girlfriend says she's not the mood for sex anymore because of bump she got from hookin up outta town

[checkmate]

ok, i've been with my on and off girlfriend for about 8 yrs... like most relationships everything started off pretty good in the beginning... the communication was there, the romance was there, the fun was there, the sex was there... i mean everything was just fine... but recently we took another 'break', and she went on vacation with her friends and hooked up with someone... now when she came back... coincidently her dog got hit by a car and lost his eye... (i personally call that karma in its own twisted way), but anyway, she immediately called on my moral support in the issue, and of course I consoled her... that same day I went with her to see the dog at her parents house... afterwards going back to her apartment... she admitted she needed to tell me something... (now whats funny is, I already knew in my mind what it was, but I just wanted confirmation)... she was very hesistant to tell me... but finally after some food and tv at her place... we were lying in the bed and she finally admitted what she did... now I didn't jump all over her, but I did let her know that was a thing to do and that I thought she was better than that... her response was "I was drunk", now to me thats a excuse because being drunk only makes you do what you wanted to do anyway in my opinion... but whatever... to make a long story short, she said she used protection, but a day later she discovered a mysterious bump on the outer lips of her vagina... now my initial reaction was like you better go get checked the hell out... which she did, shes always been pretty good with that... so she went and they did tests of all sorts and they told her that it was nothing... probably the result of a yeast infection or a minor cyst of some sort... ok so like 1 week later it finally did go away... but heres the problem... now as a result of this... she says she does not have the drive for sex and does not feel for it as she used to... now i feel that this is a direct result of what happened when she went out of town, and i feel its unfair to me that i have to put up with no sex because of the stupid ass decision she made and what happened to her as a result of it... in a way I feel dumb for even taking her back, but in a way i couldn't be that mad because she's forgiven me as well for cheating, and like i said she was on a 'break'... but now that we're back together, i feel that this is extremely unfair and i really don't know what to do at this point... sometimes i feel like shes just using that situation as an excuse and thats shes just not attracted to me like she used to be... or maybe not... someone give some feedback please... thankss

[uofagirl]

First of all, being drunk is a crappy excuse. I hate when people use being drunk as an excuse. If you can't control yourself while your drunk then you don't need to be drinking. That's just my opinion!

 

Anyways, have you told her how you feel?

[drewciouS281]

have you told her this? you have to be calm and concerning though and no yelling or aggravation. Sex is very important in a relationship and unless you have been with anyone else since the break or before, she shouldnt have anything to worry about. now maybe she learned a lesson not to sleep with some stranger all drunk when technically your still sort of together.

[lostandhurt]

This seems to add one more layer to the problems you two have doesn't it. Is it fair? NO! Is it her choice? YES!

If she doesn't want sex as much or at all and you do then it is pretty clear you want different things doesn't it.

Sit down with her in a calm clear voice and ask her to explain so you can understand why she isn't interested in sex. Listen to her answer completelty without interupting. Then ask her what you can do to make her feel more at ease and want to be intimate with you. If the answer is "I don't know" then there isn't anything you can do and it is time to start thinking about a permanent break.

 

One more thing. What if the bump was something and she lied. That might explain her lack of intimacy as well.

I also find it interesting that people that cheat when drunk can't control their actions but they can make sure to use a condom.

 

Lost

[yeawutever]

Since you two were on a break (not exclusive at the time) then it wasn't cheating. However, I agree that you need to talk to her about how you feel about the ''not having sex'' issue. Afterall, that's an important ingredient in all committed relationships. Do remind her that being drunk is not a good excuse. That only lowers you inhibition of what you wanted to do in the first place while still sober but just controlled yoursef.

[Jd1983]

Being drunk is definitely not an excuse. I understand how you may have been bothered that she slept with someone else. However, you guys were clearly on a break and she did not technically cheat on you. I would be more concerned about that mysterious bump. I think it might be a good idea for you to get yourself checked out just to be on the safe side. As far as working things out with her, I think it's really up to you on what you want to do. Do you want to try to work things out? If you do, you're going to have to accept what she did and move on. Just as she accepted that you cheated in the past, and taken you back. A relationship is based on compromise.

[jettison]

I have to say, this story hits kind of close to home. The woman I have been seeing for almost a year and I had a break of about a month. In that time, I made out with someone else, and she SLEPT with someone else. I was disappointed, she was hurt, and we hashed it out. However, the first time we slept together she demanded that we NOT wear a condom. I should have just refused to have sex with her, but I didn't refuse. And since, we've never used one.

 

When I asked her about this other guy, I said, "You used a condom, right?!?!" And although she said, "of course!!", why would it be "of course"? She didn't when we started. I think she's just too ashamed that she may have slept with this guy and not used one. At least, that's my biggest fear. And since she's clearly stated her position, I feel like I can't bring it up any longer. I've been tested since, btw, and everything is clear, but it was really distressing. We have such an amazing sex life overall, but this episode and the no condom thing really through me off about her. I just figured her much more responsible then that.

[checkmate]

ok, so last night i expressed my feelings toward the situation like i have been, and through a little foreplay and messing around, sex did happen... now i WAS initially happy about the turnaround until this morning on the way to work when she called and told me that "dont think the sex last night solved the problem", so i said, "why not?", then she said, "i basically only did it just to do it", which i interpreted as she only did it because i stressed how much it frustrated me, not because she was actually in the mood... now i was just gonna break things off right there because of how mad i was, but i told her, im just not gonna initiate sex or have it with you anymore... then she said "well what kinda relationship are we gonna have without sex", so i said yeah my point exactly... so she said "i love you, and i dont wanna lose you, but i dont know what to tell you if youre not happy, ill think about things between us and call you back later on today"... so at this point whatever happens between us depends on whatever she comes up with to tell me... and believe me if itsnot to my liking, i honestly think its curtains because this is becoming extremely stressful as well as frustrating and i seriously dont think i need or deserve this at 28 years old... i dont wanna just break it off over sex, but like she said out her own mouth "what is a relationship without sex"....

[yeawutever]

I can see how stressing that can be. You don't need to put up with that load of crap from her. If she didn't wanted to sleep with you and only did it for doing it then it's her fault. She should have told you in advance of how she felt about it... I wouldn't put up with that if I were you...

You can be like ''You know what, nevermind about your decision, till then let's go separate ways, I can't handle this''..