy: I'm guy. BF: Cool guy, you come here often? Guy: Blah blah blah blah.. engage in some banter ... my sister likes cats. BF: Haha, cat goes crazy over cats, don't you? Me: Yea.. BF: Btw, my neighbors cat just gave a birth to kittens. You wanna come look at them tomorrow? Me: Yea! BF: They're so cute and cuddly. Me: Awwww.. I want one. But I think I'm allergic. BF: What about a hypoallergenic cat? You want to go to the bar? Me: They're ugly, yea, I could use another drink. BF: Ok, lets to go the bar so you can order what you want. Alright Guy, nice meeting you man, see you around. Good luck with your sister. Me: Nice seeing you. BF and I walk away. Guy * * * * -blocked like there's no tomorrow and is left standing like an idiot. Link to comment
bexcelant Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Well on the flip side of that, if the guy comes up and asks your girl to dance and she turns around and says to you..it that ok? If you don't let her go out on the floor to dance with the guy you are going to look like a needy idiot. You have to let her go out on the floor and dance with the guy and you have to be confident enough to know she's coming back to you. If she doesn't then c'ya later. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 That is the classic chairlie bravo. However, it is only effective if the other guy acknowledges your bf. See your bf is trying to cut the girl out of the conversation by taking control of the conversation. All the guy has to do is redirect the conversation towards the girl. I have to admit that this usually ends up in the bf getting upset because his charlie bravo failed miserably. With that being said the more effective and less insecure method of dealing with the situation is to realize that the girl can just as easily say that she has a bf. Rather than taking the approach to control the situation, realize that the best defense to a guy flirting with a girl is the girl telling the guy that she has a bf and isnt interested. Link to comment
Keraron Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 With that being said the more effective and less insecure method of dealing with the situation is to realize that the girl can just as easily say that she has a bf. Rather than taking the approach to control the situation, realize that the best defense to a guy flirting with a girl is the girl telling the guy that she has a bf and isnt interested. Sure, but what if the girl is not committed yet, i.e. not yet my official "girlfriend" but just a person I'm seeing since a few weeks? Link to comment
glegend Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I hate it big time now. Used to happen with my ex all the same, but she never gave them the light of day. Times we had kicked so @$$. Didn't used to bug me all the time, but I guess thats cause she was less my target since she was mine. When I was trying to get with girl from my work. Guys used to all the time. It would bug me big time, especially when she was flirting back. I guess it was jealously since I was trying to get with that. Now it doesn't bug me that much, but I think its happening with one of my buddies, and her and thinking about it thats what bugs me because it makes me think that that friend could possibly be the one that held me back from getting with her. Like I've stated in different thread. I've based this on what I think happened or what I think is happening with my friend and this girl. Heres what I wrote "Your homie is your enemy, but your enemy is your homie". Meaning, your homie is the one to really worry about flirting with your target. While your enemy might do it, but they are less of a threat in which you should worry less about. That being said, your homie becomes the enemy, while the enemy becomes your friend, Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Man, it's amazing how insecure people are. I think whenever I hear this stuff that I won't be surprised again, but it just gets worse and worse! Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Sure, but what if the girl is not committed yet, i.e. not yet my official "girlfriend" but just a person I'm seeing since a few weeks? The advice still stands, your best defense is her indicating that she isnt interested even though she isnt "officially" with you. The key is not to let the insecurity get the best of you, if she is going to express her interest in other guys and you are going out with her perhaps you need to rethink going out with her. It is a common tactic to use jealousy to get the guy to come and rush in, it can make the rescued person feel more wanted, but really it's about the other person being jealous rather than being wanted. Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Sure, but what if the girl is not committed yet, i.e. not yet my official "girlfriend" but just a person I'm seeing since a few weeks? Personally, and this is just my opinion, if I am out on a date with a "potential" and she's got nothing else better to do but to find herself surrounded by 6 or 7 other guys, that to me is indication that she may not be worth my time. It's got nothing to do with being insecure or jealous; it's a respect thing. If she can't get with that, maybe she needs to get lost. Link to comment
Keraron Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Personally, and this is just my opinion, if I am out on a date with a "potential" and she's got nothing else better to do but to find herself surrounded by 6 or 7 other guys, that to me is indication that she may not be worth my time. It's got nothing to do with being insecure or jealous; it's a respect thing. If she can't get with that, maybe she needs to get lost. OK... but what if it isn't even a date, but you're just interacting with her a lot? i.e. I have never explicitly stated my interest towards her; I only know that there has been very strong implicit attraction between her and me, but I am using the "long term process", that means I first want to ensure her friendship and then switch to romance. I know it is not a usual way and that everyone is scared of the "friendzone", but I chose to do this at the beginning and am sticking to it. As a side-note, since recently we spend 7-8 hours a day together alone, every day. So there is quite a lot of "quality time" whenever we are not in social contexts. Basically, I could restate the question this way: "How to keep a female friend's attention on me when there are other 6-7 guys trying to flirt with her?" Regarding who these people are. My friends, I take her to my friend's parties, etc. she invites me to her friend's parties etc. I think that things might be developing towards total friendzone i.e. she is sometimes confessing me her interest in other guys... TBH I think I am entirely responsible of keeping her attention on me. Link to comment
glegend Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Don't get too friendly with her, last thing you want to do is end up in the friend-zone. Link to comment
Keraron Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Don't get too friendly with her, last thing you want to do is end up in the friend-zone. We are almost like best friends... probably the best friend I ever had. I wrote a better overview of the story here: Link to comment
LanceVanceDance Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I'd like to ask what's the best way to behave in social situations when there are 6-7 other guys flirting with your potential date (and there are no other women to compensate). 6-7 guys? Are you serious about that or are you exagerating? That sounds like a lot of guys to be flirting with the same woman at the same time. How is that even physically possible? Anyway, the best way to cock-block a guy in this situation is to ignore him completely. Don't even acknowledge his presence and go back to talking to the girl as though he isn't even there. Simple and effective. Link to comment
langford Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Quella destinata per te, nessuno la prenderà...... translation - noone will take the one who is destined for you. Link to comment
glegend Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 We are almost like best friends... probably the best friend I ever had. I wrote a better overview of the story here: ] Being like best friends sometimes is what lands you into the friendszone. I look at things from my personal experience. I was pretty good friends with that girl at work, we had a strange relationship. We were good friends, but gave off the look that we were dating. I think thats one reason why she said no to me, I think I got friendzoned. Like I have theories and wy she said no to me. My one theory is that we became too good of friends (to a certain degree) and I ended up getting friendzoned and thats why she said no. Link to comment
Intense Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Well it's really easy if he comes up very obvious to your target. Just pat him on the shoulder real alpha style, stare him in the eye and talk to him with a grin on your face. "You know, I realize that it takes much courage for a guy like you to approach a beautiful woman. Nice try ok, I wish you the best of luck next time." Pat him on the chest and then ignore him, go back talking to your target as if he is not even there. Link to comment
Keraron Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 Quella destinata per te, nessuno la prenderà...... translation - noone will take the one who is destined for you. There is no such thing as destiny, especially in dating. Link to comment
Keraron Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 Being like best friends sometimes is what lands you into the friendszone. I look at things from my personal experience. I was pretty good friends with that girl at work, we had a strange relationship. We were good friends, but gave off the look that we were dating. I think thats one reason why she said no to me, I think I got friendzoned. Like I have theories and wy she said no to me. My one theory is that we became too good of friends (to a certain degree) and I ended up getting friendzoned and thats why she said no. You're 19, and I think your personal experience is not universal. What I am curious about though, is whether you think you were friendzone merely because you became friends (and I mean REAL friends) or because she somehow lost attraction towards you? Link to comment
Kinetics Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 If the girl has your respect, then that's basically a good thing for me even if it wasn't a dating thing. The last thing I want is someone who just has a total lack of it. If you really feel insecure or uncomfortable with the situation and can't help it, keep it to yourself and have to really be poker face about it. Even I still feel this way at times but I've learned to keep a straight face and some of my friends couldn't tell until I told them honestly. It can get tiring keeping up the same face, but hey it works. I try to avoid this kind of situation though. No girl is worth that much to stress over. Link to comment
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